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PLEASE HELP ME HELP MY DAUGHTER


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This is the first time I've ever posted anything like this but I am at a loss and desperate for guidance so thank you in advance for reading.  My 12-year-old daughter, my heart, told us about 2 weeks after our second child was born, that she had been sexually abused by her half-brother. Apparently this happened when she was 7, he was 13, and went on for God knows how long. This was brought to light 2 years ago and he was removed from the home immediately. To sum up the last 2 years since this came out, it has been a dark and struggling time for all, to say the least. She has refused to talk to her therapist about what took place and with the police so charges against him were dropped. She went from the sunny, sweet girl we knew to someone who has withdrawn/depressed, has severe anxiety, and extremely moody/negative. Just 2 days ago I received a call from her school that several students reported she had been making comments about suicide, she had been cutting herself, and that she told them -whoever the kids were who reported it- that her half-brother had raped her in the past. (We never knew how far things went so imagine finding out the worst of the worst among everything else.) The school counselors, including a Crisis Counselor, did an excellent job working with her to get her to actually talk a little bit about what was going on (something her therapist has in my opinion not been aggressive enough about in the time since the info was disclosed), and we were sent to a local hospital for her to have an assessment. The doctors there were on the fence between admitting her and putting her in group therapy, ultimately recommending the latter, which starts next week. 

As a parent and someone who loves her more than she can even comprehend, heartbroken and terrified can't even begin to describe how I feel right now. I had been completely unaware of the evil of what was happening in my own home during the time of her abuse and I have failed her so utterly, there are no words. I don't know what to do and keep begging people to just tell me how to fix this, make her better, but it's going in circles- especially since she won't talk about the abuse and keeps avoiding the seriousness of the situation. This world CAN'T lose this amazing person- she's a gift, and has the potential inside her to grow and do great things with her life. This is nightmare that I will do absolutely anything in my power to help her fix. I just can't seem to get through to her.

My husband's son, the one who hurt her, is now 18 and has been kicked out of school, his mother's house, and arrested earlier this year for kidnapping and terrorizing someone (a male). We had told our daughter he had done some bad things and had been sent to jail but not the details as to not scare her. Well, a friend of hers recently told her what he did to land himself in jail and that actually adds up with the timeline of when she started triple-checking all the locks and missing school assignments. I think she's afraid he'll come after her and I can't say it's not a fear of mine, too. My husband thinks we're being over-the-top to be scared of this possibility but I'm having a home security system installed tomorrow since he's now out of jail and no one seems to know where he's even living right now. My husband won't even consider moving out of town even though I've now been out with my 2 kids and have actually run into him at different stores- one of them just 5 miles from our home. To paint a picture, we've left carts in the middle of the aisles and dodged to the car. Both times I don't think my daughter saw him but she's not a stupid person and though I tried to keep a calm exterior, I think she put it together.

Her depression, the threat of suicide, the fear of the person who hurt her and who has violent tendencies that could be pretty much anywhere, the cutting...  She's been in individual therapy, starting group therapy, all razors and medicine have been locked them up, I'm constantly checking on her and trying to talk to her- at the least to reassure her I'm here for her- these are things that have been/are being done.  What else can I do?! I CANNOT fail her again and have to find a way to get her the help that she needs to bring sunshine back into her life. She deserves it and so much more. If anyone has advice for what I can do for my daughter, please, PLEASE speak up. Thank you for your time.

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Oh, my heart so goes out to you! Sorry that you are going through all this. How scary for your daughter! I had some very difficult years with my son so I understand some of what you are doing through. It sounds like you are doing everything you can for her. I would suggest getting a different/better therapist for her, one that she can feel safe sharing with. Also maybe let her know that there are suicide hotlines to call if she gets desperate just in case it might be hard to talk to you as she will know how hard it will be and maybe she could open up with someone who can understand.

Hang in there. It will get better. It would be helpful for you to see a therapist also to get support, perspective, and tools. Things may not turn out as good as you would like yet you will be stronger because of going through this and so will she. My prayers are with you.

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On 10/26/2018 at 11:05 AM, Pink603 said:

This is the first time I've ever posted anything like this but I am at a loss and desperate for guidance so thank you in advance for reading.  My 12-year-old daughter, my heart, told us about 2 weeks after our second child was born, that she had been sexually abused by her half-brother. Apparently this happened when she was 7, he was 13, and went on for God knows how long. This was brought to light 2 years ago and he was removed from the home immediately. To sum up the last 2 years since this came out, it has been a dark and struggling time for all, to say the least. She has refused to talk to her therapist about what took place and with the police so charges against him were dropped. She went from the sunny, sweet girl we knew to someone who has withdrawn/depressed, has severe anxiety, and extremely moody/negative. Just 2 days ago I received a call from her school that several students reported she had been making comments about suicide, she had been cutting herself, and that she told them -whoever the kids were who reported it- that her half-brother had raped her in the past. (We never knew how far things went so imagine finding out the worst of the worst among everything else.) The school counselors, including a Crisis Counselor, did an excellent job working with her to get her to actually talk a little bit about what was going on (something her therapist has in my opinion not been aggressive enough about in the time since the info was disclosed), and we were sent to a local hospital for her to have an assessment. The doctors there were on the fence between admitting her and putting her in group therapy, ultimately recommending the latter, which starts next week. 

As a parent and someone who loves her more than she can even comprehend, heartbroken and terrified can't even begin to describe how I feel right now. I had been completely unaware of the evil of what was happening in my own home during the time of her abuse and I have failed her so utterly, there are no words. I don't know what to do and keep begging people to just tell me how to fix this, make her better, but it's going in circles- especially since she won't talk about the abuse and keeps avoiding the seriousness of the situation. This world CAN'T lose this amazing person- she's a gift, and has the potential inside her to grow and do great things with her life. This is nightmare that I will do absolutely anything in my power to help her fix. I just can't seem to get through to her.

My husband's son, the one who hurt her, is now 18 and has been kicked out of school, his mother's house, and arrested earlier this year for kidnapping and terrorizing someone (a male). We had told our daughter he had done some bad things and had been sent to jail but not the details as to not scare her. Well, a friend of hers recently told her what he did to land himself in jail and that actually adds up with the timeline of when she started triple-checking all the locks and missing school assignments. I think she's afraid he'll come after her and I can't say it's not a fear of mine, too. My husband thinks we're being over-the-top to be scared of this possibility but I'm having a home security system installed tomorrow since he's now out of jail and no one seems to know where he's even living right now. My husband won't even consider moving out of town even though I've now been out with my 2 kids and have actually run into him at different stores- one of them just 5 miles from our home. To paint a picture, we've left carts in the middle of the aisles and dodged to the car. Both times I don't think my daughter saw him but she's not a stupid person and though I tried to keep a calm exterior, I think she put it together.

Her depression, the threat of suicide, the fear of the person who hurt her and who has violent tendencies that could be pretty much anywhere, the cutting...  She's been in individual therapy, starting group therapy, all razors and medicine have been locked them up, I'm constantly checking on her and trying to talk to her- at the least to reassure her I'm here for her- these are things that have been/are being done.  What else can I do?! I CANNOT fail her again and have to find a way to get her the help that she needs to bring sunshine back into her life. She deserves it and so much more. If anyone has advice for what I can do for my daughter, please, PLEASE speak up. Thank you for your time.

What happened to her is absolutely terrible.  I think you're taking all the right steps, although it is probably necessary for your daughter to have some time to recover before talking more about what happened.  It's good that you want to get this "half brother" sent to prison, but your daughter may need to recover emotionally before she's ready to talk about what happened.  

I hope things get better for you and your daughter.

- Wizardwarrior

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I am so sorry for what happened and is happening to your daughter.

  Your thoughts and feelings are totally understandable and justified in my opinion. 

My apologies for now replying to your post sooner, but I have been under the weather. 

Seems like you are doing everything in your power to help your daughter.  I wish I had the wisdom to offer you advise, but sadly I do not have such wisdom. 

How is the situation right now?  Has there been any improvement?   My heart goes out to you! ! !   - epictetus

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Thank you all- so, so much.  It's been a whirlwind these last few weeks and I wish I could have logged on sooner.  My daughter is continuing to work with her therapists who are taking this very seriously- thank goodness!  She has her ups and downs but does seem to be talking a bit more to me (not about the abuse but any open dialogue is a gift from her right now).  I had a home security system installed (against the wishes of my husband...) with hope that she would feel more comfortable/safe in her own home and though she says she does, she still sleeps with her mattress on the floor and her bedframe around it as a barricade.  I'm not pushing for this to stop right now if that's what it takes to help her, but it is hard to see she feels she needs this.  She has stopped putting a chair in front of her door when she goes to bed so that is something. She has not been cutting and has been spending time with friends- sweet kids that leave her smiling. This smile is everything right now. :)

Her father and I are married and have been in counseling for several weeks now- something that should have started years ago. One problem between us is the understanding that we need to move out of that house immediately to help her, and honestly, myself, start over and feel safer.  He has a "list" of things he wants done before putting the house on the market, however, that list was created right after we found out about the abuse and only a few things have been ticked off in 2 years. He clearly doesn't want to move. It breaks my heart to say this but my patience will give it only a few more months and then I'm going to  make changes and from there, if he wishes to continue to live there or not, he can have it all. Maybe he'll understand why by then but he's in a different place with this whole situation, as the father of both the abused and the abuser. Our relationship has never been solid (after 15 years together), and he's never really tried to have a meaningful relationship with our daughter- never been close- but he is my friend and not a bad person. Unfortunately, I feel very, very alone in all of this. Our daughter has recently verbalized she does not feel close to her father and I have heard from family members that in the past she's mentioned she wishes we were divorced. As a child of a divorce, I KNOW it's not easy. I just don't know what step to take to make it better or worse: Staying and having resentment but offering her stability and the familiar (however the "familiar" is a home she loathes), or leaving and possibly unsettling her more but giving us all space from things that could be a threat or at the very least, stand in the way of making real changes the could be positive. She has not once stopped asking to move out of there so it's clear how she feels about moving to another home.

This is like a living nightmare that won't end. I know I have to be strong for her and due to all of this I'm getting on anti-depressants myself, so I can try harder and not be consumed with the despair of the situation. I wish I had the right answers to make the best decision for her future and her health. It would be nice to not have to feel like the only one fighting for this. Hopefully we can get further along with the help of counseling but after 15 years I hate to say that I know him pretty well and whatever changes he's made to make within out marriage will be temporary, and if he doesn't want to move and has to, will breed resentment. I am a patient person but at this point it feels like he's either with me or in the way when it comes to what needs to be done. It would just be great if he would be what SHE needs right now, and maybe even mine, too.

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18 minutes ago, Pink603 said:

Thank you all- so, so much.  It's been a whirlwind these last few weeks and I wish I could have logged on sooner.  My daughter is continuing to work with her therapists who are taking this very seriously- thank goodness!  She has her ups and downs but does seem to be talking a bit more to me (not about the abuse but any open dialogue is a gift from her right now).  I had a home security system installed (against the wishes of my husband...) with hope that she would feel more comfortable/safe in her own home and though she says she does, she still sleeps with her mattress on the floor and her bedframe around it as a barricade.  I'm not pushing for this to stop right now if that's what it takes to help her, but it is hard to see she feels she needs this.  She has stopped putting a chair in front of her door when she goes to bed so that is something. She has not been cutting and has been spending time with friends- sweet kids that leave her smiling. This smile is everything right now. 🙂

Her father and I are married and have been in counseling for several weeks now- something that should have started years ago. One problem between us is the understanding that we need to move out of that house immediately to help her, and honestly, myself, start over and feel safer.  He has a "list" of things he wants done before putting the house on the market, however, that list was created right after we found out about the abuse and only a few things have been ticked off in 2 years. He clearly doesn't want to move. It breaks my heart to say this but my patience will give it only a few more months and then I'm going to  make changes and from there, if he wishes to continue to live there or not, he can have it all. Maybe he'll understand why by then but he's in a different place with this whole situation, as the father of both the abused and the abuser. Our relationship has never been solid (after 15 years together), and he's never really tried to have a meaningful relationship with our daughter- never been close- but he is my friend and not a bad person. Unfortunately, I feel very, very alone in all of this. Our daughter has recently verbalized she does not feel close to her father and I have heard from family members that in the past she's mentioned she wishes we were divorced. As a child of a divorce, I KNOW it's not easy. I just don't know what step to take to make it better or worse: Staying and having resentment but offering her stability and the familiar (however the "familiar" is a home she loathes), or leaving and possibly unsettling her more but giving us all space from things that could be a threat or at the very least, stand in the way of making real changes the could be positive. She has not once stopped asking to move out of there so it's clear how she feels about moving to another home.

This is like a living nightmare that won't end. I know I have to be strong for her and due to all of this I'm getting on anti-depressants myself, so I can try harder and not be consumed with the despair of the situation. I wish I had the right answers to make the best decision for her future and her health. It would be nice to not have to feel like the only one fighting for this. Hopefully we can get further along with the help of counseling but after 15 years I hate to say that I know him pretty well and whatever changes he's made to make within out marriage will be temporary, and if he doesn't want to move and has to, will breed resentment. I am a patient person but at this point it feels like he's either with me or in the way when it comes to what needs to be done. It would just be great if he would be what SHE needs right now, and maybe even mine, too.

I’m sorry to hear that so much chaos is 

going on in your home right now.  You 

are in a difficult situation and it can be 

hard trying to figure out what is best for 

the family.  

 

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Hi Pink. I'm sorry your daughter is struggling, what an awful situation. You have my compassion and sympathy and I so wish I could give you helpful advice regarding how to assist your daughter but I haven't the experience to do so. 

How are you holding up? You mentioned you're taking medication, are you able to see a counselor privately to discuss your health? Are you able to take a slice of time here and there to do something pleasant for yourself? I'm hoping so.

From what you wrote, it seems you're putting all you energy into making certain your daughter feels safe and loved which is terrific and admirable. What needs have to be met for you to maintain that strength and functionality? If it's not the time to consider this, that's okay. I just want to ask if your husband or someone is looking out for you while you have both eyes on your daughter. 

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14 hours ago, Atra said:

Hi Pink. I'm sorry your daughter is struggling, what an awful situation. You have my compassion and sympathy and I so wish I could give you helpful advice regarding how to assist your daughter but I haven't the experience to do so. 

How are you holding up? You mentioned you're taking medication, are you able to see a counselor privately to discuss your health? Are you able to take a slice of time here and there to do something pleasant for yourself? I'm hoping so.

From what you wrote, it seems you're putting all you energy into making certain your daughter feels safe and loved which is terrific and admirable. What needs have to be met for you to maintain that strength and functionality? If it's not the time to consider this, that's okay. I just want to ask if your husband or someone is looking out for you while you have both eyes on your daughter. 

Thank you, Atra. My main goal of this was to find ways to help my daughter but no, when it comes down to it I am not ok, though I hate to admit it. After struggling with depression and severe anxiety for years myself, I can go ahead and add guilt to that since I'm sure I've been a not just a poor example on how to handle stress, but also fear that it's been shared as a terrible hereditary bonus? (Her therapist couldn't condemn or condone this theory.)  Some of my family are trying to be as supportive as they can but no one really knows what to do.

Ultimately I do feel alone in trying to hold her up, but also like my legs could go out from under me at any moment. However, this just simply isn't an option -there's no way I can afford any kind of break for me right now. I'll admit it is scaring me that my hair is falling out -literally- but as mentioned, I'm starting to get back on my own medication to keep from going off the rails. Beyond working 2 jobs, raising an active toddler, taking my daughter to therapy sessions, marriage counseling, and all it takes to run a household, there's no time or energy left for individual counseling for myself so I just have to keep on keeping on. One thing I do wish I had is a support group in my area with other parents going through the same thing. No idea how I'd be able to fit that in but wow, would that be worth trying for. 

I'll be ok though so please disregard my whining here. It'll all work out because it has to. :)

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A support group in near where you live is an excellent idea. Maybe it won't be specific to your situation, still it could be helpful to share your feelings with mothers in a supportive environment without fear of judgement.

For right now, here is a place to vent some frustrations and say those words that you can't say to anyone in your family or friends. Whining is welcome. Be well and my best to your daughter. 

 

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  • 3 months later...

Pink603, I am so, so sorry for this nightmare your family and especially your precious daughter are living through right now. While I cannot begin to know your specific journey and your unique family dynamics, please take heart in knowing that you have taken all of the right steps in getting your baby the help she needs. It's important that you also get counseling. We could be the same person, you and I, as I have walked in the very shoes you now wear, and I am sobbing right now for the pain you and your baby have been forced to endure. This is a good and safe place to lay your burdens down and gather support. Bless your precious family. 😢 Oh wow, I just noticed this is a pretty old post. @Pink603 if you get this notice, please check in when you have time, and let us know how things have been going for your family. 

Edited by Tearz
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  • 11 months later...

I haven't posted in a long time but here goes...  Over the last year my 13 year old daughter has made multiple suicide attempts and been admitted to 4 different psychiatric hospitals, diagnosed with various issues from mood disorder, bi-polar depression, PTSD, and anxiety disorder.  Her last attempt on her life was just a few weeks ago.  She just left to go back into school looking exactly like she's trying to look these days- as a boy, which is confusing since she was pleading with me to buy her a pink dress right after she was released from the hospital. 

I'm not ok. Between her hot and cold attitude towards her family, mainly me, her 3-year-old brother going through major defiance problems and constant tantrums (and his NEVER SLEEPING), it's like a new circle of hell that has swallowed up every part of life. These are my babies, the best parts of me- so how can this be such a nightmare?  This position is lonely, confusing, and I feel helpless. I cannot stress enough how horrible evenings are; how difficult it is to alternate every second between one child screaming like a banshee and trying to hurt himself by jumping off furniture, and rushing into her room to make sure she isn't cutting herself into pieces- or worse- because she was slightly off when she got home. 

Everyone- family, doctors, the internet, friends- all give conflicting info on how to deal with both my daughter and my toddler, to such a mind-boggling degree that I'm afraid to do anything. Of course doing nothing is wrong, too.

Yes, my daughter is in therapy, and I know the original post was a plea for anyone to offer advice to help her so forgive me for being selfish to turn it to my problems.  I don't know what to do any more.  I question if someone else should be raising my children because I can't seem to do a good job no matter what I do. 

BUT I know I was a good mom once.  She was happy, a truly happy little girl and I remember being proud of how naturally easy-going and loving our relationship was, how I knew what I was doing.  I was the mom with the craft box on rainy Sundays and Mommy-Daughter dates to the movies on the reg.  Now I have no energy left to give after struggling to keep both of them safe and my son does not get that effort I poured into my daughter's childhood, which breaks my heart.  So how did I go from being the mom I wanted to be to now a mom that is questioning if my children wouldn't be better off raised by other, superior mothers?  It's not because I quit them or didn't give literally everything. I'm angry because this shouldn't be this way. I've known mothers who put their kids last and KNOW I'm not one of them. 

I've read about burnout but how long can this go on where sanity isn't completely lost?  I've had to bite my tongue not to tell my daughter that the next time she tries to to cut or **** herself, to just do the exact same to me because she's ******* me either way.  (Dramatic, huh?)  No, I wouldn't say this out-loud but God, do I think it...  

Thank you for taking the time to read this. 

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On 11/6/2018 at 9:40 AM, Pink603 said:

Thank you, Atra. My main goal of this was to find ways to help my daughter but no, when it comes down to it I am not ok, though I hate to admit it. After struggling with depression and severe anxiety for years myself, I can go ahead and add guilt to that since I'm sure I've been a not just a poor example on how to handle stress, but also fear that it's been shared as a terrible hereditary bonus? (Her therapist couldn't condemn or condone this theory.)  Some of my family are trying to be as supportive as they can but no one really knows what to do.

Ultimately I do feel alone in trying to hold her up, but also like my legs could go out from under me at any moment. However, this just simply isn't an option -there's no way I can afford any kind of break for me right now. I'll admit it is scaring me that my hair is falling out -literally- but as mentioned, I'm starting to get back on my own medication to keep from going off the rails. Beyond working 2 jobs, raising an active toddler, taking my daughter to therapy sessions, marriage counseling, and all it takes to run a household, there's no time or energy left for individual counseling for myself so I just have to keep on keeping on. One thing I do wish I had is a support group in my area with other parents going through the same thing. No idea how I'd be able to fit that in but wow, would that be worth trying for. 

I'll be ok though so please disregard my whining here. It'll all work out because it has to. 🙂

Hey, Pink, I can relate to you.  I adopted my brother two daughters and they both have some serious mental health issues.   They are so difficult to deal with and it is driving me and my wife bananas because we do not know how to help them.  By the way they refuses any help from us and they both want the street life.  I had no choice but to let one of them go to the street life and the other one is fighting very hard for the same thing.  They are 21 and 20 and are literally breaking my heart.  But I’m probably going to have to just let them live the life they wants even though I know the paths that they are choosing is a very bad one.  

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I am in a very bad situation myself, so bad in fact that I cannot even talk about it yet.  Because of this I can relate to almost every single thing you have said although our situations are not identical.

But sadly, offering advice is not something I can do. I would like to share what is helping me through the nightmare I am living.  I realize it might not be useful to you in any way though.

It is something a psychiatrist told me about the depression I was suffering due to the ongoing nightmare of my life.

This is what he said:  He said that depression causes something very strange to happen to one's thinking and feelings.  One who is depressed tends to look at oneself, the people in one's life and one's life iself and get "stuck" in an attitude of "could be better, but isn't better."  This is a direct affect of the illness of depression regardless of the nightmares that cause it.

Looking at things from the point of view of "could be better, but isn't better" naturally generates certain feelings:  dissatisfaction, aggravation, disappointment, anger, resentment, unhappiness and hopelessness.  How could such an attitude NOT generates these kinds of feelings, he said.

But there is another attitude that one can take towards everything in life, an attitude that depression makes difficult and even impossible and that attitude is "could be worse but isn't worse."  That attitude naturally generates happier feelings.

He told me that depression can almost be defined as the inability to have this "could be worse, but isn't worse attitude."

I told him:  "Everything in my life is a nightmare.  Everything is bad and getting worse.  How can I possibly have an attitude like "could be worse, but isn't worse."  He told me that perhaps I couldn't until my depression was under control.  But he suggested I try to introduce this attitude into my life.

"Every nightmare you are suffering could be worse but isn't worse" he told me.  You are never going to feel better as long as you are stuck in a "could be better, but isn't better" attitude.  The medication you are taking should help with that," he said.

I was so angry at this psychiatrist.  "But the people in my life could be better and are not.  I could be better and could have been better in the past but am not and is not.  All these nightmare situations I am in could be better." I told him.

But he said:  "Don't you see that all these things could be worse, but are not worse. Don't you see that it is depression that has you stuck in the "could be better but isn't better" way of looking at everything in your life?"

I totally and violently disagreed with him.  But gradually and over time I have begun to see that he was right.  I am still living in many nightmare situations.  But since my depression has decreased, I am not longer stuck in the "could be better but isn't better" way of looking at things.

The living nightmares I endure have not changed or decreased and in fact have increased and yet I am not so troubled as I was. 

The psychiatrist also told me not to blame myself that I was stuck in the "could be better but isn't better" frame of mind.  Depression is an illness regardless of what living nightmares cause it.  One cannot simply throw a switch and look at things differently.  It is a real illness. 

And that is why it is not only useless but cruel to just tell a depressed person to "look on the bright side."  Depression itself makes it impossible or nearly so to do that and to urge someone who is depressed to do that is like rubbing salt into an open wound.

That is why I cannot and will not offer advice.  You are living a nightmare.  I am not living your nightmare. I am not in your shoes.    So I cannot give advice.  I can only share what helps me in my living nightmare life.

I have little post-its all over my house that read "could be worse, but isn't worse, thank goodness."  One is in my bedroom.  One in the living room.  One on the bathroom mirror.  One on the refrigerator door.  One in my car. 

I look at them when I getting stressed out of my mind and they help me.

I am in a living nightmare.  But I am not trapped in a burning building.  I am not marooned in the Sahara desert without water.  I don't have the Ebola virus. 

The people in my life are far from perfect but none of them are genocidal leaders who have caused the destruction of tens of millions of people. 

Although I suffer a terrible illness that may take my life at any moment and for which there is no cure at present, I am not suffering an illness for which pain medications do not work. 

Although I have not been an ideal person in my life, I am not and have never been an Adolf Hitler. 

Although someone in my life is headed for something really bad, I have done what I could and I appreciate the millions of good things about that person. 

This helps me to go on.

I am not a professional therapist or doctor or ANYTHING.  So I cannot give advice.  It could be that my nightmare is so unique that what helps me would be useless to you or others.  Sadly, I can only share what helps me.

I do hope, and profoundly hope, that things get better for you.  You are suffering such an unbelievable and heartbreaking . . . utterly heartbreaking set of situations.  I think you are a very good and very heroic person and I can only look up to you.

So very, very sorry I cannot helpful to you!   My heart goes out to you!

Something that helps me and still helps me is a little YouTube video "Life Wisdom from Dr. Aaron Beck."  Dr. Beck is one of the fathers of Cognitive Therapy. 

 

 

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@Pink603  Truly horrible what your Daughter went through. And what you as a mother are going through right now is also horrible. It's an imaginable pain for both. I honestly think you are doing a Great job! First you immediately believed her and offered your full support. There is quite a few parents that actually would not do that and won't believe their kid and be in denial. You accepting her is a huge help for her recovery. This is such a difficult time for you and your family that there is no one way solution. But I promise she will get better. I was also sexually Abused by my own blood relative when I was a child up until i was 12. I never told my mom because I was scared and didn't want to hurt her. I also had many suicidal thoughts and would cut myself. When I was your daughter age I was at my worst. I didn't know how to reach out. 

But truly you are doing the best you can. This is just a situation that needs time. Since it hasn't been that long that she told you the trauma is still fresh and it could be as though she's living it all over again. One goes through feelings of shame ,disgust , loneliness ect. As long as you continue to show her unconditional Love and make it be known she is Loved and accepted by you and her loves ones then the road to recovery will be better. It's Great that she is in therapy! That will help a lot. Make sure she likes and trust her theraphist. I had to go through a few until I found the right one.

You have so much on your plate right now. It's a lot to deal with and I feel for you so much but don't let yourself believe that you're not doing enough because you are. This is just a extremely difficult situation that's going to take a lot of time and work but your daughter will be ok . 

Continue to keep us updated. Sometimes it helps to let it all out and you can always message me as well! Sending so much love to you and your daughter and whole family! I just know it will be ok  

Edited by June322
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