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20YearsandCounting

How Do You Feel Right Now #9

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I have a presentation to prepare for work, a bday celebration for my dad, snow tires to buy and a new mattress for the bed, all this weekend. So much to do... and it's cold outside! BRRRRRRR.

Right now is not the time I need to be shelling out a lot of money. I am trying to save for our wedding and honeymoon that we wish to have next April, IF we can swing it financially. 

I started the ball rolling by contacting a wedding planning company. They have connections to resorts all over the world. We want to be in the Caribbean somewhere for both the wedding and honeymoon at an all inclusive resort.

We're now going to elope again, but I have to tell my parents. I am worried about telling them. I am going to have my fiance with me as a buffer. I know they will be upset, but really, it makes the most economical sense. I'm going to wait until after my dad's bday to tell them. I am very nervous, but we can have a family celebration afterwards, I will inform them, and they can celebrate with us when we return. Hopefully, that will ease the hurt of not being involved. 

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1 hour ago, RiverLight said:

I have a presentation to prepare for work, a bday celebration for my dad, snow tires to buy and a new mattress for the bed, all this weekend. So much to do... and it's cold outside! BRRRRRRR.

Right now is not the time I need to be shelling out a lot of money. I am trying to save for our wedding and honeymoon that we wish to have next April, IF we can swing it financially. 

I started the ball rolling by contacting a wedding planning company. They have connections to resorts all over the world. We want to be in the Caribbean somewhere for both the wedding and honeymoon at an all inclusive resort.

We're now going to elope again, but I have to tell my parents. I am worried about telling them. I am going to have my fiance with me as a buffer. I know they will be upset, but really, it makes the most economical sense. I'm going to wait until after my dad's bday to tell them. I am very nervous, but we can have a family celebration afterwards, I will inform them, and they can celebrate with us when we return. Hopefully, that will ease the hurt of not being involved. 

Take care of your necessities first and then the non-necessities.  Do you have a budget and a secondary budget for your wedding?

If you hustle in the cold it will not seem as cold. 

Best of luck.

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2 minutes ago, Rattler6 said:

Take care of your necessities first and then the non-necessities.  Do you have a budget and a secondary budget for your wedding?

If you hustle in the cold it will not seem as cold. 

Best of luck.

Thanks! We do have a budget for our wedding & honeymoon... it's basically what we can save from now until then! lol. The errands will be fine in the cold, I am used to it, but we need a new mattress ASAP. His back is in a lot of pain! 

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7 minutes ago, RiverLight said:

Thanks! We do have a budget for our wedding & honeymoon... it's basically what we can save from now until then! lol. The errands will be fine in the cold, I am used to it, but we need a new mattress ASAP. His back is in a lot of pain! 

Oh come on a frozen rock makes  a perfect bed.  JK

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Thrown completely off balance...and this is the only place I can get it outta my system.

Went out with a friend midday for a brief photo excursion - first time in MONTHS - that taxed me a bit physically, but it was good to get with him.

However, came home to an email from Mom saying her landlord is tossing her out Dec. 15th because he's selling.  She's upset and crying over the phone.  On the upside, it was only verbal notice (invalid in FL) and not written, which is probably worse...15 days on her month-to-month.

Poured myself a drink to calm myself.  Out of character for me.  Nor am I going to do anything with her landlord until I calm down and can gather my thoughts.  I effin' HATE drama like this.  Didn't expect to be gobsmacked in this way...especially on a weekend that was going pretty well as my days have gone the past few months.

I was hoping we could delay her move to assisted living until at least the start of the year.  Financially, it will wipe me out within months.  tbh, death looks like a reasonable alternative for me at that point.  Yeah, I'm that upset.

Edited by MarkintheDark

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On 11/23/2018 at 6:33 AM, sober4life said:

Mom passed away today.  She was the best mom I could have ever asked for.  We had an amazing life together.  If there is a heaven I know she will be there.  I love her so much.  I'm going to live the rest of my life in a way that will make her proud.  I hope one day I can see her again.😥

I'm sorry for your loss, brother.  I hope you will be reunited with her in heaven, in due time.

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Can't say i am feeling well. I am light drinking, trying to do some work for my college. Feeling lonely, anxious, afraid, depressed. Wish i had a person to hug with and make dark thoughts go away. I used to have that person, but i pushed the person away. I hate saturdays. And my life. 

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I'm surviving another day in the blur of this life.  This has been so hard to get through.  The viewing will be tomorrow and the funeral will be Monday.  I can't handle this.  I hate having to seem strong when I'm extremely fragile underneath.

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46 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I'm surviving another day in the blur of this life.  This has been so hard to get through.  The viewing will be tomorrow and the funeral will be Monday.  I can't handle this.  I hate having to seem strong when I'm extremely fragile underneath.

I'm so sorry for your loss, sober. I know it has been hard on you seeing her suffer. I hope there is some comfort knowing she is not hurting anymore. It's trite, but take it 1 day/1 hour/1 minute at a time. You are a strong and good person. You will get through this ❤️

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There is comfort in knowing she is not hurting anymore.  She went through 9 months of hell.  If there is a heaven she is there for sure.  My family is helping me through this.  They have been amazing.  I've also helped others who are struggling big time.  For the first time in my life I'm the strong one.  I enjoy helping them all.  I have the best relationship I have ever had with every single family member right now and I'm very happy because of it.

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33 minutes ago, sober4life said:

There is comfort in knowing she is not hurting anymore.  She went through 9 months of hell.  If there is a heaven she is there for sure.  My family is helping me through this.  They have been amazing.  I've also helped others who are struggling big time.  For the first time in my life I'm the strong one.  I enjoy helping them all.  I have the best relationship I have ever had with every single family member right now and I'm very happy because of it.

I’m so happy for you my friend 

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4 hours ago, sober4life said:

I'm surviving another day in the blur of this life.  This has been so hard to get through.  The viewing will be tomorrow and the funeral will be Monday.  I can't handle this.  I hate having to seem strong when I'm extremely fragile underneath.

Everyone puts on an act of strength, sober. Even Presidents, Popes, Prime Ministers and reality TV stars.  

We are all soft and vulnerable in the middle. 

We are 60% water, after all LOL!

And we are all different acting people in different company/situations.

The "act" you put on is, in fact, still you.  It is you rising to the occasion and being a social-human-being, and this is good! 

It's funny, I had this very thing happen to me today: a co-worker who downloaded my podcast asked me who was the real me - the potty-mouthed opinionated prick on the podcast, or the polite, smiley, old man co-worker at the store I work in?

I literally said to him that both of them are me.

And they are.

 

 

 

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1 hour ago, salparadise6132 said:

Everyone puts on an act of strength, sober. Even Presidents, Popes, Prime Ministers and reality TV stars.  

We are all soft and vulnerable in the middle. 

We are 60% water, after all LOL!

And we are all different acting people in different company/situations.

The "act" you put on is, in fact, still you.  It is you rising to the occasion and being a social-human-being, and this is good! 

It's funny, I had this very thing happen to me today: a co-worker who downloaded my podcast asked me who was the real me - the potty-mouthed opinionated prick on the podcast, or the polite, smiley, old man co-worker at the store I work in?

I literally said to him that both of them are me.

And they are.

 

 

 

Well, said my friend because each one of us have to do what we have to do to get through another day in the jungles without becoming the next meal of the Lion.  So, we all pretend to be brave in reality but we’re actually running scared and we just don’t want the Lions of this world to know how really frightened we are  of the things that come up against us 

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2 hours ago, Floor2017 said:

Well, said my friend because each one of us have to do what we have to do to get through another day in the jungles without becoming the next meal of the Lion.  So, we all pretend to be brave in reality but we’re actually running scared and we just don’t want the Lions of this world to know how really frightened we are  of the things that come up against us 

So is the only cure for depression & other mental illnesses is to become Lions ourselves that are doing the nasty bullying of others?

Floor, you're not a naive person; we know how this harshly cutthroat world works: **** or be killed, eat or be eaten. Only the gullible & naive still believe that humans are a empathetic species.

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1 hour ago, MarkintheDark said:

Having a really bad night.  And, I need to be honest here, feel so without hope that I wrote a note.  I'm not in immediate danger, however.

 

I'm so sorry mark, I dont know how anything works over there legally or financially in your situation with your mum. I understand you feel hopeless.  Please take advice on all eventualities and come up with the best you can for the both of you. She shouldn't take precedence over your life and survival. I'm sorry, this is probably a useless post because I'm so in the dark about your situation and what you can do about it. 

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6 hours ago, MarkintheDark said:

Having a really bad night.  And, I need to be honest here, feel so without hope that I wrote a note.  I'm not in immediate danger, however.

 

I really don’t know what have gotten you to this point but I hope it soon passes from your plate my friend.  

 

 

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