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20YearsandCounting

How Do You Feel Right Now #10

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My fiance is flying to Florida tonight to be with his sick dad. It looks like I cannot join him, which makes me very sad. I miss him so much already and he's only been gone an hour. It will be five days before I see him again. I just hope his father recovers, most importantly. And I'm utterly exhausted. 9 pm bedtime for me tonight. 

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29 minutes ago, RiverLight said:

My fiance is flying to Florida tonight to be with his sick dad. It looks like I cannot join him, which makes me very sad. I miss him so much already and he's only been gone an hour. It will be five days before I see him again. I just hope his father recovers, most importantly. And I'm utterly exhausted. 9 pm bedtime for me tonight. 

Your post earlier today flipped the switch for me.  I was at the darkest blackest place I could ever imagine but your inspirational post pulled me out of the gutter when I desperately needed it so thank you for that.  I hope his father recovers too.  I want the best for you, your fiance and your whole family.  I'm always here for you and I hope all goes well.:hugs:

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2 minutes ago, sober4life said:

Your post earlier today flipped the switch for me.  I was at the darkest blackest place I could ever imagine but your inspirational post pulled me out of the gutter when I desperately needed it so thank you for that.  I hope his father recovers too.  I want the best for you, your fiance and your whole family.  I'm always here for you and I hope all goes well.:hugs:

Awww, I'm SO glad my post helped!!!! That was my hope!!!! And thank you SO much. I'm on edge until I hear more of what's happening. We just don't know how things are gonna go right now. HUGS. 

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What a day. 

I had to call 911 and psych support for my daughter.  She was suicidal last night.  She's still obsessed with a guy she broke up with 7 months ago.  Long story.  Anyway, I'm glad I did it.  We now have a plan, with responsibilities for my daughter that she will have to keep to, or she is no longer welcome in our homes (she's legally adult, and this can't go on - plus, she's in MAJOR denial that she needs some help).  It is harsh, I know, but it is all we can do and it is what the social services lady advised (and explained to Julia).  

My ex called me today and she was crying and saying that she had messed the kids up.  I don't believe that.  And in fact, whatever happened to us, I was lucky in having her as a mother for our children.  I wrote her an Email telling her exactly that, and that makes me happy at the moment. 

Scared, but happy.  My daughter is in trouble.

This ain't easy.

Edited by salparadise6132

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Holding my breath on the T in the morning to see if my intuition's right about my physical limitations/disabilities.  I've always fought them, in one case for 26 years, and tried to hold myself to the same standard as "normal" people.  Now it seems to me the evidence has become overwhelming that I can't hold myself to that standard and I'm only hurting myself if I do.

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9 hours ago, sober4life said:

I was at the darkest blackest place I could ever imagine

You too had to work more than 16 continuous hours till 1:00 am?

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I'm doing well enough to work today.  I'm not worried about work.  I'm worried about finding out what is wrong with my car.  It's 13 years old so I have to decide if what needs to be repaired is worth it or do I just drive it until it quits and be lucky I have AAA to tow the car if it breaks down.  I hate these kinds of days where I have no idea what to expect.

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I’m grateful I’m working in a better job. My old job was so bad it cut down to working only 3 hrs a day. I feel in this environment I’m the first voice ppl call to to express their anger. Dude. not my fault if someone screwed up. My friend told me to apply with this higher paying job. 

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1 minute ago, Stand_alone said:

I’m grateful I’m working in a better job. My old job was so bad it cut down to working only 3 hrs a day. I feel in this environment I’m the first voice ppl call to to express their anger. Dude. not my fault if someone screwed up. My friend told me to apply with this higher paying job. 

I’m so happy for you my friend and even more better days are ahead for you 

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11 hours ago, salparadise6132 said:

What a day. 

I had to call 911 and psych support for my daughter.  She was suicidal last night.  She's still obsessed with a guy she broke up with 7 months ago.  Long story.  Anyway, I'm glad I did it.  We now have a plan, with responsibilities for my daughter that she will have to keep to, or she is no longer welcome in our homes (she's legally adult, and this can't go on - plus, she's in MAJOR denial that she needs some help).  It is harsh, I know, but it is all we can do and it is what the social services lady advised (and explained to Julia).  

My ex called me today and she was crying and saying that she had messed the kids up.  I don't believe that.  And in fact, whatever happened to us, I was lucky in having her as a mother for our children.  I wrote her an Email telling her exactly that, and that makes me happy at the moment. 

Scared, but happy.  My daughter is in trouble.

This ain't easy.

HUGS Brian. This sounds very painful and difficult. I hope your daughter gets the help she needs and improves. ((((((((Hugs)))))))))) 

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For some unknown reason, my mood has plummeted this week from the mild depression I’ve experienced the prior two weeks. Sunday night when I went to bed I suddenly came down with the leaden, black hole feeling I get when I’m at my most depressed. I haven’t been able to shake it completely since. My mood returns to a mild depresssion for a little while, and then plummets again within an hour.

There is nothing in particular I can think of that has happened to cause this.

Edited by SqueezeWax

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I took a mental health day from work today. It's helping immensely. 

I miss my fiance SO much and it's only been one night. Four more nights on my own. I am seeing good friends though all weekend which should keep me occupied. 

His dad is even worse now with a "hospital infection" -- I haven't learned yet what that is -- my fiance is running around for his parents right now. But his dad is not talking properly, he is not eating and is very weak and disoriented. We still don't know yet if he will live. SO nerve-wrecking. 

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T confirmed my observation on how I was moving towards accepting, how ever reluctantly, my disabilities.

However, he then moved towards an exploration of my traumas for some reason.  Again, I trust him.  I know he's going somewhere with this.  I don't know where.  I suspect a PTSD diagnosis - ugh, like I need another label - considering I'm always on guard and can be quick to anger.

Having a lousy afternoon.

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