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20YearsandCounting

How Do You Feel Right Now #9

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12 minutes ago, babyxgothxx said:

Happy New Year everyone! Hope you all have the best year ever and accomplish your goals ❤️ 

My goals are simple this year just learn how to live the best life I can and accept

what I can not do and to appreciate what I still can do.

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One day I will be able to sit down with my children and tell them the long journey it took me to get myself well and to be able to bring them into this world.  They will know with the story how much they meant to me and how much I love them.  My goals this year are to get the life I want and also to make sure the people that abused me don't hurt anyone else.  I don't need justice for me.  I need to make sure the people are protected from the monsters and I will make sure of that!

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I’m feeling great!! Had an incredible New Years at a concert in NYC- one of the best times I’ve had. The band was amazing. Now we’re driving back home. Right now I feel good heading into this new year. There’s much to be positive about, if you look for it. Everything comes down to perspective and perception. 

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I need to do major clean up of myself. Remove old things that I don’t use anymore of does no good for me. That could even mean people. Such connections have badly affected my well being and doesnt make myself better.

Find something new and see as a new perspective. Connect to new ppl.

I feel I rely too much of the gaming and should relly less of it as an avenue to socialize.

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1 hour ago, RiverLight said:

I’m feeling great!! Had an incredible New Years at a concert in NYC- one of the best times I’ve had. The band was amazing. Now we’re driving back home. Right now I feel good heading into this new year. There’s much to be positive about, if you look for it. Everything comes down to perspective and perception. 

I have full confidence in you.  I can't wait to see how your life goes this year.  Your story is very inspirational.  I think this is our year where we show the world what we're made of and we get everything we want in life. 

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1 minute ago, sober4life said:

I have full confidence in you.  I can't wait to see how your life goes this year.  Your story is very inspirational.  I think this is our year where we show the world what we're made of and we get everything we want in life. 

Thanks Sober!! 😊 yes that’s a great attitude! The best is yet to come, as my best friend always says!!! 

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43 minutes ago, Stand_alone said:

I need to do major clean up of myself. Remove old things that I don’t use anymore of does no good for me. That could even mean people. Such connections have badly affected my well being and doesnt make myself better.

Find something new and see as a new perspective. Connect to new ppl.

I feel I rely too much of the gaming and should relly less of it as an avenue to socialize.

I understand what you are saying and I think I will try to get out and meet more people

myself and possibly build a good social net worth system to have something to fall back

on when things are not going so well for me.

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Relaxed.  I don't celebrate New Year's per se.  Like Thanksgiving and Christmas, it's become a day to be without stress.

I know I have tasks, some stressful b/c they're related to Mom's care, through mid-month but they feel manageable at this point since very few involve her directly.  It will be a relief turning over her 24/7 care to someone else on Friday.

More challenging but more rewarding will be what comes after that.  I'll be able to finally concentrate on my own sh#t most of the time.  I'll have an outpatient procedure in February that may be somewhat painful, but it's overdue.  In the larger sense, I'll be able to address my own nagging health concerns in other areas - even dental and vision - that were interrupted with Mom's decline.

I'll also be able to address more tangible issues such as reducing MY household clutter and updating MY OWN legals.

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I think, think, and I say; "Why should I bother living?, What's the worth" then I feel bad. If all of my hopes and desires will disappear one day with you people, it makes no sense if I feel bad. It is so painful to live in the consciousness of all this.

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My real life has a very cold alone dead feeling to it these days.  I guess I've always said I'm a loner but I've never been completely alone like this.  It has a very awful feeling to it.  I wouldn't call it alone though it's somehow less than alone when the people that are left in my life I don't trust at all.  What a life.

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Posted (edited)
4 hours ago, MarkintheDark said:

I'll also be able to address more tangible issues such as reducing MY household clutter and updating MY OWN legals.

I hear you...I have been dragging my feet on getting my legal s.hit together, i.e., will, living will, DPOA, etc. I am determined to get it done soon

"New year's" doesn't mean diddly to me either...why is it even a holiday, outside of the obvious commercial exploitation? It's completely arbitrary, and meaningless, IMO. Thanksgiving and Christmas I can at least understand, even if I don't participate in them anymore.

"New year's day" is a completely arbitrary and pointless pseudo-holiday, the way I see it.

 

Edited by LonelyHiker

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Im pissed off and fed up of my life, it sucks in almost everyway possible, not only that but Its like im stuck in quick sand I have tried so hard to improve my living circumstances but fail everytime way more than any one else I know I have to be the biggest failure in the world. some people fail because they don't even try, but I fail because I **** up everything I do no matter how hard I try to get better at things I screw them up. No matter how much advice I follow or things I try my life just contentiously gets worse never better, im 28 now I dread thinking about how much worse it will get in the future. It seems like I have no future to look forward to just misery. 

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6 hours ago, scienceguy said:

Im pissed off and fed up of my life, it sucks in almost everyway possible, not only that but Its like im stuck in quick sand I have tried so hard to improve my living circumstances but fail everytime way more than any one else I know I have to be the biggest failure in the world. some people fail because they don't even try, but I fail because I **** up everything I do no matter how hard I try to get better at things I screw them up. No matter how much advice I follow or things I try my life just contentiously gets worse never better, im 28 now I dread thinking about how much worse it will get in the future. It seems like I have no future to look forward to just misery. 

So sorry you feel this way too, SG.

I am 50 + years old and now it seems my health is going down the drain too. 

I have sucked at life and failing is what I do. Too bad one can't be paid for that. I'd be a millionaire by now. 

Sometimes you read about listening to your inner voice or what the hell they call it, everything about me is shouting:" Why are you still alive?"

Why indeed. There is no point, no reason to life, misery or dissatisfaction.  

I realised a long time ago I don't really even want anything. I am already dead within. Now it would seem my body is finally catching up. About time too. 

I should have died a long time ago. My existence is pointless and a colossal waste.

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Didn't sleep well.  So, I got up early and tackled my Mom Task for the day that I'd been dreading...in short, dual faxes to a pair of doctors who can't get their sh#t together enough to consult on her scripts, some of which have run out.  I won't say I read 'em the riot act, but my annoyance was clear about their disregard for her health.  Of course I didn't phrase it that way...and my fax is the first one their offices will see this morning.

Quite frankly, given my self-imposed limitations to keep myself from becoming overwhelmed, that was all that I MUST DO today.  Oh, there are plenty of other things on the list.  This week, unfortunately, most involve Mom's stuff.  But none need to be done immediately...or even this week, tbh.

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