Newbie question - can I expect antidepressants to get me completely back to “normal”?

[ChopinLover]

Hello, friends -

As some of you know, I’m a newbie here and a newbie to depression. Depression is my only diagnosis.

My depression is the result of trauma from a bad accident 6 months ago.

I have been taking Wellbutrin XL 150 for 10 days. The only unpleasant days were 2 - 5 or 6. I’ve felt pretty well the last few days, except for a slump this afternoon. I will see my doctor next week to review my progress.

Here is my question.  I know the answer probably depends on different variables; but can or should I expect to eventually feel as good as I felt before my depression took hold? 

I want to believe the answer is “yes.” I appreciate anyone taking the time to respond.

ChopinLover

[womanofthelight]

Just some thoughts . . . I've been taking Wellbutrin XL300 for . . . more than a year now, at least.  Are you getting any talk therapy?  The pill doesn't do all the work.  Your "Normal" can only be determined by you, and how you feel, not just day to day, but long enough to have been on the medication to feel a rise in spirits, and an eventual leveling off.  The "leveling off" is your new Normal.  This "rise in spirits" could feel enough like a kind of euphoria and "What did I think I was depressed about?" confidence to make you think you should stop taking the drug.  The real test is what you are able to express and heal with the help of a good therapist.  Antidepressants and therapy go well hand in hand. 

Best wishes to you, ChopinLover (love your name)

WOTL

[ChopinLover]

Hi womanofthelight,

Thanks for your response!

Yes, I am getting talk therapy, too. The therapist was highly recommended to me and I think she’s a good fit. I knew a double-pronged approach would be the best.

I’m guessing my doctor will want to increase my dosage to 300 when I see him next week. 

Your explanation is very helpful. A “leveling off after a rise in spirits”  is easy to understand. I realize that I am still at a very early stage in this process, but now that I’m over the initial “getting used to” the drug, I couldn’t help but wonder if it is at all realistic to expect to some day feel really good again after feeling so bad. 

Thanks again! I look forward to doing the work I need to do to get back to being myself. 

ChopinLover

 

 

[BeyondWeary]

Hi ChopinLover! Maybe ask your therapist about EMDR therapy as it helps a lot with trauma. I think that with therapy and meds you could get back to feeling almost like you did before since it isn't long term depression. However, that may not be 100% since your accident, I would think, has a major impact on your life. Yet I believe healing is possible in your case and you have a good attitude.

[ChopinLover]

Thanks, BeyondWeary! EMDR therapy is on my list of items to bring up with her during my next visit.

 I think you’re right about maybe not shooting for feeling exactly like I felt before the accident.

It’s much more realistic to aim for ChopinLover 2.0 - you know, like a new version of Windows. It will be different from the old version,  better in some ways, maybe not in other ways, but moving forward instead of focusing on the  good ole days.

There is no reason I can’t have a beautiful life again, even if I have some scars from the accident. I will gladly settle for just feeling good again. It doesn’t have to be perfect.

ChopinLover

 

[June322]

21 hours ago, ChopinLover said:

Hello, friends -

As some of you know, I’m a newbie here and a newbie to depression. Depression is my only diagnosis.

My depression is the result of trauma from a bad accident 6 months ago.

I have been taking Wellbutrin XL 150 for 10 days. The only unpleasant days were 2 - 5 or 6. I’ve felt pretty well the last few days, except for a slump this afternoon. I will see my doctor next week to review my progress.

Here is my question.  I know the answer probably depends on different variables; but can or should I expect to eventually feel as good as I felt before my depression took hold? 

I want to believe the answer is “yes.” I appreciate anyone taking the time to respond.

ChopinLover

I think what you should expect is some sort of stability that you didnt have before. Its not going to completely fix everything but it should be able to provide you with enough stability to take the next necessary steps for you to continue to get better. 

[Oscar K]

I have a different take on depression.

To me it's a natural condition, a natural formation and a natural resource.

I try to employ metaphors or as I like to call them: MEDaphors.

Depression plays very nasty tricks on our psyches so I think we should play a few clever tricks right back.

I use a cave metaphor because it has many useful implications.

Anyway maybe this is some appetizing food for thought.

Oscar 

[ChopinLover]

Thank you, June and Oscar. You have both given me food for thought.

Today is day 12 on Wellbutrin. I have occasional flashes of feeling better, but they are fleeting. I understand that it takes weeks to really start seeing a difference.

Meanwhile, I am turning down invitations from friends because it’s so hard for me to get out and be social. A girlfriend invited me to lunch and a movie today. I told her I thought I could manage the movie but not both. I don’t think she liked my answer, but it would be pushing it to even do the movie, much less lunch too.

I hate feeling like this. And I hate that I am just basically waiting for the meds to make me feel better. But it is what it is.

ChopinLover

[Lynn1954]

I have a very positive answer for you.

Yes, it's reasonable to expect that the anti-depressants can get you completely back to "normal".

It's not a guarantee, and you must also allow time to provide the remaining 20% healing of the physical injuries from your accident.

You are a person who was never previously prone to depression.  Also, it appears that you never previously had serious physical injuries or illnesses.

Serious physical injuries are difficult to handle, and during the time that your physical body is affected, your mind is also affected.  It's depressing to deal with physical injuries, and depressing to wait for time to heal.

So you are in a classic "situational depression", which is highly likely to improve disappear as your physical condition improves.

So, yes, take the Wellbutrin and expect to feel better at some point over the next 4 to 6 weeks.

Then, longer term, as your remaining physical troubles heal, you'll return to your old self before the accident.

In the meantime, be patient and kind to yourself.

[ChopinLover]

Hi, Lynn!

You are correct that I was not previously prone to depression, and that I have never previously had a serious illness or injury. 

You are also correct that it is difficult to wait to heal. Sometimes I run into people I haven’t seen in a while and they are always amazed at how quickly I’ve healed and how “good” I look. 

Instead of making me feel better, these comments depress me even more because I know the invisible pain and discomfort I’m still suffering and I wonder if some issues will ever fully resolve.

Then I feel guilty, because I know others have much worse pain to deal with and because I’m lucky to be alive (I get reminded of that a lot, too). 

But none of that changes the absolute misery I feel every day.

Going to the movies today was torture. I kept looking at my watch and wondering when I could finally go home. It’s like I’m a completely different person, someone who is no longer comfortable in her own skin.

I appreciate the reassurance that I can expect to feel better soon, and still better as I continue to heal. I hope and pray I can someday look back on this time and have as much trouble remembering what deep depression feels like as I am now having remembering what joy and happiness feel like.

ChopinLover

 

[Steveab63]

Fwiw i was on Wellbutrin for years and it worked really well for me. It has minimal side effects except maybe some really weird dreams. I hope it works as well for you as it did for me.

[ChopinLover]

Thanks, Steve! I’m very hopeful that it will work for me, too. I’m so tired of feeling bad every day.

[Tesla]

It's been my experience with mental illness that you never get "back to normal," but that's fine because that's not what recovery is about. Recovering from a mental illness is about creating a new normal. A healthier normal. One where the medication gets you to the point where you can use your skills to cope in healthy and effective ways with everyday problems. Don't try to go back. Focus on moving forward and making things better than they were.

~Tesla

[Epictetus]

Hi ChopinLover,

    How are you doing today?

     A painful bout of tendinitis in both hands prevented me from responding to you post earlier.  Sorry!   I suffered severe depression for many years and medication has helped me tremendously especially for the last 20+ years.  I tend to see "normal" as less of a point than as a kind of continuum or like a spread in the middle of a bell curve if that makes any sense.  In that sense, medication has helped me feel normal for over 20 years.  Can't speak for others though.

     Your screen name brings back a lot of memories for me since I played a lot of Chopin pieces when I was able to play the piano.  Do you like Chopin?

[ChopinLover]

Hi Epictetus,

Funny you should ask...but I’m glad you asked. 

My accident happened on a Sunday afternoon, so sometimes Sundays are hard for me. After feeling pretty good for a few days, I’m feeling quite low today. It’s difficult to get a glimpse of feeling better, then to crash, so to speak. Today is my 20th day on Wellbutrin XL 150. 

One reason I feel bad today is because I hardly slept last night. I’m planning to take Benadryl tonight. Hopefully that will help get me back on track.

I’m so glad to hear that medication has helped you and look forward to feeling better on a more consistent basis myself. 

Yes, Chopin is probably my favorite composer. I have played lots of his preludes, waltzes, mazurkas, and nocturnes, plus a ballade or two. One of the most awful parts of my depression is the lack of desire to play my piano. Before my accident and the resulting depression, I used to play several hours every day. I hope the desire returns because I bought an expensive piano a couple of months before my accident and I will be paying for it for several more years.😁

Have you always lived in New Mexico? It’s one of my favorite places.

Thanks for checking on me. 

ChopinLover

 

 

 

[Atra]

Hello ChopinLover and welcome! 

I understand you're presently struggling with symptoms and I want you to know I get how difficult it is just get through the day. Symptom remission and relapse is a typical aspect of depression. With help from medication, therapy and your willingness to reach out for advice and assistance I have no doubt you'll learn the skills to help you manage your symptoms. Like physical recovery, it's a process and the first skill to employ is to be patient with yourself. Congratulations for the steps you've taken so far!

I sense you're frustrated and a little disappointed that depression keeps you from enjoying activities and socializing. That's a very common aspect of the illness. Do be compassionate with yourself. I think the decisions you made concerning the invitation to lunch and a movie demonstrated knowledge of your limitations as well as courage to test those limitations - and this I admire. When I began struggling with depression, I isolated. Confused by my moods and the expectations of friends, family and my sweetheart, I could not express how I felt. But when I finally did I discovered that those closest to me accepted "the new me", limitations and all. They were just happy to have me in their lives and I bet those who love you will be too. 

My best,

Atra

 

[ChopinLover]

Hi Atra!

Thanks for the vote of confidence. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever dealt with in my life, including caregiving for both parents and my only sibling prior to their deaths. 

I was a completely different person before my accident and the resulting depression. 

Yes, it frustrates me that there are so many hobbies and interests that I enjoyed before my accident that I can’t seem to enjoy now. I have some wonderful friends and they have been very understanding, but it’s embarrassing to turn down social invitations because I have so much trouble getting out and just relaxing and having a good time. 

But you are correct; the people in my life who really count are very accepting and understanding about my situation. Sometimes I think I fail to give myself enough credit. My accident was quite traumatic and most of my friends are happy just to see me alive and well, walking without assistance, and looking healthy, despite a fairly significant weight loss. When I think about what I’ve been through, I am actually doing quite well. 

Thank you so much for reaching out to me and reminding me to be good to myself. 

ChopinLover

 

[Oscar K]

Hi Ms. Chopin Lover,

I mentioned earlier I invoke a cave metaphor for depression.

In nature caves are formed by erosion,stress,upheaval. 

Does that sound familiar?

I believe we all have a deep, dark cavernous makeup.

Of course not everyone falls into and gets trapped within oneself.

Your accident opened a metaphorical fissure in your psyche.

Now that you have this metaphorical cave it really can be a blessing in disguise.

A cave can be great for temporary shelter but not so great for long-term residence.

The deep, dark pits of a cave can be used to store or consign as much negativity as possible.

Maybe you can think of your depression cave as a super, secret, temporary hideaway.

Temporary sheltered hideaway.

The idea is to be clever with Old Man Depression.

Keep posting.

Every post is a cathartic rung up the ladder out of the depression cave.

Oscar

[ChopinLover]

On 10/23/2018 at 11:58 AM, Oscar K said:

 

Your accident opened a metaphorical fissure in your psyche.

Now that you have this metaphorical cave it really can be a blessing in disguise.

A cave can be great for temporary shelter but not so great for long-term residence.

The deep, dark pits of a cave can be used to store or consign as much negativity as possible.

Maybe you can think of your depression cave as a super, secret, temporary hideaway.

Temporary sheltered hideaway.

The idea is to be clever with Old Man Depression.

Oskar,

This is really profound. I’m having trouble seeing this dark cave as a blessing in disguise, but it makes sense to try to “consign as much negativity as possible” there.

 I’m afraid I haven’t yet learned to be clever with Old Man Depression. But I’m trying.

Thank you for taking the time to lend your experience and wisdom!

ChopinLover