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Deep loneliness and jealous of people that have what I want


SailingSoul

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I've been craving friends since the beginning of time and no matter what nothing ever seems to pan out. Whether at work or school no one likes me well enough to hang out with me outside the confines thryre actually forced to deal with me. 

I invite people but they turn me down or give the run around. One girl just used me for my car. I feel like I'm not supposed to have close relationships in this life...like I'm supposed to die alone or something. 

When my friend texts me to talk about the cruise she and her husband are going on... It just makes me sad 1) that she never hung out with my when I asked months ago 2) I wish I had someone to do that with... 

I just feel so isolated. Even with family...I don't feel visible. 

Also I deal with anxiety ... some days are better than others but yesterday was bad... I kinda wanted to cut myself it was so bad. I was afraid I might do something wrong. 

 

Anyway... I've been thinking about "it" and many times it seems like a great solution to this cycle... nothing will change except the fact I'll be more lonely in ways I never knew  I could be. 

 

Offing myself wouldn't matter bc no one cares I'm alive. My job would replace me... I have no social connections keeping me here. 

 

I'd off myself now if I knew I wouldn't traumatize my family....

I'm feel I'm gonna do it anyway because I HATE my life. I'm pathetic. I hate being me .,...

 

I honest to God wish I was aborted. 

I'm definitely not happy to be alive and I think I'll fix this soon.

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Oh, SalilingSoul, we would miss you a lot. You are valuable to us here. The world is just missing the gift that you are for some unknown reason. So sad! I hate when that happens to someone. I can think of two things you could try that might help. First, learn to be your own best friend therefore growing in confidence and self esteem so as to attract healthy friendships. Second, look for friendship in health places where people are learning to better themselves and their experiences. Hope this helps some. Sorry that you are in such a harder than hard place. You still matter to us here. 

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I can relate. Besides work, I don't hang out with anyone besides my daughter. I spend most evenings alone with my cats. The highlight of my week is going to the laundromat. That's my social outing.

Please don't leave us here. Stay in the mortal realm. We have each other in this place. Thank God.

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28 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

I can relate. Besides work, I don't hang out with anyone besides my daughter. I spend most evenings alone with my cats. The highlight of my week is going to the laundromat. That's my social outing.

Please don't leave us here. Stay in the mortal realm. We have each other in this place. Thank God.

Well said my friend where would we be with out a place like this DB for all of us to get together to encourage one another and to pat one another on the back just for another day of perseverance in a dark world where so many of us have been forgotten 

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I'm sorry to hear you are feeling this way. Please know you are worthy and more important than you will ever know. Have you try talking with a therapist?  I am naturally a shy person and also find it hard to meet new people but since attending my local church and joining a women's group have made it so much easier to meet others without even trying. Here's the suicide hotline if you feel the need to talk with someone, 1-800-SUICIDE or 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255). Praying things get better for you. 

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13 hours ago, SailingSoul said:

I can tell I'm ****ed up and depressed bc sometimes I can go a week or days without showering despite trying to keep a track record.. bc of work/ depression I just keep missing the mark

My friend make simple goals and reward yourself when you accomplished them.  Like take a bath, eat, wash clothes, go to work and try to talk to at least one person a day at work even if it’s no more than good morning 😃 

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14 hours ago, SailingSoul said:

I've been craving friends since the beginning of time and no matter what nothing ever seems to pan out. Whether at work or school no one likes me well enough to hang out with me outside the confines thryre actually forced to deal with me. 

I invite people but they turn me down or give the run around. One girl just used me for my car. I feel like I'm not supposed to have close relationships in this life...like I'm supposed to die alone or something. 

When my friend texts me to talk about the cruise she and her husband are going on... It just makes me sad 1) that she never hung out with my when I asked months ago 2) I wish I had someone to do that with... 

I just feel so isolated. Even with family...I don't feel visible. 

Also I deal with anxiety ... some days are better than others but yesterday was bad... I kinda wanted to cut myself it was so bad. I was afraid I might do something wrong. 

 

Anyway... I've been thinking about "it" and many times it seems like a great solution to this cycle... nothing will change except the fact I'll be more lonely in ways I never knew  I could be. 

 

Offing myself wouldn't matter bc no one cares I'm alive. My job would replace me... I have no social connections keeping me here. 

 

I'd off myself now if I knew I wouldn't traumatize my family....

I'm feel I'm gonna do it anyway because I HATE my life. I'm pathetic. I hate being me .,...

 

I honest to God wish I was aborted. 

I'm definitely not happy to be alive and I think I'll fix this soon.

Try a dating site to meet someone similar to you, who might be lonely and needing a friend to talk to.  You never know until you try it, how things might turn out for you.  Hang in there my friend and I wish you nothing but great joy in your days to come 

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