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Therapist judging me?


Nightjar

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Hi guys and gals.

Just wanted to vent a bit about my therapist. 

I've been working with her since the summer and I've thought the world of her, even secretly hoping we could be friends because we seemed to have so much in common.

It felt like a friendship more than anything.

Anyway, I've gradually let down my guard and been more and more myself when I've had a session and to be honest the more I've done this the more I've felt a bit of judgement creeping in. Just little looks and smirks going on that tell me she finds aspects of my life amusing when for me they're not funny, they are my reality.

Being me and being brought up by a narcissist, I doubt my own perception of things and I ask myself if I'm being paranoid.

Even though I'm actually a really sensitive person who easily picks up on the undercurrents in a situation I really question my own judgement. 

Whenever I've ignored my uneasy feelings I've ended up being hurt so I'm trying to listen and swallow the truth that this person I have thought the world of actually thinks I'm a bit of a joke.

I'm so sick of the people of this world, especially when people I really think I can trust can sit in judgement and take my money for good measure! I just want to be accepted for who I am and not be pressured to change. Is that too much to ask? 

Another thing she has been doing is asking me every week, have I exercised? It began to feel like she was nagging and I was made to feel inadequate by her questioning if I hadn't. 

I also didn't really want any of her advice. It's actually taught me that giving advice which is not requested is a pretty shitty thing to do. It feels like an order.

Does anyone here have any input or similar experiences? 

 

Edited by jeremiah
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Hi Jeremiah. I regret I don't have similar experiences to share. My last therapist wore a well-practiced stare although it always distracted me when she glanced at the clock or looked away at all. I'm always looking people in the face so I notice those. 

5 hours ago, jeremiah said:

Just little looks and smirks going on that tell me she finds aspects of my life amusing

Your reading of her expression may be completely correct but as you're soliciting opinions, I'd like to offer another possibility.

Times when I've stopped tallkng to ask/challenge someone what the heck they made that face for, nearly all of them replied "oh you made me think of something about myself, my past, this thing I read, etc. In nearly all the cases, their expression was triggered from rememberance and recall that had nothing to do with me. I believe self-reflection is an automatic thought response of humans and most of us cannot control facial expressions that betray our thoughts and feelings. 

Speaking for myself, I always think it's all about me! You should be thinking about me not your... whatever!

So, it's ok to stop and ask. Yes, It's kinda uncomfortable to do it but it's a momentary discomfort versus a much longer period of questioning, right?

6 hours ago, jeremiah said:

It began to feel like she was nagging and I was made to feel inadequate by her questioning if I hadn't

It's ok to ask her to stop doing that. She may have perfectly legitimate reasons for asking. Perhaps it demonstrates caring but if it's making you feel judged she needs to know it. 

Therapist, doctors - I imagine they must have a much higher standard of self-care than I do but it's so not true. I have friends in those professions and they aren't amazing examples of health. 

I guess if you like working with her enough, it's ok to ask her to change some behaviors. You'll keep in mind, I'm sure, that your therapist isn't meant to be your friend although in both cases the relationship is intimate. I hope it works out. 

 

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Well its good you feel comfortable with her, but shes not there to be your friend exactly, shes trying to figure out how to help you with your problems. As you open up more, which is good,... that's when shes going to start prying the lid off of the vault where your problems reside. Thats not comfortable.

Not sure where the not wanting her advice comes from, thats kind of the point of therapy...and exercise is good for the mind, and makes you feel better, so thats where that is coming from.

And finally, therapy is partially the therapist giving you a kick in the pants to get doing things that will be beneficial in the end. Tough love if you will. Some of us become comfortable in the ditch, and need someone to prod us up and out of there.

Having said all of this, some therapists are not a good match, and sometines you need to find another.

However, theyre not there just to be a shoulder to cry on, its like taking a class on how to deal with yourself. It can be hard work, and it isn't always fun.

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Thanks guys, some really valid points made there. 

I really struggled at the last session. I added up the looks and the smirks and equalled that she thinks I'm an idiot, mainly to do with not working. My ex used to berate me a lot for that and I think it may have affected me quite deeply.

Yes, I guess therapy like all relationships is hard. I've had some awful experiences with people and I have reached a point where I'm not willing to be a doormat anymore. It's hard to find the middle road between doormat and argumentative!

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1 hour ago, jeremiah said:

Thanks guys, some really valid points made there. 

I really struggled at the last session. I added up the looks and the smirks and equalled that she thinks I'm an idiot, mainly to do with not working. My ex used to berate me a lot for that and I think it may have affected me quite deeply.

Yes, I guess therapy like all relationships is hard. I've had some awful experiences with people and I have reached a point where I'm not willing to be a doormat anymore. It's hard to find the middle road between doormat and argumentative!

You are so right friend enough is enough

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