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20YearsandCounting

How Do You Feel Right Now #9

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Right now calmer than I was earlier.  I got pretty angry for silly reasons 2 times today and it did not help.  At least I got my workout done, did some cleaning, watched a few videos and played a few games.  Then off to a job that I cannot quit. 

One of the games got some of my fighting fix out of the way.  But there is so much I have to control.  I am glad my foot feels a little better.  I am really tired of being hurt.  I am tired of feeling like I am insane. 

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2 hours ago, JD4010 said:

Oh gosh! I didn't see this message until now. How are you doing at this point?

I sure hope your outlook has improved! Please check back in with us.

Bit better... I spoke with my therapist and my dad which always helps. Hopefully I will be able to accept whatever will happen the next weeks.

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My vacation is sitting in the dark watching old DVDs I haven't watched in years.  I can't afford to have the tv turned back on or to have the lights turned on and I don't have any gas in the car to go anywhere.  Life is good.🤢

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On 12/23/2018 at 10:34 AM, APFSDS said:

A bit scared. I'm at the psych hospital. Fearing I got diabetes, hopefully all that is just the meds side effects not actual diabetes

Hope things get better for you soon buddy.

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13 hours ago, sober4life said:

Nothing interests me either.  I don't have a drive for anything anymore.  Every single thing I have to force myself to do it.  I would say I hate it all but I don't care enough to hate it.

It is the same for me, although I do hate it. I don't care enough to actually be able to do something about it, but I do hate it. "Every single thing I have to force myself to do it." <-- this is me too: even "enjoyable" things must be forced.

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My problem is there are no enjoyable things anymore.  I used to enjoy life I guess but one day that was all turned off like a light.  It's not just depression.  It's 40 years of this and I'm sick of everything.  It's that simple.  By now I've done everything I've wanted to do in this world and for the most part I'm sick of it all.  As a child we love lots of things.  By my age we either don't enjoy any of it anymore or we can't do the things we love because of health issues.  Life is the process of giving us everything we will ever have and slowly taking it all away.  By the time we die in the end we don't really care.

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17 minutes ago, Tilted said:

It is the same for me, although I do hate it. I don't care enough to actually be able to do something about it, but I do hate it. "Every single thing I have to force myself to do it." <-- this is me too: even "enjoyable" things must be forced.

I do understand what everyone is saying.  It is so difficult to try to find the same kind

of pleasure and happiness that the rest of the world take for granted.

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Sorry my last post was too dark.  Believe it or not I feel pretty good today.  I'm actually very hopeful today.  I'm beginning to feel much better with this rest.  The hardest thing on earth for me to do is rest but I'm forcing myself to do it.

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15 minutes ago, sober4life said:

Sorry my last post was too dark.  Believe it or not I feel pretty good today.  I'm actually very hopeful today.  I'm beginning to feel much better with this rest.  The hardest thing on earth for me to do is rest but I'm forcing myself to do it.

I'm glad that you are beginning to feel better my friend

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14 hours ago, drowningsakura said:

Bit better... I spoke with my therapist and my dad which always helps. Hopefully I will be able to accept whatever will happen the next weeks.

Great! Happy you are a bit better.

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14 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

I'm hanging out with my old buddy anhedonia. I think misanthropy may be stopping by a little later as well. Helluva party.

I hear you my friend don't forget to apply the brakes it things begin to get out of hands  :cheesy:

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8 minutes ago, Floor2017 said:

I hear you my friend don't forget to apply the brakes it things begin to get out of hands  :cheesy:

No worries. We will all be sitting around in the dark, hoping against hope that we don't have to go out and deal with people.

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47 minutes ago, iWantRope said:

I've corrected it for you. No need to thank me

Yes it is accurate.  I just worry at times my tell it exactly like it is attitude might bring people too far down.  In the end I care about the people here way more than I will ever care about myself.

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48 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

I'm hanging out with my old buddy anhedonia. I think misanthropy may be stopping by a little later as well. Helluva party.

Yeah life could be worse.  At least there isn't any people here at the house to drive me nuts.  This vacation is a blessing not a curse.

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On 12/25/2018 at 9:23 PM, hocico said:

aw yay I got a hug back 😄 I love hugs.. today I have had a few so I am going to store some for a less hugtastic future day 😊

Awh :hugs:yeah I wasn't really feeling the christmas spirit much until today.. just spending time with a friend this morning and laughing at her silly elf outfit, getting some unexpected christmas cards 🙂 having a nice family time opening presents and having free time to relax tonight and watch a boxed set of Oscar Wilde plays I got yesterday added up to make a real great christmas 😄

I am a 🦁 after all so I thrive when I have people around me to entertain 😊 but I need recharge time as well.. 

Glad to hear you have had a great christmas day as well ☺️ what Christmassy things did you get upto today? 🙂

 

Wow, I'm not the only one here that loves hugs! Hugs are awesome and it's best to store them for days you need them most lol :hugs: 

Awwww it seems like you had a lovely Christmas! That's wonderful to know ❤️ It's best to chill with a friend on these special days 😄  It's so nice that you had unexpected Christmas cards and Oscar Wilde's plays are amazing! Having time to chill and relax is the best 🙂 

Wait you're a Leo too? That's so cool! I relate to you a lot about having people around to entertain but needing time off to recharge as well haha 😄 

I didn't really do much (I'm a boring person) but I had a really good day, chilling! I had Christmas cards from family and had some amazing food! ❤️ 

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3 hours ago, sober4life said:

My problem is there are no enjoyable things anymore.  I used to enjoy life I guess but one day that was all turned off like a light.  It's not just depression.  It's 40 years of this and I'm sick of everything.  It's that simple.  By now I've done everything I've wanted to do in this world and for the most part I'm sick of it all.  As a child we love lots of things.

Same 😞 I wish I was a child again just so I could enjoy the simple things in life. It seems like childhood really is the best time of your life :console: 

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4 minutes ago, babyxgothxx said:

Same 😞 I wish I was a child again just so I could enjoy the simple things in life. It seems like childhood really is the best time of your life :console: 

Well, believe it or not my life right now is way better than anything my childhood life resembles.   I was so terrified of people and I was so antisocial that I wouldn’t say anything to anyone.  At least now I can at least talk to people and try to say something encouraging to others instead of running from from a conversation and not knowing how to communicate with people.

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11 minutes ago, Floor2017 said:

Well, believe it or not my life right now is way better than anything my childhood life resembles.   I was so terrified of people and I was so antisocial that I wouldn’t say anything to anyone.  At least now I can at least talk to people and try to say something encouraging to others instead of running from from a conversation and not knowing how to communicate with people.

So sorry to hear about your childhood 😞 So happy to hear that you are doing better now 🙂 Wish I was like you! I was never good at talking to people, childhood or now.

My life seemed better as a child in general... Less depression, more curiosity, less fear, more fun....  Life seemed more safe then 😞 

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1 hour ago, babyxgothxx said:

So sorry to hear about your childhood 😞 So happy to hear that you are doing better now 🙂 Wish I was like you! I was never good at talking to people, childhood or now.

My life seemed better as a child in general... Less depression, more curiosity, less fear, more fun....  Life seemed more safe then 😞 

I do understand my friend. Something happen to me probably when I was about twenty four years old

a transformation took place in my spirit or heart and I became a more sociable person.  However, I

do have my moments

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