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Nissala

Been here before but its been awhile....

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I've been here before but its been awhile. I'm still having major issues with anxiety and depression. I think I've been on pretty much every available medication the only one that seem to help some is too expensive so I'm starting over trying to find something that will work. I feel like a guinea pig at this point and it takes so long to see if the meds work I just feel like giving up. I don't enjoy anything anymore, hell I can't remember the last time I actually felt a little joy, or laughed, everything is so serious in my head and negative, I just want it to stop!! :-(

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Unhappy to hear you're not happy.

The deep, dark, dangerous depression cave is not a place to wander around blindly.

It's important to recognize the metaphorical nature of depression.

There is a way out but it does take work.

I find turning my back to the abyss works quite well for me.

My depression cave is always there so I must put it to use because it ain't going away anytime soon.

It really does help to keep posting your thoughts and feelings on this awesome forum.

We will try to help.

Oscar

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Welcome back, Nissala! Sorry that you are having such a hard time. Meds can be so frustrating! I, too, have tried many and am still working on that. So I feel for you. Hope you can find support here to help you through this. 

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2 hours ago, Nissala said:

I've been here before but its been awhile. I'm still having major issues with anxiety and depression. I think I've been on pretty much every available medication the only one that seem to help some is too expensive so I'm starting over trying to find something that will work. I feel like a guinea pig at this point and it takes so long to see if the meds work I just feel like giving up. I don't enjoy anything anymore, hell I can't remember the last time I actually felt a little joy, or laughed, everything is so serious in my head and negative, I just want it to stop!! 😞

Hi, Nissala!

I know it’s frustrating trying to find the right medication(s) for your particular chemistry. 

Don’t give up! With every try, you are getting closer to something that works for you. When that happens, you will be even closer to feeling joy again. It’s hard to think positive when you are depressed, but just know this is a process and you will get there.

ChopinLover

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It is so good that you are reaching out on this forum.  Here there are people who understand your struggles and are here for you.  I am sorry the medication that helps is too expensive.  It does take a long time to find the right medication and it is understandable at times to feel like a guinea pig. Have you discussed with your doctor about other options of the medication that helps? Like a generic brand? Or vouchers? Do you see a therapist? Medication will help with the chemical imbalance, however, it is important to get counseling, to learn strategies on coping with depression, as well as, the root to your depression.  I learned with my depression I was too hard on myself.  I had to give myself a break and learn to find the things I enjoy.  There are things you do enjoy, though during depression it is hard to see them.  I will be praying that you find those things you enjoy and make time for them.  Also, don't be hard on yourself, depression is an illness and giving yourself a break and not being hard on yourself is very important. Please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing. We are here for you.  Hugs!

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Caring2018 Thank you for your response. To answer your questions I have discussed other options with my doctor and I've tried at least 10 medications that haven't worked. I even discussed ECT (Electro shock therapy) but she doesn't want to go there yet. I feel that desperate. I am on disability so have medicare and most vouchers won't help cover medicines for those on it. I am seeing a new therapist tomorrow and the doctor again Friday. Praying hard something can be done to alleviate at least the overwhelming thoughts so I can function. 

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On ‎10‎/‎9‎/‎2018 at 12:20 PM, Nissala said:

I've been here before but its been awhile. I'm still having major issues with anxiety and depression. I think I've been on pretty much every available medication the only one that seem to help some is too expensive so I'm starting over trying to find something that will work. I feel like a guinea pig at this point and it takes so long to see if the meds work I just feel like giving up. I don't enjoy anything anymore, hell I can't remember the last time I actually felt a little joy, or laughed, everything is so serious in my head and negative, I just want it to stop!! 😞

You sound just like me and the sad part about it I actually thought my feelings

were normal until I started taking my nieces to see the therapy.  I just thought

I was a very serious guy about life.  But now with meds I actually have a really

good sense of humor now.  If it happen to me it can also happen to you  :hugs:

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Nissala, like you, I live a joyless existence. I have experienced two previous major depressions and both those times I responded very well to treatment.  This, my third episode has been going on for more than a year, with no respite, regardless of the meds and med combos my psychiatrist has put me on. I believe that I have now become treatment resistant and that notion is exacerbating my condition even further. I’m sorry to hear the meds that might do the trick for you are unaffordable, but must add that my medical insurance covers whatever is Rxd for me  -  even the very expensive drugs, but irrespective of cost / price, they still don’t work. 

How to slay the dragon? How to find the magic bullet? Gosh, I’m so despondent and sure you are too. 

It’s hard to find hope when there simply is none!

I wish you well. Let us know how you are doing.

hugs

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 Hi Nissala,

My prayers are with you as you go to see the new therapist and doctor.  I am praying you will receive guidance on what to do to get better.  I believe you will get some results.  Changing our thoughts is so important. I am glad you are praying.  God will give you the strength you need to get better.  Finding other things to focus on is the answer.  Find the things that bring you pleasure.  It is hard at first, but over time you will find things to enjoy. Please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing.  Blessings!

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On 10/11/2018 at 3:47 PM, Floor2017 said:

You sound just like me and the sad part about it I actually thought my feelings

were normal until I started taking my nieces to see the therapy.  I just thought

I was a very serious guy about life.  But now with meds I actually have a really

good sense of humor now.  If it happen to me it can also happen to you  :hugs:

Thank you for the hopeful statement. I pray every day for a miracle. :hugs:

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Glad you are back and seeking help.  We think we can get better on our own, yet in reality, we need the help of others.  We understand and are here for you.  Continuing to struggle is frustrating, especially when we feel like we are trying so hard to get better.  Seeing a Christian therapist was an avenue I have taken which has given me hope.  It was a safe place to vent, cry, scream, and at times laugh.  She made me believe my sadness was temporary...and through various strategies (i.e. exercise, prayer, support groups, work, Bible studies, changing my thinking so my behaviors started to change...) I am better.  I believe I am enough, I am loved, I am supported.  So are YOU!  Praying for you today, my friend.

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