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Maxx55

Holiday Blues - Anyone Feel the Same?

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Hi All

It’s 9:00 pm on Christmas Eve and I’m at work (oh horray). 

I feel numb and a bit sad.  I’m 43, not married, no kids, I’m an only child so no brothers or sisters, I lost my mom to a stroke in August ‘17 and while my dad is still around, he doesn’t really want to do Christmas stuff like mom did.  We’d go full out. Christmas tree, ornaments, tinsel, garland, we’d drive around to see decorations and lights at night. Now we he doesn’t...and neither do I. I have a tree I bought two years ago and it hasn’t been out of the box yet.

my dad said he didn’t want anything for Christmas but I got him something we both could enjoy, a tabletop pool table. 

 

While i I see friends and coworkers out celebrating with their families, seeing the joy in the eyes of their kids as they got that perfect Christmas gift (you know, like that kid from A Christmas Story), me?? I’d be happy just not to be alone all the damned time. 

Oh and a month ago I lost my kitty cat. 

 

Can anyone relate?

 

 

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Yeah, definitely.  You've been through a lot and that musty make it much worse for you.  Much more difficult.  

It isn't as bad as it used to be for me nowadays.  After last Christmas, so many people told me how awful their family holiday was:  misunderstandings, arguments, too much "good cheer", old feuds, feeling trapped, constant stress, little spats and disagreements, sibling rivalries come to surface and so on.  

I am alone this Christmas but at least I am not going through what people told about their families last year.  I can't tell me how many people called me on the phone last year to tell me what a nightmare and ordeal their family gatherings were.  "You are so lucky you are single" seemed to be a recurring theme of those phone conversations.  I guess the grass always seems greener on the other side.

But I can certainly identify with so many of the thoughts, feelings and moods that go with being alone on Christmas.  Maybe I can be philosophical about it because I am 64 and "over the hill" so to speak.  I remember loneliness being quite a living hell when I was younger.

I sure hope you can find some peace and joy this Christmas ! ! !  My heart goes out to you ! ! !   - epictetus

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I'm so sorry to hear that you are alone for Christmas and feeling sad. Maybe you can try to continue on with your Moms traditions, even if it's just for yourself with the tree and decorations, going to see the Christmas lights? If you do possibly your father may actually enjoy it too, and if not even if it helps you feel a little bit better to have that on the Holidays might be a good idea. 

Anyway, hoping that you find some happiness in the Holidays!  

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1 hour ago, Maxx55 said:

It’s 9:00 pm on Christmas Eve and I’m at work

It's 25th, noon, and I've been at work in office since 9am. "Holidays" my ****ing ***

When it comes to blues I am DF's undefeatable champion.

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100%! It's super painful when I see everybody around me who's my age celebrate with their families and loved ones while I am completely alone. Not that I want any pity invitations either, when I had an office job some coworkers would always invite me over to their family dinners since they didn't want me to be alone but somehow it was just more of a reminder of something that I'll never have. Now I'm completely withdrawn, just a few fake friends who definitely won't burden themselves with inviting me. 

13 minutes ago, Epictetus said:

"You are so lucky you are single" seemed to be a recurring theme of those phone conversations.

While not everybody can find a relationship absolutely everybody can be single if they want, despite family occasionally being annoying you don't see them choosing singlehood over a partnership. This makes me think that the grass is slightly greener on the other side after all 😄 

18 minutes ago, Grounded said:

If you do possibly your father may actually enjoy it too, and if not even if it helps you feel a little bit better to have that on the Holidays might be a good idea. 

Good point. Sometimes us guys try to be manly by pretending to not care about things like holidays and need someone else to push us a bit. 

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In my tiny apartment in my small apartment building, every tenant is a family with children except for me.

I am single. Alone. Slowly dying in a filthy cemetery bathroom. 

Not that last bit but I've had to listen to the joyous laughter of children and "Feliz Navidad" looping endlessly. Now the church bells are ringing, for midnight mass I suppose. 

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17 hours ago, Epictetus said:

so many people told me how awful their family holiday was:  misunderstandings, arguments, too much "good cheer", old feuds, feeling trapped, constant stress, little spats and disagreements, sibling rivalries come to surface and so on.  

Did you mean this? I thought it rather compassionate, it's what I consider to be the counterbalance to my loneliness. Alone I am but I'm relieved of having to wear my best face whilst dying a little inside. I can't hand-wave this away by shaming myself into gratitude for what I have.

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2 hours ago, Epictetus said:

@Maxx55 @lonelyforeigner @Atra

I realize now that my response was profoundly callous and insensitive. What was I thinking?     I am deeply sorry ! ! !

What? NO! Your response wasn't callous or insensitive. There is nothing wrong with what you said, you simply stated a fact. Most people who are in relationships do indeed envy singles when facing obligations they don't enjoy (like having to visit the in-laws). I have no doubt that at times like this they would prefer to be single. I merely pointed out that they usually don't mean it since they generally DO have the option of being single if they want out but they obviously view staying put as the lesser evil. 

There is also nothing wrong with you appreciating not having to put up with those relationship-issues. I also believe that we have to keep that in mind when wallowing in our loneliness, there are benefits to it like not having to put on an act for the sake of our partner etc. 

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Holiday Blues - Anyone Feel the Same?  Yeah.

I feel like I've hijacked a couple threads with this - I need to vent A LOT - but worst Christmas in years.  Elderly mom pulled her manipulative BS late Christmas Eve and I made what I thought was an ADULT compromise for the day after Christmas.

But my mental health has taken a hit - even toyed with ideation today - b/c I feel I only postponed a stress-inducing situation.  I feel I was only half successful in attending to my needs.  Trying not to feel like I sabotaged my progress.  Thankgawd I have my T first thing Thursday morning.  I might get back on track and actually enjoy my weekend.

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The festive season just feels like a non-event with a ridiculous build up and for me, is kinda tinged with guilt. I've worked through it anyway from 21st and my next day off is tomorrow. I don't have kids or anything, just me, my wife and cat here. Most of my friends here where I am now, like me, aren't from here. They're spending their season away with family if they're not working. Didn't have that option this year, but if I'm still at the same place I will next year. I struggle with winter anyway, struggle to get into the spirit and to be honest the season just makes me feel like a let down.

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I've been working myself to a frazzle the past month, and haven't had time to think about much else. Now that I have some time off, the futility that is my existence, is working it's way back into my conscience. Hopefully I can survive another week off without plunging into the depths of despair again. 

I've obviously done everything wrong in my life: a wife that ignores me, no other family, a mountain of bills, no friends, no financial security. Just work to keep my feeble mind busy. Without that I'll surely perish.

 

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Don’t we mostly  come from a time when this holiday was about the birth of Christ? The nativity scence, the carols, the sharing of simple gifts, some cookies, a hand written note, or home made cards.

Im not a relgious person but I see how times have changed, we buy our cards and sign them, we talk  only of Santa and what he will bring, and how much it will cost.  We even go into significant debt to make it happen but are we happier?

I believe in political correctness and acceptance of every creed, colour, religion etc, but wonder why that should stop us enjoying our own simple holiday. It’s through increased commercialism of the holidays we feel worse. I wish this would change but I don’t see it happening, so I guess I need to modify my values to accept this progress, or become bluer each year. 

Hopefully, the light at the end of the tunnel is improved understanding and affordable treatments for this terrible illness

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I can relate as well... in fact, my situation is just about the same, except I lost my cat a good number of years ago (and can't get a new one, thanks to where I live now). Just about everyone around me has a family and is celebrating. It's somewhat demoralizing to think about the same time next year and afterwards, assuming I'm still around.

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Well it’s a week later and now it’s New Year’s and yes, I’m at work again.  

Still feel the same.  

 

I feel part part of it is due to work situation. I’m not happy with where I am in my supposed career. So much so that I’m looking at new jobs in a completely different state compared to where I live now. No, more like 6 hours away by car. 

I’m sure you have been asked “where do you see yourself in three years” well I’ve always said management. Manager, director you know something like that.   Do I get help, oh no. No ideas on how to further my career..no help. New guy shows up. Manager bends over backwards to help the new guy. I ask for the same treatment...completely blown off, nothing but deafening silence.  

Promotional position to manager comes up. One that I had been waiting 7 years to open. I applied, interviewed and wasn’t selected. The new guy was promoted. When I asked why I wasn’t selected, the hiring person brought up all the stuff the new guy did (same stuff I had no response to) was used as justification not to promote me.  Basically the new guy was selected and chosen to be promoted on day one regardless of what anyone else had to say.  

 

It’s stuff like this that sometimes makes me think “gee I really am a loser and there isn’t a damned thing I can do about it .”

 

 

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26 minutes ago, Maxx55 said:

Well it’s a week later and now it’s New Year’s and yes, I’m at work again.  

Still feel the same.  

 

I feel part part of it is due to work situation. I’m not happy with where I am in my supposed career. So much so that I’m looking at new jobs in a completely different state compared to where I live now. No, more like 6 hours away by car. 

I’m sure you have been asked “where do you see yourself in three years” well I’ve always said management. Manager, director you know something like that.   Do I get help, oh no. No ideas on how to further my career..no help. New guy shows up. Manager bends over backwards to help the new guy. I ask for the same treatment...completely blown off, nothing but deafening silence.  

Promotional position to manager comes up. One that I had been waiting 7 years to open. I applied, interviewed and wasn’t selected. The new guy was promoted. When I asked why I wasn’t selected, the hiring person brought up all the stuff the new guy did (same stuff I had no response to) was used as justification not to promote me.  Basically the new guy was selected and chosen to be promoted on day one regardless of what anyone else had to say.  

 

It’s stuff like this that sometimes makes me think “gee I really am a loser and there isn’t a damned thing I can do about it .”

 

 

I feel you my friend and I’m in the same 

position that you are hopefully things will 

get better for the both of us 

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Just got home....I know right now people are celebrating 2019 in New York and singing New York, New York and Auld Lang Syne and kissing their significant other. I guess it doesn't really help either that my now ex-wife also left me at this time.....NYE 2007.....

 

Ugh I know I shouldn't torture myself but it's difficult not to think about and I also think it makes me have trust issues. 😢

 

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17 minutes ago, Maxx55 said:

Ugh I know I shouldn't torture myself but it's difficult not to think about and I also think it makes me have trust issues. 😢

It's understandable. NYE can be a slap in the face for anyone who is alone and is generally a tragic reminder of everything we didn't achieve when we're depressed. So sorry that this also reminds you of your wife leaving you, must make it so much harder :console:

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I now have post-holidays blues. It's a long uphill slog towards spring from this point and I don't have anything to look forward to. At least with the holidays, I get a couple of days away from hell...er, I mean work.

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Sounds like a lot of us get the holiday blues.  I have a pretty dysfunctional family.  Especially my sister who gets a lot of pleasure making my life miserable.  Thus I never go to see family there because we generally get into disagreements or fights.  I can't wait to leave and be at peace.  Like you I see families enjoying themselves and wish it could be that way again.  

I have some options for Christmas and New Years but this year I have no energy or interest.  I think a lot of it has to do with the state of the world right now.  Also I worked in retail for 30 years and in the department store business Christmas starts in November with decorations going up, Christmas playing nonstop, and working major hours.  By the time the holiday actually comes I already am over it.  The funny thing is Christmas was always so special to me. 

Hopefully you will have a better Christmas next year.  Take care!

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Well the last two months have been interesting to say the least. 

On November 8th my kitty cat that I have had for 13 years, Tiger, passed away. 

On December 13th (my birthday), I went in and had a colonoscopy....what a fun thing to do on one's birthday, right? I got the results back...fortunately no cancer, but they found inflammation. I guess that's my present. 

Then Christmas and New Years came and went.....

 

 

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