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How Do You Feel Right Now #9


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8 hours ago, womanofthelight said:

While going through some family photos to bring to my therapy session, I started crying uncontrollably.  No one I know is awake at this time of night, except perhaps someone here. 

fwiw, I can't tell you the number of times I've been through similar.  A few years ago - worse, being a photographer - I went through and restored a bunch of family photos from my childhood and sobbed through all of it.  Oh, eventually I was glad I did it.  I'm very good at what I do and the restorations were even more realistic than when I'd taken them.  But I don't know I ever want to go through anything like that again.

And yeah, most often it was done in the middle of the night when I really could have used just one kindred soul.

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Hurting.  Physical pain to start my day that I didn't expect to get worse in those first few mornng hours.  Though I have important items on my To Do list, I hope I've learned over the past six weeks' recovery that when the pain starts I just need to stop...no matter what. 

If any consolation, I was pretty productive yesterday.  Frankly, I had an inkling something like this would happen, but I always hope it won't.  There's always a delay between pushing my activities and paying for it.

So, with some trepidation, I'm jus' gonna stop and put myself in bed today.  Dammit.

(fwiw, it helps me to be able to lay it out in writing here on DF to reassure myself I'm doing the right thing in my self-care)

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On 11/26/2018 at 7:21 AM, sober4life said:

I felt empty before.  Now that mom is gone I might as well be hollow or dead inside.  There is nothing really left of me and no logical reason to continue on in life really.  After my brother leaves tomorrow I will probably be completely alone until I completely lose my mind.  Everyone will abandon me and there's no chance anyone new will come into my life.  What's left of my story will be a sharp descent into madness I'm sure.

We ain't gonna let that happen. I'm going to send you my email addy in a PM. Reach out any time you need to.

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I feel like the most hated person on the planet 😢 People always avoid sitting next to me on transport and give me dirty looks... This happened again today!

They shouldn't judge a book by its cover! I always put others first before myself and when I don't, I beat myself up about it... I try to be the kindest I can be (which everyone takes for granted but I don't care) and I can't help the way I look! I'm slowly beginning to accept that I'm really hated without being known properly...

What did I do so wrong to deserve this? People act like I've committed a crime for no reason 😓 It makes me want to never leave my house again, you know? Everything I do is wrong, oh well...

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35 minutes ago, babyxgothxx said:

I feel like the most hated person on the planet 😢 People always avoid sitting next to me on transport and give me dirty looks... This happened again today!

They shouldn't judge a book by its cover! I always put others first before myself and when I don't, I beat myself up about it... I try to be the kindest I can be (which everyone takes for granted but I don't care) and I can't help the way I look! I'm slowly beginning to accept that I'm really hated without being known properly...

What did I do so wrong to deserve this? People act like I've committed a crime for no reason 😓 It makes me want to never leave my house again, you know? Everything I do is wrong, oh well...

I don’t know what all is going on with you my friend but I do hope things begin to get better for you.  

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3 hours ago, JD4010 said:

We ain't gonna let that happen. I'm going to send you my email addy in a PM. Reach out any time you need to.

I'll be ok.  I let my emotions get the best of me sometimes but I'm strong.  I am alone at the house now so I do worry.  I'm not going to hide away at the house though.  I still plan on having a good life if it's possible.

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This is the first day I'm alone at the house and I'm obsessively looking at old pictures.  I've been looking at them for 3 hours now.  I feel more alone than I ever have been.  People said they will call me or stop by but they won't.  They will leave me to die here at the house.  They will avoid me at all costs.  Now that mom is gone all that is left is sharks.

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50 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I'm extremely manic right now.  I have to calm myself down to be able to get some sleep.  There are lots of things that have to be done to get my life back on track and my mind wants to do all of those things before bed.  Lucky me!

Yeah, lucky you but tell your mind to take a chill pill until in the morning 

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Struggling pretty hard today. I could barely make it out of bed today. I could have stayed there all day. I then found out some news about a very loved one and it`s breaking my heart. I don`t know what to do. I just hope I can get some sleep tonight .

 

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6 hours ago, Lady Mozzer said:

Struggling pretty hard today. I could barely make it out of bed today. I could have stayed there all day. I then found out some news about a very loved one and it`s breaking my heart. I don`t know what to do. I just hope I can get some sleep tonight .

 

Me too my friend 

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5 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I'm such a mess trying to get everything done that needs to be done especially if I have to wait to a certain time for a business to open.  I'm psycho like Bill Murray in What About Bob staring at the clock.  Baby steps until 9 Oclock!

I enjoyed that movie my friend but please don’t drive the therapist crazy 😜 and don’t forget to take baby steps through out the day 

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On 11/27/2018 at 10:12 AM, MarkintheDark said:

Hurting.  Physical pain to start my day that I didn't expect to get worse in those first few mornng hours.  Though I have important items on my To Do list, I hope I've learned over the past six weeks' recovery that when the pain starts I just need to stop...no matter what. 

If any consolation, I was pretty productive yesterday.  Frankly, I had an inkling something like this would happen, but I always hope it won't.  There's always a delay between pushing my activities and paying for it.

So, with some trepidation, I'm jus' gonna stop and put myself in bed today.  Dammit.

(fwiw, it helps me to be able to lay it out in writing here on DF to reassure myself I'm doing the right thing in my self-care)

My friend sometimes you just have to shut the engine down so that you can overlook things to make sure it is alright to continue on the journey.  Rest well my friend but don’t you quit 

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