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20YearsandCounting

TA's "What's On Your Mind Right Now?" Thread, Part 2

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I'm not doing that well since my pdoc cut back my med just one week ago because of side effects. I'm wondering if I should give it more time or call her and say I can't do this because I'm more depressed and not sleeping as well.

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15 minutes ago, BeyondWeary said:

I'm not doing that well since my pdoc cut back my med just one week ago because of side effects. I'm wondering if I should give it more time or call her and say I can't do this because I'm more depressed and not sleeping as well.

If you're not sure you should call and tell her about how you're feeling and see what she says.  I have been worried about you.

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My entire life will be people taking advantage of me and abusing me over and over.  I will think I have found someone better over and over and they will always turn out to be one of the worst ones that leaves scars that last forever.  There will never be anyone good in my life.  Everyone will enter my life with some agenda and they will hurt me without a care in the world over and over.  This life has been such a waste of time from day one!

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10 minutes ago, sober4life said:

My entire life will be people taking advantage of me and abusing me over and over.  I will think I have found someone better over and over and they will always turn out to be one of the worst ones that leaves scars that last forever.

You and me both. I seem to have an uncanny talent for inviting narcissists into my life, sometimes I wonder if it's my weakness that they are attracted to or if it's just me falling for their initial charm. It always ends the same, a one sided-friendships that leaves me scared when I realize that they don't give a damn about me. 

Edited by lonelyforeigner

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I don’t think I ever will go back into therapy again once I’m wrapped up with the two therapists I have now. In the end, I inevitably develop some degree of feelings for them, and I concern myself more with whether they ‘like’ me or not than whatever it is they are doing or saying to help me. 

 

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7 minutes ago, SqueezeWax said:

I don’t think I ever will go back into therapy again once I’m wrapped up with the two therapists I have now. In the end, I inevitably develop some degree of feelings for them, and I concern myself more with whether they ‘like’ me or not than whatever it is they are doing or saying to help me. 

Perhaps you should get a female therapist so you don't develop feelings... In my experience they seem to struggle relating to men but I am sure there are some awesome ones too if you take the time to look for one. 

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17 minutes ago, lonelyforeigner said:

Perhaps you should get a female therapist so you don't develop feelings... In my experience they seem to struggle relating to men but I am sure there are some awesome ones too if you take the time to look for one. 

I’ve been far more inhibited and careful about what I say around female mental health professionals than male ones. Maybe one day, though, far in the future. I think I’m too burnt out on therapy just from the feelings I have developed for the ones I have now to go back for a long time. I don’t know how to avoid blurring the lines in my head between a professional and someone who takes a genuine interest in you. I haven’t had any friendships in my adult life so I think it’s hard for me to tell the difference. 

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53 minutes ago, lonelyforeigner said:

You and me both. I seem to have an uncanny talent for inviting narcissists into my life, sometimes I wonder if it's my weakness that they are attracted to or if it's just me falling for their initial charm. It always ends the same, a one sided-friendships that leaves me scared when I realize that they don't give a damn about me. 

Maybe it was a different world when they started diagnosing mental health disorders.  It was considered a personality disorder to be a narcissist.  That's not the case anymore.  In this world the good caring person is the person that seems out of place.  The world at this point is like living in the jungle where most people seem to be predators that rip you apart.  If someone comes into my life they want something from me and I have to quickly figure out what it is before it's too late and before they hurt me.  That is life now!  I hate it!

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19 minutes ago, sober4life said:

Maybe it was a different world when they started diagnosing mental health disorders.  It was considered a personality disorder to be a narcissist.  That's not the case anymore.  In this world the good caring person is the person that seems out of place.  The world at this point is like living in the jungle where most people seem to be predators that rip you apart.  If someone comes into my life they want something from me and I have to quickly figure out what it is before it's too late and before they hurt me.  That is life now!  I hate it!

True my friend 

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I can't remember a time where I felt worse than I do now.  I'm just so disgusted with life.  I hate it so much!  I don't know what to do anymore.  I don't want to be here a bit anymore.  It's been a lifetime of people abusing me and getting away with it.  That's all it's been since the first day I woke up in this stupid world!

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Anxiety. Stuck in this pointless existence. My life is wasting away, for the reason that I haven't a clue who I am or what i want. "Knock knock. No one there". Nothing within me.

I am tired of people and there stupidity. People aren't stupid per se, it's that they CHOOSE stupidity and more to the point choose to stay stupid.

I am stupid. If i weren't, I'd have a life.

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I got a response from my email to my dad, (not seen him in over 20 years) yeah he doesn't want to see me, he worded it so it seemed it was my fault. Reasons being

Apparently I waited too long for him to be involved in my life and He made an attempt years ago but was rebuffed (I was ****ing 12 years old) over 20 years ago

Feel more angry than anything right now. I had thought I could forge a relationship there, guess not 

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15 hours ago, Ratvan said:

I got a response from my email to my dad, (not seen him in over 20 years) yeah he doesn't want to see me, he worded it so it seemed it was my fault.

If you hear only one voice say it, I'll tell you emphatically it was NOT your fault.  He obviously still has issues.  But this is not on you.  You took a courageous step and were rebuffed.  I don't deny this is hurtful. 

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All life is really good for is giving me new reasons each day to scream cuss words or throw things across the room.  I'll never know what will make me angry but something will and not knowing is all part of the "game".  Look left so I can punch you in the right side of the face has been my whole life.

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