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How Do You Feel Right Now #9


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5 hours ago, ladysmurf said:

MISERABLE!

Days go by, and nothing changes. I feel useless and wish this nightmare would end. I never had a lot of friends due to my illness but the very few I had even the last one recently told me he and his wife are expecting twins. I admit I was happy for him and his wife, but I was also a bit jealous that my life stinks. This illness has not allowed me to live or do anything. For people like myself who can't get a break, or any type of relief from anything that the medical world has suggested/offered, you lose hope and you don't want to go on.

I feel your pain my friend but people like us must continue on so that others that follow

us know that we were here and we fought a good fight and they to can win

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My week off work is coming to a close, sadly. Thankfully next week is short. 

Otherwise, frustrations abound with my boyfriend's ex-wife and with cash flow.

At least my time off was relatively peaceful. Even got our first blanket of snow (and ice, but that's a whole other matter 😕). 

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5 hours ago, JD4010 said:

Well, good...happy she can still speak for herself.

It is such a rough time when a parent is ailing. Mine are gone but it was stressful while they were approaching the end. I didn't visit them nearly enough. Of course, my ex hated them so that added another layer of complexity.

I know she has to make her own decision.  I'm so hard on myself over all of this because I'm supposed to save her and protect her.  I love her more than I'm able to say with words.  It's the hardest thing I have ever had to say there is nothing more I can do.  She's too sick for me to save her anymore.  It's devastating to me.  She is my life force.  She's the reason I go on every day.  I have to find a way to go on without her.

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8 hours ago, sober4life said:

I know it's not true.  I'm just hurting very badly right now.  I have a self destructive brain that seems to want to make sure I hurt as much as possible.  Mom is at peace for the first time in 9 months.  She's very calm and happy.  Her family is amazing right now.  This is the hardest time of my life.  I will find my way through this somehow.  I always do.  I have to live the rest of my life in a way that would make mom proud.  It's the only I can survive this.  If there is a heaven when I die I want to deserve to be in her amazing presence.

That response is the real you, Sober.  The real truth.  And I know this, what you are going through is so hard - beyond words hard!!!! 

But what you wrote, here, is reality.  Please try to remember that.

What an amazing daughter you have been for your mom!!!!

 

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I'm physically sick all the time.  I can't eat or sleep or focus.  I feel like I'm in a dream state most of the time.  It's a nightmare.  I have family staying with me helping me stay sane through everything.  If they weren't here I might not be here.  I was going to very dark places and I was getting to the point where I was scared and needed someone to stay with me.

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45 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I'm physically sick all the time.  I can't eat or sleep or focus.  I feel like I'm in a dream state most of the time.  It's a nightmare.  I have family staying with me helping me stay sane through everything.  If they weren't here I might not be here.  I was going to very dark places and I was getting to the point where I was scared and needed someone to stay with me.

At some point in our lives we all need somebody to help watch after us.    :hugs:

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I've been researching Buddhism lately, and reincarnation has become a subject of my interest.

As far as I can see, we don't have to be a human in our next life according to buddhism.

Buddhism is very close to me. The fact that when there is doubt and refuses a word, there is no situation like losing religion. People's connection of all existence with each other, good and bad behavior under the name of karma directly without a direct influence in the future of life without a god and the lives of people, in this religion the closest thing to a Buddha that has the closest thing to me is a few features.

But the fact that everyone who has come up to it in bad terms has caused this to happen, as a result of the previous quarters, has created the impression that I was able to justify the injustices of a part of the standard in the world.

However, reincarnation, obvious Buddhism is something that will prove to be true or wrong. If you have a chance to remember many people's previous lives, if I have the opportunity to remember an old life, I would like to say that I would like to do this in human beings, animals, ghosts, heaven, semi-heaven or hell, clear.

I'm clearly writing, the possibility of reincarnation is more attractive to me than to live with the Houries in heaven.

Edited by desperateloser
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1 hour ago, sober4life said:

I'm physically sick all the time.  I can't eat or sleep or focus.  I feel like I'm in a dream state most of the time.  It's a nightmare.  I have family staying with me helping me stay sane through everything.  If they weren't here I might not be here.  I was going to very dark places and I was getting to the point where I was scared and needed someone to stay with me.

Ah, that's good. I'm glad you have someone there with you sober. Let them take care of you and put your feet up! 

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WOW. I am thrilled!!!! I got my client to rank #1 on Google for their primary search term!!! I am SO happy. I have a LOT of doubts about my abilities at work, and then I succeed at something, and I realize that I actually know what I am doing. SO, hoooorayyyy!!!!! I am giving myself a pat on the back, which I never do, or not enough. 

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18 minutes ago, ladysmurf said:

Go on for what?

We have purpose in this life even though it might cause us some discomfort

we matter.to the people around us.  I have affected hundreds or perhaps

thousands of people in my life time.  Even though I have problems of my

own my life matters to so many people.  For example on my job people

don't want me to take days off from work because I bring a pleasant

spirit and a caring compassionate spirit into a place where people are so

worried of their love ones not making it out of critical care.  So, yes you

matters and your life is affecting someone even though you do not know it.

Even on this forum we look forward to hearing from you because it lets all

of us know that you are still fighting with each of us as we try to get through

this day so that we might be able to face another one tomorrow. 

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