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20YearsandCounting

TA's "What's On Your Mind Right Now?" Thread, Part 2

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3 hours ago, evalynn said:

By the way I tried that Burger King "taco" and it was so gross neither my husband nor I could finish it. It made Taco Bell taste like the finest of cuisine straight from Mexico City. :yuck:

Their spicy chicken sandwich is good though. 🙂 

I agree I like their chicken sandwich too but it's the only thing I like there.

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I've always noticed in old tv shows and movies and family photos from the 1970s that everyones hair had either a slight 'frizzy' or burnished look to it. Could anyone who grew up in that era provide any insight into this? Did people not brush, or maybe over brush their then? And was washing your hair a lengthy, involved process? Female characters on sitcoms were constantly making plans to wash their hair as if it was. I'm fascinated with the way people from one decade to the next 'look' different in ways not necessarily related to clothing. 

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I have always said I don't have a passion for anything. I do have a bunch of "interests" though..

I have been reading quite a bit lately. A few novels and also more factual literature, more to the point books concerning theoretical physics and cosmology. 

I have been somewhat interested with stuff like this since I was a kid. I seem to always return to physics/astronomy/cosmology at some point. The thing is, could I do anything with this interest?

Problem is I am crap at math. I am also crap at anything to do with conventional studying.  Reading, assignments and essays I can work with but not lectures and/or  exams. I just don't accumulate knowledge in that respect. And if something doesn't interest me, I just can't be bothered. That would explain the eight or nine times I have quitted open university studies. Haha.

All moot I suppose. At my age I have little chance at studying for a degree. In my neck of the woods they don't have a complete curriculum for online degrees. Then there is the cost and the fact I need this (crappy entry level job, can't get a better one as I don't have the clout) to pay my way. 

Stuck.

 

 

 

 

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@samadhiSheolI have those interests as well.  For as long as I can remember I've wanted to get the hell out of here.  The day they find life on another planet all my spare time will be spent building a rocket in the backyard and trying to figure out a way to get to that other planet.

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I always thought it would be a smarter idea to exaggerate your age rather than mislead people to think you are younger to attract them. If you are 50 and tell people you are 80, they will think how fabulous you look for your age and envy you. If you are 80 and claim to be 50, everyone will think how terribly you've aged. 

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I still wonder what happened to the luggage I lost in January during my flight from New Orleans to New Mexico. I got reimbursed for everything, but I would rather have had the all the things I packed back. I didn't expect it would vanish forever. 

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I don't feel like going to art therapy tomorrow. I only began to because my psychologist who incorporates art therapy into his work, and I believe was the one to bring the art therapist into the organization's fold, suggested it. I feel too pressured in the setting to create anything meaningful or that makes any sense at all. I never feel comfortable talking to her about anything but superficial things, either. She doesn't ever seem to really understand what I'm talking about. It's always "Awww, that's too bad!" with her. 

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Today is the first day I'm officially a home owner and my well went dry.  Everything else has happened so of course this had to happen as well.  If there is a God ever since mom passed away he has been trying everything he can think of to push me to join her.  Every test that could possibly be put in front of me has been put in front of me every step of the way!

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Posted (edited)

Angry. With myself. For being such a loser. Though saying that I don’t know what being a “winner” would constitute of. I dislike the place I am in life(chronically, my entire adult life) but I don’t know what a good life could consist of.

I don’t know what I want and I have no dreams. I am ****ing 50 for crying out loud.

Life just gets shittier and more empty by the day. There is no way out of being me other than death. I despise the person I am yet I wouldn’t  be anyone else either as they are probably as crap as I am.

We are doing our best to destroy the world(or at least our selves, the only solace I find in the tragedy called the human race is that the universe doesn’t give a fff about us once we are gone) and though we now realize it we are asking the wrong questions. No, I don’t know the right ones either but our future is something I won’t be around to see.   All we are capable of doing is causing more destruction. Good riddance once we are gone.

God I hate myself. I hate humanity too. Pretty obvious haha.

 

Edited by samadhiSheol

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Through life there are times where I think I know what would make a good life but every time I get there I'm wrong.  I hate life no matter what it consists of and at 40 I still have no idea who I am or what I want.  There really is no original person.  It's been a lifetime of me saying maybe if I am like that person I will be happy.  My only happy day will be the day I know I'm going to finish myself off!

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22 hours ago, sober4life said:

Today is the first day I'm officially a home owner and my well went dry.  Everything else has happened so of course this had to happen as well.  If there is a God ever since mom passed away he has been trying everything he can think of to push me to join her.  Every test that could possibly be put in front of me has been put in front of me every step of the way!

I fixed my water issues for now.  I just have to take this nightmare one day at a time at this point.  It would be nice if the next 16 days would be easy to get through but they're not going to be.  Nothing will stop me from getting to 2 years it's that simple.  

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Posted (edited)

Got my candied lemons baking! I'm so excited to see how they come out. I didn't have corn syrup so I added honey to the sugar syrup to pour oven them. 

I feel so good right now that I got the cake and stuff out of the way! I'm always so tense before and during baking, but I feel so great afterwards when I see the results. The anxiety is almost worth the later high and sense of accomplishment.

I still have to clean the kitchen a bit (...or do I? 🤔) and take a shower. So either I will get these things done in the next few hours, or I will actually fall asleep. Either way, I will sort of win.

Edited by evalynn

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3 minutes ago, Tears_Always said:

@evalynn shouldn't whomever is going to eat that clean.....

It's for my mom's birthday tomorrow, so actually we're all going to eat it. Usually my husband cleans up the kitchen for me, but he worked a late shift and went to bed before I was done baking. I will probably just quickly wipe down the counters and leave the dishes for tomorrow. 

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Posted (edited)

Having a particularly bad 24 here.  As many of you know, I have a sh*tload of stuff going on in my life.

I'm try to force myself to stay in the present.  TODAY I have a roof over my head.  TODAY I have food in the refrigerator and pantry.  TODAY I have a cat who loves me and who's safe.  TODAY my bills are up to date.  For that matter, hell, TODAY I have a full tank of gas.  I wish I had the words to express the tremendous effort this takes.  It's pretty much moment to moment right now.

Put another way, even dipping slightly into yesterday or tomorrow will plunge me into a hole from which I fear there would be no escape.  I really hope my gut can get to a place where I can post something positive.

Edited by MarkintheDark

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I'm thinking about going to a new church tonight, I haven't decided to move just fancied a change really. Just hoping that the people there are nice and welcoming 😊

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