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20YearsandCounting

How Do You Feel Right Now #9

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29 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I feel like I wear a constant hornet's nest hat or a storm follows me everywhere and only rains on me.  I hate life more than ever!

You know rain symbolizes life and nothing can live without it.  So maybe the troubles that come your way was meant to help you to grow stronger in every area of your life 

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1 minute ago, Floor2017 said:

You know rain symbolizes life and nothing can live without it.  So maybe the troubles that come your way was meant to help you to grow stronger in every area of your life 

Maybe all I know is nothing will stop me from getting stronger.  Shoot me, run me down with a bus, blow me up.  No matter what is sent my way I will continue with all of my strength.  Nothing will stop me no matter what!

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I was extremely angry, far more than I think I should have been getting ready for and on my way to work.  I had something to eat and that made me feel a bit better.  I am really tired of these nearly daily extreme episodes of anger.  Something happens and all of my frustrations old and new boil over. 

It is not healthy.  Then again I needed to keep it in check for so long.

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28 minutes ago, Rattler6 said:

I was extremely angry, far more than I think I should have been getting ready for and on my way to work.  I had something to eat and that made me feel a bit better.  I am really tired of these nearly daily extreme episodes of anger.  Something happens and all of my frustrations old and new boil over. 

It is not healthy.  Then again I needed to keep it in check for so long.

If you are on medicine you might have to have it changed and if you are not on any you might want to go see a doctor to help you to overcome your depression and frustrations 

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6 hours ago, JD4010 said:

Oh damn. I'm sorry, my friend. You are definitely getting the whammy. It really isn't fair at all.

I think I grieve more when my beloved pets go on than I do with humans.

I'm an unapologetic atheist and don't believe in heaven or hell (or Valhalla, Gehenna, purgatory, etc, etc), but this quote about dogs vs. humans made me smile:

  • “You think dogs will not be in heaven? I tell you, they will be there long before any of us.” – Robert Louis Stevenson
Edited by LonelyHiker

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25 minutes ago, LonelyHiker said:

I'm an unapologetic atheist and don't believe in heaven or hell (or Valhalla, Gehenna, purgatory, etc, etc), but this quote about dogs vs. humans made me smile:

  • “You think dogs will not be in heaven? I tell you, they will be there long before any of us.” – Robert Louis Stevenson

Yes I agree.  My dog was tons better than I ever was.  He was another angel like mom.  If there is a heaven they are both there together.  I don't believe in heaven either but I want it to be real for them. 

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1 hour ago, sober4life said:

Maybe all I know is nothing will stop me from getting stronger.  Shoot me, run me down with a bus, blow me up.  No matter what is sent my way I will continue with all of my strength.  Nothing will stop me no matter what!

How I wish I can see Chernobyl-class disasters the way you're able to

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53 minutes ago, Floor2017 said:

If you are on medicine you might have to have it changed and if you are not on any you might want to go see a doctor to help you to overcome your depression and frustrations 

I am not on any medications.  An old injury is flaring up and it is not helping my mood. 

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On ‎12‎/‎10‎/‎2018 at 2:28 AM, womanofthelight said:

I cannot transcend this grief.  Every wave is heavier than the last . . .

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh . . . I don't think I can live any more . . . it's too . . . painful

I have no hope

no hope

no hope

no hope

 

You can. 

And you will.  

I know it.

I know it.

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12 minutes ago, salparadise6132 said:

You can. 

And you will.  

I know it.

I know it.

There is nothing we cannot overcome if we believe in the Great I Am and there is where all of our power and strength come from to over come the world 

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I’m pursuing a better job yet not ideal. I am in the pre-hiring phase and did my drug test. In the back of my mind I ask myself, Is this what I can best do for the rest of my life? Answering that mentally, I can’t smile.  I’ve been thinking what to say to the Therapist this weekend.

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On 12/9/2018 at 10:58 PM, iWantRope said:

Doubt you'll be able to help, as a fellow sufferer on DF

This is not a support forum with experts on various subject matters. It's the troubles we encounter that causes us to be sad/painful, but how many fellow DFers can help us by offering solutions?

I am so sorry that you feel this way, @iWantRope

This IS a Support Forum.  We are peer to peer and we support one another.  There is no need for experts here.  Depression Forums is more for members to use as a kind of "stepping stone" before going in "real time". to your "expert". To talk to their peers about medications, side effects, what's new?, therapy, different topics, like you are right now.  

It’s important for people living with mental health conditions to know that they are not alone. Sharing a story about your personal experiences with mental health to one another and their challenges can help in your own recovery as well as provide encouragement and support to others with similar experiences. 

I wish you well-

~Lindsay

 

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2 hours ago, Lindsay said:

I am so sorry that you feel this way, @iWantRope

This IS a Support Forum.  We are peer to peer and we support one another.  There is no need for experts here.  Depression Forums is more for members to use as a kind of "stepping stone" before going in "real time". to your "expert". To talk to their peers about medications, side effects, what's new?, therapy, different topics, like you are right now.  

It’s important for people living with mental health conditions to know that they are not alone. Sharing a story about your personal experiences with mental health to one another and their challenges can help in your own recovery as well as provide encouragement and support to others with similar experiences. 

I wish you well-

~Lindsay

 

I joined df nearly three years ago. Online peer support was the one thing I hadn't tried. Soon enough I realised it wasn't working for me at all. So I gave it time.

After nearly three years I still don't understand how that works. Everytime I write about how I feel, I just feel  worse. Knowing there are others feeling the same way depresses me more than anything. I can't help but feel that so many of us a screwed whatever we do or say. Then again, I am not a people person and being around people drains me most of the time. The only reason I am still whining on df is because I have nothing else. I hate myself for that. The more I express myself, the closer I get to ending my life.

Some of us have been through meds, therapy etc. for years without getting any better. I see none of that changing any time soon. I'm sorry I am being so negative, but I am talking from experience and this is just my point of view. Some of us need something else completely. As to what that "something else" is, I haven't a clue.

 

Edited by samadhiSheol

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10 hours ago, iWantRope said:

How I wish I can see Chernobyl-class disasters the way you're able to

I used to have much more hope.  Now I have none really.  Now is about pride and being stubborn.  I am fighting in a war I'm sure I'm going to lose but still fight anyway.

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5 hours ago, samadhiSheol said:

I joined df nearly three years ago. Online peer support was the one thing I hadn't tried. Soon enough I realised it wasn't working for me at all. So I gave it time.

After nearly three years I still don't understand how that works. Everytime I write about how I feel, I just feel  worse. Knowing there are others feeling the same way depresses me more than anything. I can't help but feel that so many of us a screwed whatever we do or say. Then again, I am not a people person and being around people drains me most of the time. The only reason I am still whining on df is because I have nothing else. I hate myself for that. The more I express myself, the closer I get to ending my life.

Some of us have been through meds, therapy etc. for years without getting any better. I see none of that changing any time soon. I'm sorry I am being so negative, but I am talking from experience and this is just my point of view. Some of us need something else completely. As to what that "something else" is, I haven't a clue.

 

I feel the same way you do for the most part.  I hate that others feel like I do.  I wouldn't wish being like me on anyone.  I feel like we are all fighting a losing battle.  It's like we're all on the titanic about to go down into the ocean and there is nothing we can do to stop it.  Of course I'm not happy others are on the ship with me.  Jump ship run for your lives get as far away from me as you can.  I can't scream it loud enough!

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I'm feeling very run down but my mind won't allow me to have one second of rest or peace.  My mind is determined to push me toward a nervous breakdown or a relapse.  That's how a self destructive mind like mine works.  During awful times it thinks yes I have you right where I want you at the breaking point.  Surely something addictive is right around the corner!

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7 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I'm feeling very run down but my mind won't allow me to have one second of rest or peace.  My mind is determined to push me toward a nervous breakdown or a relapse.  That's how a self destructive mind like mine works.  During awful times it thinks yes I have you right where I want you at the breaking point.  Surely something addictive is right around the corner!

My friend, I do understand because sometimes I have to fight my mind and tell it you are a liar 

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I am forever damned to walk the line of two worlds. One of lustrous luminous aspirations, and the other of disheartening obscurity.

A spawn trapped in the fabrics of reality. Reaching for a world without sight. Screaming without a voice upon deaf ears.

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11 hours ago, Lindsay said:

Depression Forums is more for members to use as a kind of "stepping stone" before going in "real time". to your "expert". To talk to their peers about medications, side effects, what's new?, therapy, different topics, like you are right now.  

It’s important for people living with mental health conditions to know that they are not alone. Sharing a story about your personal experiences with mental health to one another and their challenges can help in your own recovery as well as provide encouragement and support to others with similar experiences.

 

Wow got a reply from Mdm Boss Lady

But sharing our stories is the limit we can do on the forum; unless there are DF members (like those with the 'Community Assistant' tag) that are trusted to recommend applicable advise? Otherwise I don't understand how sharing our stories can actually lead to real recovery..

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2 hours ago, iWantRope said:

Wow got a reply from Mdm Boss Lady

But sharing our stories is the limit we can do on the forum; unless there are DF members (like those with the 'Community Assistant' tag) that are trusted to recommend applicable advise? Otherwise I don't understand how sharing our stories can actually lead to real recovery..

I don't think it is to lead us to real recovery but to help us hang on. Even through my hard journey, I have some tools to share, some wisdom, a little hope. Some days I don't have much of anything so I need a place to vent that understands. If I was the only one struggling so, my life would have been gone a long time ago or I would be in an institution. What a wasted life that would be. Sometime those things are still tempting yet when I hear other here hanging on, it helps me to do the same. Also there is proof in the 12-step programs. They are all about sharing your story and encouraging each other.

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2 minutes ago, BeyondWeary said:

I don't think it is to lead us to real recovery but to help us hang on. Even through my hard journey, I have some tools to share, some wisdom, a little hope. Some days I don't have much of anything so I need a place to vent that understands. If I was the only one struggling so, my life would have been gone a long time ago or I would be in an institution. What a wasted life that would be. Sometime those things are still tempting yet when I hear other here hanging on, it helps me to do the same. Also there is proof in the 12-step programs. They are all about sharing your story and encouraging each other.

Well said my friend because it truly makes me feel normal among my fellow sufferers who are experiencing some of the same things.  If we tell people outside of this DF what is actually going on in our heads they would think 🤔 we are crazy and begin to label us with mean and nasty names calling.  It’s good to have a place to be you and to let out your frustrations with people who understand you.

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18 hours ago, LonelyHiker said:

I'm an unapologetic atheist and don't believe in heaven or hell (or Valhalla, Gehenna, purgatory, etc, etc), but this quote about dogs vs. humans made me smile:

  • “You think dogs will not be in heaven? I tell you, they will be there long before any of us.” – Robert Louis Stevenson

My dog is the most balanced, sanest, loving creature I know. 

If there is no heaven for my dog then I don't want to be there either. 

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