I've had enough

[Logan Sims]

I'm tired of school. I'm tired of being a small useless part of the education system that nobody gives a damn about. I'm tired of being unloved. I'm tired of seeing my father covered in blood everytime I close my eyes. I'm tired of being stressed out by assignments that are handed out by teachers who wouldn't care if I stabbed myself to death. I'm tired of my existance not being acknowledged by anyone. I won't be noticed until I beat myself to death. My family tells me not to be hard on myself but it's all I know because I'm not good enough. I have nothing to look forward to or think of to make me feel better. Nothing can make up for what's been lost. There's no reason to stick around with a loss that big. I want to starve. I want to fade away. My skin burns with anger and rage. The tears still flow. My body is lifeless and numb. All I can see is death and destruction. A world of darkness where buildings crumble and the streets are coated in the blood of anyone and everyone five times over. I don't belong here. I don't belong anywhere. Running would get me nowhere. Living hasn't gotten me anywhere either. If the past events in my life are any indication, I don't deserve love, so instead I believe that I deserve to burn in the deepest, darkest, hottest pit hell has to offer. I'm innocent. But that matters to nobody. I'm still unlovable and forgotten. Goodnight.

[Rattler6]

Hello Logan Sims,

No, you do not deserve to suffer like that.  No one does.  I wish you comfort in your difficult moment. 

If you could do anything that you would like to do?

[Logan Sims]

1 minute ago, Rattler6 said:

Hello Logan Sims,

No, you do not deserve to suffer like that.  No one does.  I wish you comfort in your difficult moment. 

If you could do anything that you would like to do?

I would like to make something of myself. Grow up, get straightened out, and settle down with a lovely lady. But that's too much to ask. Most things I ask for are. I'm better off offing myself to be honest. It's the only thing I can actually make happen without needing help from anyone.

[Rattler6]

I am close to offing myself also.  I am going out to state in a few days and have thought of putting a 12 gauge 0-0 buck shell through my brain. 

[Logan Sims]

Just now, Rattler6 said:

I am close to offing myself also.  I am going out to state in a few days and have thought of putting a 12 gauge 0-0 buck shell through my brain. 

I plan to beat and punch myself until my body isn't strong enough to get back up.

[Rattler6]

Just now, Logan Sims said:

I plan to beat and punch myself until my body isn't strong enough to get back up.

That is just inhumane not to mention highly inefficient.  If there was someone else you wanted to beat who/what would it be?

[Logan Sims]

Myself and only myself. I'm the only one I can take my anger out on. Inefficient or not, perhaps when people see I beat myself to death they'll see how far I was willing to go just to stop living this hell.

[Rattler6]

Logan, hurting yourself is just insanity.  Self-harm will not help you. 

[Wizardwarrior315]

9 hours ago, Logan Sims said:

Myself and only myself. I'm the only one I can take my anger out on. Inefficient or not, perhaps when people see I beat myself to death they'll see how far I was willing to go just to stop living this hell.

Have you talked to anyone about what's going on?  If they see the hell they're putting you through, they should reconsider.  If they don't, it's their problem for not understanding.  

[Floor2017]

2 minutes ago, Wizardwarrior315 said:

Have you talked to anyone about what's going on?  If they see the hell they're putting you through, they should reconsider.  If they don't, it's their problem for not understanding.  

I strongly agree with you 

[Floor2017]

11 hours ago, Logan Sims said:

I'm tired of school. I'm tired of being a small useless part of the education system that nobody gives a damn about. I'm tired of being unloved. I'm tired of seeing my father covered in blood everytime I close my eyes. I'm tired of being stressed out by assignments that are handed out by teachers who wouldn't care if I stabbed myself to death. I'm tired of my existance not being acknowledged by anyone. I won't be noticed until I beat myself to death. My family tells me not to be hard on myself but it's all I know because I'm not good enough. I have nothing to look forward to or think of to make me feel better. Nothing can make up for what's been lost. There's no reason to stick around with a loss that big. I want to starve. I want to fade away. My skin burns with anger and rage. The tears still flow. My body is lifeless and numb. All I can see is death and destruction. A world of darkness where buildings crumble and the streets are coated in the blood of anyone and everyone five times over. I don't belong here. I don't belong anywhere. Running would get me nowhere. Living hasn't gotten me anywhere either. If the past events in my life are any indication, I don't deserve love, so instead I believe that I deserve to burn in the deepest, darkest, hottest pit hell has to offer. I'm innocent. But that matters to nobody. I'm still unlovable and forgotten. Goodnight.

My friend you have just described every 

reason to want to live.  You see everything 

wrong, so you now have a reason to want 

to live, so you can try to make a difference 

in somebody else life from the hell you

are receiving in yours.  I know I have lived 

similar experiences in my almost 49 years 

years of   existence.  It’s easy to hate

and to get mad about your surroundings 

but it requires a little more work from us

to try to change the things around us.

Hang in there my friend and try to live 

and not die because the world need more 

people like you who can see it for what it 

is.           

[BeyondWeary]

Logan, I so feel for you. Please get a good psychiatrist that can help you through this darkness and to see some light.

[sad in grand Rapids]

Do you know that you are good enough because I believe you are. Second if you hate school take a break because college isn't for everyone. You life isn't over if this try with school doesn't work out. Sometimes similar happened to me when I went college the first time only I stuck with it to long because then school really wasn't what I need to be doing. Then later went back and finished my degree. 

First thing to do is get professional help for your problems as you appear to be suffering from anxiety and depression. I hope I didn't offend you by suggesting it. Second do what they say.

I really hope you start feeling better and I know all to well the pain you are going through.

I'm not doing much better myself but I'm getting help and trying.

David 

 

 

 

[Logan Sims]

On 10/12/2018 at 7:54 PM, sad in grand Rapids said:

Do you know that you are good enough because I believe you are. Second if you hate school take a break because college isn't for everyone. You life isn't over if this try with school doesn't work out. Sometimes similar happened to me when I went college the first time only I stuck with it to long because then school really wasn't what I need to be doing. Then later went back and finished my degree. 

First thing to do is get professional help for your problems as you appear to be suffering from anxiety and depression. I hope I didn't offend you by suggesting it. Second do what they say.

I really hope you start feeling better and I know all to well the pain you are going through.

I'm not doing much better myself but I'm getting help and trying.

David 

 

 

 

I'm in Highschool there are no breaks.

I'm 15 and don't have a car so I can't distance myself or runaway. More reason to die.

[Logan Sims]

On 10/12/2018 at 7:54 PM, sad in grand Rapids said:

Do you know that you are good enough because I believe you are. Second if you hate school take a break because college isn't for everyone. You life isn't over if this try with school doesn't work out. Sometimes similar happened to me when I went college the first time only I stuck with it to long because then school really wasn't what I need to be doing. Then later went back and finished my degree. 

First thing to do is get professional help for your problems as you appear to be suffering from anxiety and depression. I hope I didn't offend you by suggesting it. Second do what they say.

I really hope you start feeling better and I know all to well the pain you are going through.

I'm not doing much better myself but I'm getting help and trying.

David 

 

 

 

I've also been going to counseling and like everything else I've tried it doesn't help.

[JellyThou]

It is a modern designed slavery system decorated with glittering lights and beautiful words.

The basis of this slavery system comes from the essence of the capitalist order. The boundaries of capitalism are dictated by the mode of governance. The modern slavery system, one of the most sensitive and rising technology and the most sensitive issues in the globalized world, is the reality that is manifested in the poor and the workers.

It is one of the biggest problems of the globalizing world and undesirable constructs. this fiction is about exploiting the low-income sector and making the high-income comfortable. It is a growing entity that is benefiting from the bad conditions of the people in need of income and economically difficult.

[Oscar K]

There is an old adage that we all should keep in mind:

It's better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.

Of course the candle and the darkness are metaphorical.

With metaphors we can do anything.

"Disguise" the limit.

[Steveab63]

You dont need to hurt yourself, or be so hard on yourself. The world is cruel enough without you beating yourself up too.

If you are seeing a councellor, and not getting anywhere, you are likely not opening up and really saying what is bothering you. That can be scary but it is necessary. You deserve love and to be understood. People here can help as well. Ive felt as you do and it pains me to recall it, and to think you are going through those feelings now. It really sucks and i hope you can gather the strength to get the help you need. I hope you feel better. Be nice to yourself. Please.

Steve.

[psycholuigiman]

Logan, high school is one of the worst places in the first world countries that almost everyone goes to at some point in life. It's only gotten worse as time has marched on. I promise that you aren't the only person who feels this way and I implore you to seek these other people out. Share your experiences with them in as much detail as you are able to. You can probably find some on this forum. Maybe you will find some comfort in sharing your experiences with people going through similarly bad times.

I remember when I was finishing up high school in 2010. My school was mostly run by cynical adults who believed in punishing the entire school for the transgressions of a few stupid kids. I'll never forget how we weren't allowed to use the bathroom because some kids were caught having sex in one. We were only allowed to go in between classes, which always resulted in tardiness and some form of punishmnt. Some teachers told us to give up on our long term goals because "None of you have what it takes to accomplish anything after high school". I remember 30 minute lunch breaks in an overcrowded cafeteria where we spent 27 of those minutes in line just to get a lukewarm meal that we'd have to eat as fast as possible (I ended up just skipping lunch every day my senior year). Teachers intentionally coordinating their test schedules so that you have 3 - 6 tests in one week that you have to study for. Assigning 2 - 3 pages  of  homework and expecting it be done and turned in the next day, with no thought or consideration for the possibility of other homework assignments from other classes or extracurricular activities that demand more time after school in exchange for a better grade (choir sometimes made me stay until 7:00pm). Then you get home, barely have time to eat before needing to do homework. If you're fast, you might finish before midnight just to go straight to bed and start all over again at 6:00am. Of course, it's not enough just to survive for some people. Some people expect you to excel in this hell. Get those perfect scores or have your forms of entertainment revoked on the weekends.

Now that was what it was like in 2010. I know for sure that it's only gotten worse over the years based on what I've heard from the two good teachers I keep in contact with and a handful of younger friends. I didn't even mention how it feels like you're going crazy all alone when you look around and see everyone enjoying themselves without a care in the world or doing well without even a hint of anxiety. Please, Logan don't do this to yourself. I promise things can and will get better someday. I'd bet my life on that claim (and that's not something I say lightly). Do whatever it takes to survive until then. It will be worth it. It will always be worth it. Get creative, and if you can't be creative naturally, then get desperate and then you'll stumble into creativity. Most of all, talk to people who understand the struggle to some extent. I'm here for you if you want to talk privately. The rest of the forum is here for you. I wish you all the best of luck. Shine on, Logan.

[Logan Sims]

12 hours ago, psycholuigiman said:

Logan, high school is one of the worst places in the first world countries that almost everyone goes to at some point in life. It's only gotten worse as time has marched on. I promise that you aren't the only person who feels this way and I implore you to seek these other people out. Share your experiences with them in as much detail as you are able to. You can probably find some on this forum. Maybe you will find some comfort in sharing your experiences with people going through similarly bad times.

I remember when I was finishing up high school in 2010. My school was mostly run by cynical adults who believed in punishing the entire school for the transgressions of a few stupid kids. I'll never forget how we weren't allowed to use the bathroom because some kids were caught having sex in one. We were only allowed to go in between classes, which always resulted in tardiness and some form of punishmnt. Some teachers told us to give up on our long term goals because "None of you have what it takes to accomplish anything after high school". I remember 30 minute lunch breaks in an overcrowded cafeteria where we spent 27 of those minutes in line just to get a lukewarm meal that we'd have to eat as fast as possible (I ended up just skipping lunch every day my senior year). Teachers intentionally coordinating their test schedules so that you have 3 - 6 tests in one week that you have to study for. Assigning 2 - 3 pages  of  homework and expecting it be done and turned in the next day, with no thought or consideration for the possibility of other homework assignments from other classes or extracurricular activities that demand more time after school in exchange for a better grade (choir sometimes made me stay until 7:00pm). Then you get home, barely have time to eat before needing to do homework. If you're fast, you might finish before midnight just to go straight to bed and start all over again at 6:00am. Of course, it's not enough just to survive for some people. Some people expect you to excel in this hell. Get those perfect scores or have your forms of entertainment revoked on the weekends.

Now that was what it was like in 2010. I know for sure that it's only gotten worse over the years based on what I've heard from the two good teachers I keep in contact with and a handful of younger friends. I didn't even mention how it feels like you're going crazy all alone when you look around and see everyone enjoying themselves without a care in the world or doing well without even a hint of anxiety. Please, Logan don't do this to yourself. I promise things can and will get better someday. I'd bet my life on that claim (and that's not something I say lightly). Do whatever it takes to survive until then. It will be worth it. It will always be worth it. Get creative, and if you can't be creative naturally, then get desperate and then you'll stumble into creativity. Most of all, talk to people who understand the struggle to some extent. I'm here for you if you want to talk privately. The rest of the forum is here for you. I wish you all the best of luck. Shine on, Logan.

There must be people like me at school. Our education system is a disgusting thing. I'm in English class right now as I type this. I was sick on Friday and now I'm expected to have five works cited cards for a research paper done with page numbers in 43 minutes. I'm not going to make it through any of this. I'm better off with a knife in my throat. The school is starting a group for students against self destructive decisions. It probably won't be fast enough to make a difference for people like me. I'm in a fast downward spiral and I'm bound to break eventually. With stressing school assignments and happy people all around me while I'm always miserable. I'm not going to survive this. This school will drive me to commit suicide. This school will literally drive me to my own death. No counseling or I love yous from family are going to change that I'm afraid. I'm broken, and I cannot be fixed. There is no hope for me. I've seen and been through too much. I see my father covered in blood everytime I close my eyes. I think of the Elementary school that I hated at the time but miss so badly now. I miss my friends from that school. I miss my grandfather. I miss when life mattered. I don't think I can do this anymore. The burden is becoming far too much to bare...

[Oscar K]

The depression forum crew want nothing but the best for you. 

Please don't despair and don't give up on yourself.

The people around you who seem happy may not be quite so well.

You have untapped strength and cleverness to endure your ordeal.

We are here for you to unload your burdens.

We have all been through hell and we can take whatever you dump on us.

So dump away.

Oscar 

[Logan Sims]

29 minutes ago, Oscar K said:

The depression forum crew want nothing but the best for you. 

Please don't despair and don't give up on yourself.

The people around you who seem happy may not be quite so well.

You have untapped strength and cleverness to endure your ordeal.

We are here for you to unload your burdens.

We have all been through hell and we can take whatever you dump on us.

So dump away.

Oscar 

I let it out all the time. It doesn't usually help.

[Floor2017]

23 minutes ago, Logan Sims said:

I let it out all the time. It doesn't usually help.

We are here for you my friend and talking 

about it helps more than you really are 

giving it credit.  So, don’t hesitate my

friend and let it out.  Hang in there my 

and we care about you.  

[Rattler6]

22 hours ago, JellyThou said:

It is a modern designed slavery system decorated with glittering lights and beautiful words.

The basis of this slavery system comes from the essence of the capitalist order. The boundaries of capitalism are dictated by the mode of governance. The modern slavery system, one of the most sensitive and rising technology and the most sensitive issues in the globalized world, is the reality that is manifested in the poor and the workers.

It is one of the biggest problems of the globalizing world and undesirable constructs. this fiction is about exploiting the low-income sector and making the high-income comfortable. It is a growing entity that is benefiting from the bad conditions of the people in need of income and economically difficult.

That is crap and off topic

[Rattler6]

Hey Logan.  Are you in college or high school? If college is so bad.  Perhaps it is time for a break.  

Never give up hope.  If you fail just try again after you have learned the lesson(s) of that failure.