Kogent5 Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 That kind of depressed where anytime someone tells me about something good happening in their life, it feels like they're shoving it in my face. It's borderline paranoia. Which is not uncommon for me Idk why I have any friends, miserable wretch I am. I guess I can make someone feel pretty good if they compare themselves to me lol... I want to just be away from everything... I think I have to (finally) book another appt with my therapist. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 1 hour ago, MarkintheDark said: One thing I find interesting, now that I think of it, is that my approach to cleaning out her place was to toss a lot of stuff in the trash or charity without much thought. That kept the brain quiet. I found myself, when tempted to grab a used power strip, for example, to ask if Mark really needed one. Nope. As it stands, I really don't have a lot tasks left until the 15th that require my exertion. First priority is taking today off, possibly a good deal of Fri, too. I did the same thing to quiet my mind. I cleaned out every room including closets and attics and outside buildings for the first time ever. I had to feel like I was in control of something in an out of control situation. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladysmurf Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 i left my house for 2 hours...i pushed myself to go out....it was OK. i avoided eye contact , even with a guy who said hi to me..and i see him quite frequently... i know people deep down think i'm very b*tchy because of my anxiety. i tend to ignore people and walk fast and not talk ...and people think you are mean or rude, but only if they knew ...... i hate life as well. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chucapabra Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 everyone think my face look ugly n stupid Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rattler6 Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 Tired and glad to go back to work tomorrow. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 I miss you mom. I wish you could be here for what's coming next. I swear I will make you proud. I was the luckiest person in the world to have you as my mom. If there is a heaven I hope to one day earn my place next to you. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
salparadise6132 Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 Well, I did not get paid today. I have been off on a "bridge agreement" with my former employer of 29 years which was supposed to last until July of this year, at which time my pension kicks in. But, no deposit today. I'm broker than broke. If I screwed up and misread the agreement, I will be royal F'd for the next 7 months. I have already started thinking about warm clothing and how to make a comfortable bed on a street grate. Tomorrow, I call them to find out what's going on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LonelyHiker Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 (edited) 5 hours ago, Kogent5 said: That kind of depressed where anytime someone tells me about something good happening in their life, it feels like they're shoving it in my face. It's borderline paranoia. Which is not uncommon for me Idk why I have any friends, miserable wretch I am. I guess I can make someone feel pretty good if they compare themselves to me lol... I want to just be away from everything... I think I have to (finally) book another appt with my therapist. I'm not "liking" this to say I think what you posted is good, @Kogent5, only to say that it resonates strongly and to show comraderie. Edited January 11, 2019 by LonelyHiker 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 I get those feelings you guys are talking about. I didn't know depression caused them. It usually happens at night when I think everyone is against me. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cherryapplez2020 Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 He ripped my heart out and eat it whatever that means feeling angry and hurt ever thing at once if you only knew Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chucapabra Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 20 hours ago, KidSurvivor2011 said: It's been a long time. I hope you all are doing well and on the path to happiness. - KS omg glad you are back. how are u doing? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
salparadise6132 Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 2 minutes ago, chucapabra said: omg glad you are back. how are u doing? YES! So happy and smiley to hear from @KidSurvivor2011! Yes!!!!! Also, so glad his absence may mean that he has been doing well - coping with the ups and downs we all face, in peace and harmony with what is. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
surfcaster Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 For no real reason im getting the overwhelming feeling of impending doom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 22 minutes ago, surfcaster said: For no real reason im getting the overwhelming feeling of impending doom I feel that too. Also I feel very paranoid! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarkintheDark Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 3 hours ago, sober4life said: I miss you mom. I wish you could be here for what's coming next. I swear I will make you proud. I was the luckiest person in the world to have you as my mom. If there is a heaven I hope to one day earn my place next to you. I cannot tell you the number of times I've uttered almost exactly the same words to my dad...and it's been over 33 years! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarkintheDark Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 (edited) 55 minutes ago, surfcaster said: For no real reason im getting the overwhelming feeling of impending doom Been there. THIS week. fwiw, sometimes it helps me a bit if I find something to distract me...computer, TV, etc., particularly if I become engrossed in a show. It's only a temporary relief, but all that matters to me at the moment is to find SOME relief. Hang on. We're with you. Edited January 11, 2019 by MarkintheDark 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarkintheDark Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 I feel tonight like I've made some progress on the computer issues. For one, my IT guy referred me to a service ($300 and they deliver on a flash drive) to recover data from the dropped external drive. For another, I'd configured a new lappy from Amazon last night and all I need to do is build up the courage to order it. I know what I need to do, it will make a marked improvement in my life - wth am I saying? It will get me back on track. But I feel the beginnings of an anxiety attack over committing the $$, a feeling that's a bit like when you KNOW you're getting a cold. Maybe, too - I hate to admit this - it's a throwback to "I don't deserve [fill in the blank]" I guess I've just outlined my challenge for Friday. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Royally1nsane Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 Sometimes I keep forgetting to come back here and maybe that's good because I usually come here when I'm upset or lonely. I've been so stressed out because classes resume next week and I still don't have a job. It's been over a month or so and still haven't found work yet. I'm all set to give up again. I spoke to a doctor and he recommended a therapist I could speak to while I'm in school. Still looking for some information but things are looking up. I'm even going back on medication because to be fair, I haven't been on it in almost 5 years now. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 Very lonely! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SqueezeWax Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 (edited) I’m sort of weary. I had a bad run in yesterday with a complete stranger, and my New Orleans trip sort of ended with a thud. I was in serious danger of self harming over the debacle. I can’t take being bullied anymore. Even the tiniest note of condescension in a person’s voice enrages me. People take me as an easy target. I could likely have ******** the guy if I was only properly equipped. I ran back to my hotel, and called one of my therapists. I was fuming and sobbing. I felt a lot better after I spoke to him, but I didn’t feel much like doing anything else anyway. I brushed myself off and did wander around afterward trying to find a couple of places. I was in bed by 8:00, and thanks to Viibryd was up by 3:40 this morning. Now I’m headed to Albuquerque in a couple of hours. Edited January 11, 2019 by SqueezeWax Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babyxgothxx Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 I am going to get help soon! I'll try to update you guys on my journey 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 I'm very fragile today. Today I am finally able to go back to a routine but the first day of a routine doesn't really help. I should feel ok by the end of the weekend but now I'm more of a mess than anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarkintheDark Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 (edited) Achy. That cottony, almost hungover feeling. Pulled an all-nighter, which I haven't done in ages. Kitty remained firmly planted in my lap most of the time (warm). Immersed myself in researching to make sure I'd covered the bases on the new lappy, given changes in tech the past eight years (which, frankly, please me no end on simplification). Then I actually ORDERED it, [geek talk] configured with some extra storage and max'd out memory. HOWEVER, despite the achiness, decided to empty the Wündercar of six boxes full of discards from Mom's apartment at a local thrift shop supporting folks with HIV/AIDS (go figgur, right?). Even filled the tank on the way back. Ummmm, managed a few hours' sleep, but I'm not goin' anywhere today. You guessed it. Back to bed.... Edited January 11, 2019 by MarkintheDark 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JD4010 Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 4 hours ago, babyxgothxx said: I am going to get help soon! I'll try to update you guys on my journey Best wishes! And yes, keep us posted. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JD4010 Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 Mood-wise, I'm doing OK. Well, anhedonic, but that sure beats anxiety. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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