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starbucksjunkee

Hypersensitivity and blow ups: How to prevent them, Any ideas?

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Hi guys,

I wanted to quit this forum but right now this is all I have.  One of my insurances stopped covering therapy and the other insurance has few therapists to offer.  As far as I know, none of the therapists are available.  I am going to keep bugging them until I can find someone I can walk to that will take me that doesn't have shoddy ratings.  I do have a therapist I have seen for $75/ a session but I don't see her again until the 28th.  I see her every two weeks.  I have tried everything DBT worksheets, Journaling, adult coloring, prayer, Mindfulness, and Restorative Yoga.  Restorative Yoga is a big help and I know sleep is key to remaining stable.  I do restorative three times a week and I recommend it to anyone with mental health issues except psychosis.  I haven't been psychotic since last year...hope to never have it again...But I was wondering if anyone has any other suggestions?  I was doing so well for about six months but today I blew up at my mother.  I screamed at her because I am so frustrated about everything.  My birthday is in a couple weeks and I'm going 38.  I feel like a loser and I haven't made the impact I wanted to make on the world when I was idealistic and in school.  I will probably never work again and I want to finish my book but I can't find someone to edit it that I can trust except my mom but I don't want her to do it because I feel like it would be hard on her to have to relive it all.  I took my college experience and fictionalized it a little bit.  Right now what I'm feeling is almost seems like an extreme form of PMS.  I am hypomanic and anxious and I don't want it to escalate.  She was telling me that I can't do xyz on my birthday because my brother won't be available.  She doesn't know that for sure and neither do I and it's important to me that I'm with my family.  She wanted to take a cake to church and I said no.  I don't want everyone to know it's my birthday until I stand up for a blessing.  Last weekend I had too much fun at an event and got 6 hours, last night I was angry at my mom and my life and depressed about my first Birthday without Jubee (My dog, put her to sleep in May of this year).  I have tried to be strong in her honor but some days I just feel like I'm at the end of my rope and I even consider suicide but I don't plan.  I just consider it because I am so tired of being different and not being able to contribute.  I volunteer with these kids with special needs and I love it but I have to be healthy to be with them.  I think one of them has psychological issues but I don't know that for sure.  I think I'll come out of it...last time I was out of it I got better right away but that's because it was only two things but now I've got a gazillion in my head.  I'm going to take my extra meds tonight but it's against my doctor's orders.  That was happened last night.  I was freaking out and it was too late to get someone's advice.  I only have one extra pill left and mom thinks if I take it tonight and sleep I won't need it again but I feel guilty and I'm afraid to confront my doctor.  So again I feel like a little kid and my parents have to come to my rescue.  I wanted to call crisis line but I can't do that unless she's asleep because she doesn't understand how much it helps me.  And when mom's asleep, that is usually when my meds start to kick in.  I have to call them before the meds or I can't sleep afterwards...sometimes.  I am sorry to go on and on I'm just really a mess right now.  Any suggestions would be appreciated.

God Bless You,

Starbucks Junkee

 

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Hi Starbucks Junkee! Sorry that you are having such a hard time right now. Maybe your anger is a cover up for fear. It might help to see a psychiatrist who many insurances now treat as a doctors co -pay instead of a specialist. A good one will take time to talk things over with you and they understand the brain well and how it works with medications. Glad you stayed around. You matter to us here.

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Thank you for sharing your concerns with us. I’m truly sorry that you are dealing with such difficult situation. These forums are great for sharing burdens, and venting.  Even in the darkest moments in our lives there’s always hope. Have you thought to reconsider your doctor’s prescription orders? It might be best to follow his orders than to hurting yourself. If you need to talk with someone I’ll leave you this Hotline #s: 1-800-SUICIDE or 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).  Have you thought about forgiving your mother? Forgiveness means that you let the problem go. Forgiveness is the first step of healing and change. It will restore your peace and joy. I hope this helps. Sending you hugs. I will keep you in my prayers, my friend -keep us posted, OK?   

 

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