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20YearsandCounting

How Do You Feel Right Now #10

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First, I'm glad you're physically ok @SqueezeWax.  You mentioned crying and being overwhelmed with Albuquerque's beauty.  It immediately reminded me of my feelings visiting Dad in Florida the first time and where, not long afterwards, I made my home.

Does Dad make you feel safe?

Edited by MarkintheDark

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Another day of waking up to hell.  All I have is anger and disgust for this life right now.  Any little bit of faith I had in a god is gone forever!  We're on our own in this life.  Some of us wake up the first day on this stupid planet into a nightmare that never ends and that's how it's always going to be.  Good times are only given to me so I let my guard down.  As soon as I start to relax and feel better another fist to the face is coming or someone will hit me from behind and knock me on the floor.

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41 minutes ago, sober4life said:

Another day of waking up to hell.  All I have is anger and disgust for this life right now.  Any little bit of faith I had in a god is gone forever!  We're on our own in this life.  Some of us wake up the first day on this stupid planet into a nightmare that never ends and that's how it's always going to be.  Good times are only given to me so I let my guard down.  As soon as I start to relax and feel better another fist to the face is coming or someone will hit me from behind and knock me on the floor.

Sometimes it's hard to see the forest for the trees.  Hang in there and hopefully things

will eventually get better for you. 

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I feel very lively today and energetic about myself.  I'm trying to up lift myself so that

I can learn to put a new Song in my Heart and a new Spirit in my Soul.  I'm tired of

not being content in life and it's time for me to try to do something about it.  I'm getting

ready to go on a long run for the rest of my life of being Optimistic about my life and

most important about the other people who surrounds me regardless of how they act

I'm going to keep a up beat spirit in me.  "It Feels Good"

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38 minutes ago, Floor2017 said:

Sometimes it's hard to see the forest for the trees.  Hang in there and hopefully things

will eventually get better for you. 

I know god works in mysterious ways right.  If there is a god his choice to take a 35 year old man from this world will always be selfish and destructive.  A 35 year old man has a family children a wife that all depend on him and their lives have all been obliterated for what reason.  There is no reason good enough.  When a 35 year old man dies it will destroy everyone in his life forever beyond repair.  There is no making sense of it for anyone.  

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5 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I know god works in mysterious ways right.  If there is a god his choice to take a 35 year old man from this world will always be selfish and destructive.  A 35 year old man has a family children a wife that all depend on him and their lives have all been obliterated for what reason.  There is no reason good enough.  When a 35 year old man dies it will destroy everyone in his life forever beyond repair.  There is no making sense of it for anyone.  

I have seen children as young as 13 who have accomplished more than I have in 48 years of life.

That was able to help and transform lives by the thousands.  It's not about age but about your effectiveness

none of us are here to stay.  I have accomplished everything I have ever wanted to do in this world.  I have

a very amazing family and we are very close but I have taught them that it will come a day that we will have to

separate on this side. Be strong and play your role on this side and it has been a blessing to have you guys in

my life and the many memories we have together is priceless. 

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I don't want to sound like I don't understand what you are saying but I do and I lost my dad

four years ago and it still hurts but my dad played his role and when his time was up. He was

called home, one of his biggest jobs on this side was to help prepare me to help lead people

and to be strong when life adversaries strike you down.  Our lives are just like Flowers we bring

beauty and helps to bring joy and happiness to one another but when the flowers wither

they have played there roles.  however, humans are some what different, when we die our Spirit

lives on in the lives of the people we affected with our smiles and unique personality.  Even though

our love one dies but a part of them lives on in the people they left behind and even more than that

we leave family members behind that looks like us. And every time we see them we are reminded

of the ones who have left before us.  I pray that you and your family be given the strength to overcome

this great lost to your family. 

 

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Growing up he lived in North Carolina and could only come to spend the summers in Ohio.  When I found out he died the first memory that came back to me was one summer I was at my worst.  My life was a disaster and before he left to go back home he said when I come back here next summer if you are still living the life you are living living with your mom no job and getting wasted all the time I will kick your ass.  He wanted me to have a wonderful life and that's what I'm going to do.  That's what mom would want as well.  They both would want me to stay strong and go on to have a family of my own and have a wonderful life and that's what I'm going to do.

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WOW -- what a work week. 

I worry SO much about my success at work and am constantly in fear that I am not doing a good enough job. But everything that's happened says the exact opposite -- I got an achievement award, I've been complimented by my boss, I've been put in charge of training a new junior employee on the most critical aspect of our job, AND to boot, they just told me I am now in charge of our highest paying client. And that the CEO and Dir. of Operations are both excited that I am on this particular client account. 

I think it's my perfectionist side of me that's in the way. I am not satisfied until I see top results for my clients, and achieving those is a tough climb sometimes -- it takes constant analysis and tweaking of web copy, which I constantly do. 

My field sort of lends to perfectionism. If you want a #1 ranking on Google, you have to work hard for it, and sometimes it doesn't come easily. So I tweak tweak tweak, analyze analyze analyze, then more tweaking until I get it just right. UGH. Maybe I am perfect for this field because I am so determined and perfectionistic, but my boss tells me I worry far too much. 

Anyways, it's Sat, a day off, and I'm thinking about my work! UGH. LOL. 

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9 minutes ago, sober4life said:

Growing up he lived in North Carolina and could only come to spend the summers in Ohio.  When I found out he died the first memory that came back to me was one summer I was at my worst.  My life was a disaster and before he left to go back home he said when I come back here next summer if you are still living the life you are living living with your mom no job and getting wasted all the time I will kick your ass.  He wanted me to have a wonderful life and that's what I'm going to do.  That's what mom would want as well.  They both would want me to stay strong and go on to have a family of my own and have a wonderful life and that's what I'm going to do.

Thanks, for sharing my friend and you actually had me laughing what he said he would do

to you if you were not living your best life possible.  That's WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT

HE STILL LIVES ON IN YOUR MEMORIES.  HAPPY TIMES AND GOOD TIMES

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1 minute ago, RiverLight said:

WOW -- what a work week. 

I worry SO much about my success at work and am constantly in fear that I am not doing a good enough job. But everything that's happened says the exact opposite -- I got an achievement award, I've been complimented by my boss, I've been put in charge of training a new junior employee on the most critical aspect of our job, AND to boot, they just told me I am now in charge of our highest paying client. And that the CEO and Dir. of Operations are both excited that I am on this particular client account. 

I think it's my perfectionist side of me that's in the way. I am not satisfied until I see top results for my clients, and achieving those is a tough climb sometimes -- it takes constant analysis and tweaking of web copy, which I constantly do. 

My field sort of lends to perfectionism. If you want a #1 ranking on Google, you have to work hard for it, and sometimes it doesn't come easily. So I tweak tweak tweak, analyze analyze analyze, then more tweaking until I get it just right. UGH. Maybe I am perfect for this field because I am so determined and perfectionistic, but my boss tells me I worry far too much. 

Anyways, it's Sat, a day off, and I'm thinking about my work! UGH. LOL. 

I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU THAT YOU ARE REALLY APPRECIATEDON YOUR JOB.  KEEP THE GOOD WORK UP

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38 minutes ago, RiverLight said:

WOW -- what a work week. 

I worry SO much about my success at work and am constantly in fear that I am not doing a good enough job. But everything that's happened says the exact opposite -- I got an achievement award, I've been complimented by my boss, I've been put in charge of training a new junior employee on the most critical aspect of our job, AND to boot, they just told me I am now in charge of our highest paying client. And that the CEO and Dir. of Operations are both excited that I am on this particular client account. 

I think it's my perfectionist side of me that's in the way. I am not satisfied until I see top results for my clients, and achieving those is a tough climb sometimes -- it takes constant analysis and tweaking of web copy, which I constantly do. 

My field sort of lends to perfectionism. If you want a #1 ranking on Google, you have to work hard for it, and sometimes it doesn't come easily. So I tweak tweak tweak, analyze analyze analyze, then more tweaking until I get it just right. UGH. Maybe I am perfect for this field because I am so determined and perfectionistic, but my boss tells me I worry far too much. 

Anyways, it's Sat, a day off, and I'm thinking about my work! UGH. LOL. 

Yes you are perfect for your job.  I told you they made the right choice with you.  You have the strength and determination to do anything you want in life.  You just have to see that for yourself.  You are someone that can have anything in this world that you want if you put your mind to it.

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15 minutes ago, Rattler6 said:

Tired.

ARE YOU TIRED FROM PHYSICAL WORK OR IS IT FROM BEING MENTALLY DRAINED.

Whatever, it is my friend I hope you be strengthen and you get your Mojo back

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1 hour ago, sober4life said:

Yes you are perfect for your job.  I told you they made the right choice with you.  You have the strength and determination to do anything you want in life.  You just have to see that for yourself.  You are someone that can have anything in this world that you want if you put your mind to it.

Thanks Sober! I don’t feel that way most the time but I can say that determination is key to success and to getting what you want and need. It’s the only way I’ve been successful at anything is through hard work. It’s never been easy. 

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17 minutes ago, RiverLight said:

Thanks Sober! I don’t feel that way most the time but I can say that determination is key to success and to getting what you want and need. It’s the only way I’ve been successful at anything is through hard work. It’s never been easy. 

I know you can be very hard on yourself like me.  That's why you need to listen to the people's opinions around you that care about you instead of that voice in your head that always puts doubt in your head about everything you do.  Everyone thinks you are doing an amazing job with your life because you are.  You've had a very hard life and you're proving that no matter how bad things were there can always be a happy ending.  You're an inspiration to us all!

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Things are improving for me much sooner than I thought they would.  Next week I don't even know what to say about next week.  Next week is the week where all of the hard work I put in is going to pay off.  It's a strong possibility that I will be able to get all of the things I've always wanted in life before my birthday in March.

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5 minutes ago, sober4life said:

Things are improving for me much sooner than I thought they would.  Next week I don't even know what to say about next week.  Next week is the week where all of the hard work I put in is going to pay off.  It's a strong possibility that I will be able to get all of the things I've always wanted in life before my birthday in March.

I want you to print this post and put it up on your fridge so you remember this when the dark mood strikes you again! 

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1 hour ago, lonelyforeigner said:

I want you to print this post and put it up on your fridge so you remember this when the dark mood strikes you again! 

Thank you you are right I will do that.  I desperately need to remember it!  I won't let the darkness take the life I want from me again.  Depression is a dream thief like addiction.

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1 minute ago, sober4life said:

Thank you you are right I will do that.  I desperately need to remember it!  I won't let the darkness take the life I want from me again.  Depression is a dream thief like addiction.

Anything in life that is worth having is worth fighting for especially your WILL AND FREDOM

to Live and Exist! 

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17 minutes ago, sober4life said:

Depression is a dream thief like addiction.

It absolutely is. Sometimes I can wake up hopeful, ready to face the day and wanting to get things done...  an hour later a dark cloud rolls in that suffocates all hope and drains my energy. We need to remind ourselves of the moments when we think like normal people, our true selves, not the negative depressed version wishing to be dead. 

Edited by lonelyforeigner

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20 minutes ago, lonelyforeigner said:

It absolutely is. Sometimes I can wake up hopeful, ready to face the day and wanting to get things done...  an hour later a dark cloud rolls in that suffocates all hope and drains my energy. We need to remind ourselves of the moments when we think like normal people, our true selves, not the negative depressed version wishing to be dead. 

That is so true my friend and every time we get that good feeling we should try to make

the most out of that opportunity to be able to live for a moment.   

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