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TA's "What's On Your Mind Right Now?" Thread, Part 2

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My mom is having difficulties. She routinely struggles with nouns when speaking and she's forgetting things. This is understandable, she's 84. Thing is, her 90 year old friend is starting to present with dementia which is activating my mom's anxiety and I think causing her depression symptoms to spike.

Today I took her out for tea, she seemed very distracted. How much of her difficulties are due to her age? How much are due to her freaking out over aging? I really don't know. 

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1 hour ago, Atra said:

My mom is having difficulties. She routinely struggles with nouns when speaking and she's forgetting things. This is understandable, she's 84. Thing is, her 90 year old friend is starting to present with dementia which is activating my mom's anxiety and I think causing her depression symptoms to spike.

Today I took her out for tea, she seemed very distracted. How much of her difficulties are due to her age? How much are due to her freaking out over aging? I really don't know. 

Sorry to hear about your mom. It's very sad and I feel for you.

Unfortunately, worrying about our ageing parents seems like a permanent fixture.

The best advice I can offer is 'try to put some space around it'. Try to accept the worry and take a step back from it. It will most likely always be there but we are most helpful to our parents and to ourselves if we don't allow ourselves to be consumed by our worry for them.

Easier said than done sometimes I know but sometimes we can do it. :hugs:

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47 minutes ago, Nightjar said:

The best advice I can offer is 'try to put some space around it'. Try to accept the worry and take a step back from it. It will most likely always be there but we are most helpful to our parents and to ourselves if we don't allow ourselves to be consumed by our worry for them.

Speaking from my own experience, I have to concur with @Nightjar's particularly concise advice.

I'd also suggest that if she has other socials outlets with which she's comfortable, you encourage her participation.  This is not all on you, though at times it might start to feel like it.  You and I have already had this discussion, but I'll reiterate that this is probably the time to get YOUR OWN support system working.

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Posted (edited)
7 hours ago, sober4life said:

I feel like I'm at the lowest point I've ever been to.  I don't want things to get better.  I want things to end.  I'm in so much pain I can't stand it.  I just want to die so the pain ends.

Unfortunately I can totally relate. It is just so awful, I can't imagine anything worse.

Edited by Tilted

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Glad that I got to do some positive things for myself today. 

Realizing that I am going to have to get around my internal resistance to a few things.  Like studying for work.  I found the trick was to do it in small bites.  Read a chapter a day and go from there. 

I do not have the will that I used to.  As following that gave me little more than injuries and insanity.  I need to be good to myself. 

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@Rattler6 if this is stuff that you need to know well, you might want to try one of the methods I used when studying... I would take a block of time say 10 minutes and that would be reading and concentrating on the material then a 5 minute break. You can do this in any combo that works for you but break must always be less than study. For some stuff I was able to go to an hour on with 15 off. It can make the whole thing a lot easier and much less overwhelming.

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20 hours ago, Nightjar said:

try to put some space around it'. Try to accept the worry and take a step back from it.

I feel you. I thought about your suggestion, I do want to model that exact sort of behavior for mom and hope she adopts it. That's worked before. Mom sees her friend deteriorating and changes of any kind probably seem scary. What if I can show her a way to experience all these changes happening to her without all this suffering? I admit it's so hard to not let her distress become my own. I'll try to take a step back from it. Thank you  

19 hours ago, MarkintheDark said:

You and I have already had this discussion, but I'll reiterate that this is probably the time to get YOUR OWN support system working.

You're right, it is. I am talking about my worries with close friends rather than holding it in and that's something. But your comment made me realize I haven't drawn on an important, available source of support. I have a cousin who is local and has already been through this with her own mom. This is a family member who I can trust and turn to for advice and even assistance with mom. I haven't done so yet (probably because I've been taking it on alone like a dummy?) but I will have an opportunity when I see her tomorrow. Thank you. 

 

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you might look into what is available for caregivers in your area. where I live there is an organization that has volunteers that will come sit with your mother for a while so you can get a break.  Also look into Alzheimer's/Dementia organizations for what they have available.

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Sunday morning going slow
I'm talking to the radio
Clothes and records on the floor
Memories of the night before
Out in club-land having fun
And now I´m hiding from the sun
Waiting for a visitor
Though no-one knows I'm here for sure
Dancing laughing
Drinking loving
And now I'm all alone
In bedsit land
My only home
I think it's time to cook a meal
To fill the emptiness I feel
Spent my money going out
I've nothing I'm left without
Clean my teeth and comb my hair
Look for something new to wear
Start the nightlife over again
Kid myself I'm having fun
Dancing laughing
Drinking loving
And now I'm all alone
In bedsit land
My only home
Look out from my window view
I've really nothing else to do
Read a book and write a letter
Mother, things are getting better
Watch the mirror count the lines
The battle scars of all the good times
Look around and I can see
A thousand people just like me
Dancing laughing
Drinking loving
And now I'm all alone
In bedsit land
My only home
Dancing laughing
Drinking loving
And now I'm all alone
In bedsit land
My only home
I'm waiting for something
I'm only passing time
 
 
Soft Cell - Bedstitter

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Lots of thoughts on how I have not pushed myself in the right direction.  I listened to a video on the philosophy of Kreia earlier today.  Pondering my own weaknesses and hating myself for not putting forth proper effort to overcome them. 

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On 6/30/2019 at 5:13 PM, Rattler6 said:

Pondering my own weaknesses and hating myself for not putting forth proper effort to overcome them.

fwiw, that's not how I see you at all.  Seems to me you're doing the work constantly.  I hesitate to use the "mindfulness" buzzword, but that's what I read from you all the time.  You've been doing a lot, imo.

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On 6/30/2019 at 10:32 AM, nojoy said:

Also look into Alzheimer's/Dementia organizations for what they have available.

I'll second finding a caregiver's group when/if you start to feel overwhelmed.  What I've found online was a bit disappointing to me personally since they seem to attract a few aggressive religious types, but the group meetings in my experience were a lot more helpful...and, heck, it was real people who lived locally.

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1 hour ago, sober4life said:

I wonder if I could possibly make more of a mess of the plumbing before the plumber gets here!  I can't resist.  I have to keep trying to do it myself and things keep getting worse and worse and worse!

Right after I posted that I finally figured it out.  I fixed it!  Before all of this started I knew nothing about plumbing.  I've been obsessed with plumbing since this happened.  All day every day talking to people I know and watching youtube videos and now I know how to do everything they do.  Oh I feel so good.  Just when I am about to snap completely things come together!  I will never give up no matter what is thrown my way!

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Thinking about my next step for work.  Going to start on a new certification soon.  I will get the books well in advance and go over them before I start the coursework as pushing too hard will not be a good decision on my part.

Hate to be political but really not looking forward to election year.  Where I will not like my choices and choose which rights and privileges I want restricted or defacto eliminated.  Not a fan of telling other people what to do or being told what to do under most circumstances.

 

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8 hours ago, watalife said:

@sober4life since your doing well, do you know how to fix a smelly air conditioner.  I've checked the vents and they look clean. And researched all day yesterday. Its awful! :cry: 

It's probably from mold.  You need to find where the mold is and get rid of it.

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22 hours ago, watalife said:

do you know how to fix a smelly air conditioner.  I've checked the vents and they look clean. And researched all day yesterday. Its awful!

Stupid question. Did you check the filter?

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