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Chron_Dep82

Depression: Just in time for the holidays

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I have never used a support group before, but am desperate not to fall into another period of darkness, that can last for months. I feel young-ish, and have so many years ahead of me possibly, but just chronically think about time lost with a long term relationship that failed, things I should of done, but didnt, a new relationship that I know is about to end, because of mood, children I cant focus on at the moment, because I feel so empty, when I should be reveling in their happiness watching them open presents. I destroy any relationships I may have in these moments, and do things to destroy myself now, knowing that if my mind may be in a better place in the future, the destruction to my body im doing now with smoking, stress, eating poorly, may not be able to facilitate my minds readiness to be happy in the future. I just want to feel a little hope for the holidays, that I may be able to find some peace of mind, and enjoy loving and trust being loved by those i am so fortunate to have graced my life. It just hurts, and hurts.

Edited by Chron_Dep82
Grammar

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On 12/25/2018 at 6:57 PM, Chron_Dep82 said:

I have never used a support group before, but am desperate not to fall into another period of darkness, that can last for months. I feel young-ish, and have so many years ahead of me possibly, but just chronically think about time lost with a long term relationship that failed, things I should of done, but didnt, a new relationship that I know is about to end, because of mood, children I cant focus on at the moment, because I feel so empty, when I should be reveling in their happiness watching them open presents. I destroy any relationships I may have in these moments, and do things to destroy myself now, knowing that if my mind may be in a better place in the future, the destruction to my body im doing now with smoking, stress, eating poorly, may not be able to facilitate my minds readiness to be happy in the future. I just want to feel a little hope for the holidays, that I may be able to find some peace of mind, and enjoy loving and trust being loved by those i am so fortunate to have graced my life. It just hurts, and hurts.

It never gets any easier, huh? I hope you can at least find some moments of peace. Know that you are not the only one feeling this way.

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I can relate to these feelings all too well. I've had bouts of it for years and it comes and goes but when it comes it comes on hard. Have you seen anyone for this? A doctor or therapist? I know that if you have never seen one and have not been able to open up about these things it can seem a little overwhelming to do but help is out there whether it be therapy or medication there is help to get you back to feeling good and hopeful about things and be able to participate in the happiness with your children and loved ones. As far as relationships, I understand that it is really hard to keep a healthy one alive when you aren't feeling good about yourself. Also, I know its hard when you have children to try to focus on yourself for a little while and your well being but just for a short time you should really try to get yourself feeling well it will benefit everyone in the long run! I know I've been where you are.. Just remember that even though you feel bad now, better days lie ahead, it helps keep the hope feeling that we all need when feeling down. 

I do hope that you find some comfort soon, and get to feeling better! 

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