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20YearsandCounting

TA's "What's On Your Mind Right Now?" Thread, Part 2

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22 hours ago, Soarsie18 said:

@moodyjuniper I have no one to talk to right now. Not even about frivolous stuff. My friends are all in another city. I'm too anxious to go out and meet them. I can't see my other school friends because it would mean having to go to school and facing my cousin. I've lost my safe place to talk to people. My friends will be back in a couple of weeks for easter holiday. I'll make sure to force myself to make the most of that opportunity. Even if I have to pretend that everything is actually alright. Just being with them is enough.

😞 I still think an in-person support group would help you. It's a safe place to go to talk openly about what's happening, and it might be a good first step to help you overcome your anxiety. The more pockets of support you can create, the better off you'll be. Even if you find just one person with whom you can talk. Over time, you'll have one person here, one person there... It's worked for me in the past, and it's what I'm trying to do now. It doesn't happen 100% of the time. I haven't found anyone at school yet, but I do have someone at work, two at the bank... You might be pleasantly surprised how much having a familiar face almost everywhere you go helps. 🙂 It's your own community outside of your cousin that she can't muddy up. 😉 

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@moodyjuniper

I’ll try making familiar faces, I like that idea. Have to make the first step by going outside though - thank you. I am feeling so much more confident in myself. It’s just hard to go back into society because I’ve been out of it for so long. 

My friends will be finishing university soon and will be coming home, so I guess I’m coming to the end of it. Thank you so much nonetheless. Can’t wait to start again in a new place, with fresh faces, and just having people to talk to day to day. I can feel normal then - like you said. My anxiety only builds up when i’m away from that. I know you will find a friendly face in school, maybe you just have to wait to find someone you click with ?? 

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Gotta make a mention since this made my afternoon.  Among the friends I with whom I hadn't connected in a while was a burly, ol' firefighter who's about like an older brother, despite our politics being completely opposite.

When we saw each other he gave me a big ol' bear hug almost as if I was his long lost little brother.  I was really touched.

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Posted (edited)

I am just thinking about a young lass I met yesterday when I was in a library over in Leicestershire, she was struggling to do a personal statement on her CV so she asked me to help her and a result we had quite an enjoyable chat about our lives after it was done 😊 I was kinda tempted to give her my number but I am not deluded enough to think she would be interested in an old bloke like me 😂

Edited by hocico

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16 hours ago, evalynn said:

@sober4life What would she say to you if she were here right now?

It's time to come home is what she should say but I'm sure she would say don't give up.  Next month is Mother's Day and June is her birthday.  If nothing gets better for me I'll probably be in the cemetery with her.  There has to be a reason to stay and continuing to look foolish isn't a good enough reason.

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I hope things turn out better. I hope life progresses better and my stress and pain goes away- I've been slipping here and there, but I'm still holding on okay. Though I've really been wanting to eat better, I'm kind of thinking on tracking what I eat, just not counting calories like I used to.

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Posted (edited)

Hopelessness. This is it. There is nothing “around the corner”, other than more emptiness, disappointment and despair. More of “life”. So empty and pointless.

I am fcked.  It’s so dark where I am. All the time. The wrong kind of darkness. The kind that sucks you in, surrounding you, blinding you raping you.. and k ills your soul if you were lucky to have one. 

I am nothing. I died a long time ago. I shouldn’t  be here anymore. I don’t really even want to be here anymore. I don’t want these thoughts. I don’t Want to keep writing these fcking words over and over, nothing changes. Nothing ever changes.

Hatred anger emptiness frustration disillusion, disappointment fear anxiety Hatred anger emptiness frustration disillusion, disappointment fear anxiety Hatred anger emptiness frustration disillusion, disappointment fear anxiety Hatred anger emptiness frustration disillusion, disappointment fear anxiety 

It is k Illing me. Df is k illing me. Me being here has made me feel even worse. 

I even fail at quitting this fcking forum. 

How fcking sad is that.

I want this life to end.

 

 

Edited by samadhiSheol

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2 hours ago, samadhiSheol said:

It is k Illing me. Df is k illing me. Me being here has made me feel even worse. 

 I even fail at quitting this fcking forum. 

 

Df is funny like that. I’ve been wanting to quit for a long time but I keep coming back.. maybe it’s the people here.. I dunno.. keep pushing and keep fighting.. we r fighting for nothing.. but just take it one day at a time.. it’s not easy.. nothing is easy.. 

its 6.30am where I am. Getting up to go to work. Why. What’s the point? There is no point. But still, I have to fight. 

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Posted (edited)

Golly.  What a terrific start to Monday morning.  Kitty brought me breakfast in bed.  That would be nice, except he's still playing with it.  Yes, it's small and furry and has a tail.  What do you do when Kitty plays with YOUR food?

Edited by MarkintheDark

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