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desperateloser

The moment you realize that no one will fall in love with you

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It is a very understandable situation for a person who can write a book of rejection.

So you're a combination of genes that have to be screened by the vast majority of natural selection so far. Humanity now comes to natural selection in this way. My shitty genes will not be transferred to future generations because the opposite gender does not like us. If you do children with coincidentally shitty genes, they will go through these paths. Mother Nature looked that humanity carrying thousands of poor quality genes was full, in order to eliminate these, the scum people looked like they wouldn't die,  made them someone who no one could ever fall in love with. So these are all things for natural selection. At the very least, it will be a kind that no one will enjoy, as well as the peace that will not add an individual to humanity. No, we speak.

It is hard to accept but it is true.

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Here's my take on the subject. The "good looking" and "successful" people can and do sometimes become the sociopaths that rule over the rest of us. They have no conscience and often are the cause of vast amounts of suffering from their actions--including war-making. These genes have been with us for millennia as well.

I was fortunate to have never passed along my genes (my daughter is adopted). I have a rare genetic disease that I inherited from my mom. It invariably leads to kidney and colon cancer, as well as deteriorating lungs. I've already had one kidney removed and have had polyps in my colon removed. I also have about 50% of normal lung capacity so I'm easily winded. Thank goodness I did not pass this crap along to another generation.

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If I ever have children I will have to apologize to them for the rest of my life.  I'm the duck billed platypus of people for sure.  I'm just made up of a bunch of spare parts that didn't work out for the other people.  I'm what's left over that would have been thrown in the garbage all mashed up into one person.

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I was recently on no less than three dating apps: OkCupid, Tinder, Bumble. On the few occasions when someone actually responded to me (less than 10 in a year's time) and we went out nothing became of it.  The last one, however was telling. She was perfect for me. Same age, attractive, same height (I'm only 5'8" but that's relatively tall for a woman). I've always loved film and once thought I'd be a screenwriter. She was a former film editor and now view films for festivals.  We talked for a few hours and she seemed interested but by the end I just wanted to go home and be alone.

That saying, "It's not you, its me." It really is me. I think I've been alone so long I simply don't know how to be with other people. And all those people who never took an interest in me or responded? I think they sensed it the way some animals can smell sickness in others so they know to avoid them.

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1 hour ago, samadhiSheol said:

I believe I have said this before, but what a sad world we live in, when reality is this for so many of us.

What about dating websites because I believe there is somebody for everyone if you seek you shall find even if you have to look under a rock your significant other is out there somewhere.  Best of luck my friend 

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17 minutes ago, Floor2017 said:

What about dating websites because I believe there is somebody for everyone if you seek you shall find even if you have to look under a rock your significant other is out there somewhere.  Best of luck my friend 

I must emphasize that my point was really that some of us never find happiness, within a realtionship or without one. If we can't live with ourselves we probably can't live with other people either.

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13 minutes ago, samadhiSheol said:

I must emphasize that my point was really that some of us never find happiness, within a realtionship or without one. If we can't live with ourselves we probably can't live with other people either.

Ok, I understand but most of us will go out of our way to try to content the other person because we know that we have some issues and we can not believe everything that is going on in your mind 

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so are you saying only the strong, beautiful people fall in love? do you have any idea how many beautiful people get married and then get divorced? or how many gorgeous people end up with debilitating diseases?  beautiful people are beautiful but that doesn't mean they have perfect lives. 

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9 minutes ago, AF2018 said:

so are you saying only the strong, beautiful people fall in love? do you have any idea how many beautiful people get married and then get divorced? or how many gorgeous people end up with debilitating diseases?  beautiful people are beautiful but that doesn't mean they have perfect lives. 

Life is whatever you make of it regardless of what hand has been dealt to you.  You must still play to win 

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On 11/30/2018 at 3:42 AM, Floor2017 said:

Life is whatever you make of it regardless of what hand has been dealt to you.  You must still play to win 

 

If we start from the beginning of the event, before anyone we're born, No one asked us: "Look, there is such a world, you will go here for a while, do something and disappear. Do you want to try it?" I am confident that if we had such a chance and had made an objective presentation about the world and life before it was born to us, a considerable part of the people who have lived / lived so far would not accept this experience.

When we were born, no questions were asked and we were born in a way. There are some rules of this life, we have never been asked again and we are expected to comply only. I'm not talking about the classic "grow-read-find a job-work-marry-child-get old-die" pattern. I'm talking about the sentence you're talking about. We are convinced that life is beautiful, worth living, and death is terrible. We have to love life according to you. We are in a world filled with wars, tortures, genocides, and all kinds of abominations, and we are asked to think that "life is worth living despite everything" without thinking about the people who are exposed to it.

And there's no need to experience great destruction. As an ordinary person, I can't love life. I have the right to be bored. Perhaps most importantly, I have the right to end this life any time.

I may not like everyday life. I may be sick of life routines. Things that have been put in front of me by someone as a "target" may not mean anything to me. When I give up all this, society will exclude me and leave me to die.

If we respect the people who love to live, enjoy and sustain, we have to respect the people who think otherwise.

Anyway, maybe everything I write is bullshit. There might be logical fallacies.

I don't really give a shit anymore.

Edited by desperateloser

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MY mind has been dwelling on the same thing. We are our genes. Our genes determine what we look like, how attractive we are, how talented we are, etc... You aren’t either dealt a good hand or you’re not. If you’re not, nothing you can do about it. There is no such thing as “self-improvement” or “practice”. Your genes determine it all. It sucks. It’s not the world we were told it was when we were children. The world where “everyone is capable of anything they set their mind to”, or where “there’s someone out there for everyone”. There are ones who have been gifted with the right genes to make it work, and others who might as well **** ourselves.

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On 11/29/2018 at 7:42 PM, Floor2017 said:

Life is whatever you make of it regardless of what hand has been dealt to you.  You must still play to win 

See this is the type of lie op is talking about. This is the platitude we were all sold growing up. But the more you learn about reality, the more you see how utterly wrong it is. Life is absolutely NOT “what we make it”. We are victims of our genes. We are at their mercy. They determine what we can/can’t do. For some of us, we might as well just die because evolution has determined that we’re failures.

Edited by IShouldDie

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14 minutes ago, IShouldDie said:

MY mind has been dwelling on the same thing. We are our genes. Our genes determine what we look like, how attractive we are, how talented we are, etc... You aren’t either dealt a good hand or you’re not. If you’re not, nothing you can do about it. There is no such thing as “self-improvement” or “practice”. Your genes determine it all. It sucks. It’s not the world we were told it was when we were children. The world where “everyone is capable of anything they set their mind to”, or where “there’s someone out there for everyone”. There are ones who have been gifted with the right genes to make it work, and others who might as well **** ourselves.

My friend you make a valid point it is so much harder for people to overcome a really

bad situation that they have been dealt in life.  I have learned that if you see something

that you want and if you are willing to fight really hard for those things you can change

your destiny regardless of your bad genes.  Now there are some circumstances that might

make this almost impossible.  There are people who can draw with no hands and people

who can drive without legs.  So, sometimes we just have to dig deep way down to find the

strength to overcome.  I know I was one of them. 

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41 minutes ago, IShouldDie said:

See this is the type of lie op is talking about. This is the platitude we were all sold growing up. But the more you learn about reality, the more you see how utterly wrong it is. Life is absolutely NOT “what we make it”. We are victims of our genes. We are at their mercy. They determine what we can/can’t do. For some of us, we might as well just die because evolution has determined that we’re failures.

 

I really don't know what to do anymore. I want to **** myself seriously. Death sounds like a reward to me. But there is also a fear that prevents me from committing suicide. It always seems to me like a case that doesn't leave before it finds its place. The fall in the life story of the people can be evaluated as the last point of his reaction to his fractures. If we think of the earth as a deep well of despair, the human wants to get out of the well and reach Plato's bright idea, but when it comes to the consciousness that this will never be realized, there are rare options. The rest is to combine it with action.

Edited by desperateloser

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9 minutes ago, desperateloser said:

 

I really don't know what to do anymore. I want to **** myself seriously. Death sounds like a reward to me. But there is also a fear that prevents me from committing suicide. It always seems to me like a case that doesn't leave before it finds its place. The fall in the life story of the people can be evaluated as the last point of his reaction to his fractures. If we think of the earth as a deep well of despair, the human wants to get out of the well and reach Plato's bright idea, but when it comes to the consciousness that this will never be realized, there are rare options. The rest is to combine it with action.

I know it shattered me when I began to realize this. I was always depressed and had suicidal thoughts, but the belief in the back of my mind that I did possess the power to change it always gave me just enough comfort to not be fully suicidal. But now that I’ve gained a better understanding of life and reality, I’m just broken down. Life is an absolute tragedy when you fully understand the truth of it all. It is not the world we were sold.

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11 minutes ago, IShouldDie said:

I know it shattered me when I began to realize this. I was always depressed and had suicidal thoughts, but the belief in the back of my mind that I did possess the power to change it always gave me just enough comfort to not be fully suicidal. But now that I’ve gained a better understanding of life and reality, I’m just broken down. Life is an absolute tragedy when you fully understand the truth of it all. It is not the world we were sold.

There's a lot to talk about. I wish I had a friend like you in my life.

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Easy to say but hard to believe and accept - not a single one of us knows what's around the corner. I, and I suspect plenty of other people on this forum, have been in relationships and spent pretty much the whole time thinking "what the hell do you see in me".

In previous relationships I've made all sorts of excuses, oh if she really knew me she wouldn't like me, I'm not who she thinks I am, there must be something wrong with her. All bollocks. I don't get to make that decision, neither do you. Barely know my own mind, never mind anybody else's. Like anything, so easy to say and so hard to believe and accept. I'm married now, I've been with my wife longer than I was with my four exes combined. Even now I have my doubts, but that's me. I know that.  

Different people fall in love with different people. We've all got our own things that make us tick and turn us on. We've got different ideas of attractiveness, success, humour, etc. All valid to whoever holds them. We don't get to decide.

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On 12/5/2018 at 1:35 PM, desperateloser said:

If we start from the beginning of the event

the way i look at life is this..

if I'm 100% completely honest with myself, there is no way I..me.. the person i am... is suffering the most out of every other human in the world. and yet, people who are suffering 1000 times more than i somehow manage to survive. if they can do it.. so can i.

i remember once when i was feeling down years ago, i was walking around outside and i saw this woman in a wheelchair. no legs, thin as bone, and had a tube in her throat. and yet SHE WAS SMILING. How is that possible? how could SHE be smiling and I'm over here sulking? it really struck home for me and from that day forward i looked differently on life. 

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So how do you deal with this realization? Unfortunately, I can relate.

We're taught early on that there's someone out there for everyone, how it'll "just happen" one day, that there's a lid for every pot, etc. I've watched it happen for those around me, too. And yet once you get to a certain age, you realize that you just might be the exception.

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I get to thinking along those lines because I am depressed. Then I consider the rebuttal and in my view, it's an argument from ignorance. 

"Insufficient investigation to prove the proposition be either true or false. Nor does it allow for the possibility that the answer is unknowable or neither completely true nor completely false."

Not enough data to draw the conclusion that one is unlovable, the world of people each of us is presently acquainted with is small. That world can and will grow either by our intention or by chance or both. 

As it was, as it is, so shall it ever be - this line of reasoning also doesn't endure under scrutiny as change occurs in all living things. If you wish to argue that some people never change, I'll agree - only in the matter human stubbornness. 

Emotional reasoning, I feel I'm unlovable so I am, evidenced by how I feel. Circular but whatever. I'm depressed, this makes sense to me and logic can suck it. 

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I'm not putting full effort into finding someone right now.  Right now until the end of the year I'm taking care of myself and enjoying/surviving the holidays.  Starting January until my birthday in March I will put full effort into finding someone and I expect to find someone.  If I'm not celebrating with someone I love on my birthday I will take my last drink and that will be the last day I waste on this planet.  It's as simple as that.  The lights will be shut off for the last time.

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