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Wrecked1234

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I have a friend whom I've been friends with for 20 years now.  He was the best man at my wedding 7 years ago and before that we were best friends and did everything together.  He never had much friends growing up with times I remember I was his only friend.  Over the last 5 years he's made a lot of friends though and I kind of feel like I come last now over everyone he knows.  

I've been working out of town lots over the past 7 years or so but have always stayed in touch with him and called him up to do stuff.  Last few months though I have had a rough time.  My girlfriend of 4 years who I met after my divorce broke up with me and moved out recently and shortly after I got laid off from work due to the project shutting down.  It's really hit me hard since I won't be able to keep the house and will lose my equity in it if I sell due to housing prices crashing with it being a bad recession.  Coupled with the fact that my girlfriend is gone and I don't have that many friends due to being rather quiet and being away at work all the time I lost touch with a lot of people except for this friend.  I have made some good work friends but they live far away some on the other side of the world so it's always been hard to keep in touch when a project finishes and you move on to the next.

This past week with the project ending unexpectantly and being out of work at home by myself with my girlfriend gone in this large empty house that I don't know what I'm going to do I've been in really bad shape.  Even started thinking of ending it.  I tried getting ahold of my friend, let him know what happened and asked if he could come over or if we could meet up somewhere to talk.  He hasn't been able to meet up with me or come ove for the past week since he has other things going on.  Movies, clubs house parties etc and texts me back several days after rather than calling me back.  I don't like to look weak but he was my friend for 20 years so I opened up to him and just confided to him via a text message since I couldn't get ahold of him and told him that I was in really bad shape and really hurt over everything that happened.  I told him that I felt like my world was ending and really needed a friend to talk to and if he could give me a call.  He did get back to me via text message but just said he has plans tomorrow And over the weekend but doesn't know what's happening next week.

Im a little bit hurt that I've been his friend all these years and that I opened up and reached out to him but he doesn't seem to care now that he's made new friends.  Just kind of always figured that he of all people would be there for me as my oldest friend if something bad happened.  It's really made me relook at our friendship.

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I guess I'm looking for advice on what I should do whether it be still maintaining the friendship with him since I've known him so long even though I put in all the effort to stay in touch or if I would be better off just losing him as a friend after all these years since it feels like he really doesn't care about me and has other friends now.

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I'm sorry to hear about your old friend Wrecked, but it sounds like your old friend

has moved on with his life.  These kind of things happen a lot in this day and age.

People just don't seem to value things that should be priceless, I know exactly

what you are going through.  I lost my cousin who my mother raised and he was

like my oldest brother that I never had.  So, I thought we would be close forever,

but once he got married he distance himself from his whole family.  It really hurt

me bad and it took so many years for me to get over it.  So, please try to move

on with your life I know it want be easy just take it one day at a time.  Yes, you

can still contact him but do not expect much from him.  Hang in their my new

friend.  We are family here and post as much as you need too my friend.  

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Seems to me that he never really was the friend you thought he was, just needed you as you need him now. I'm sorry that you are going through an extremely hard time. As we all do at times you may need extra help from your pdoc if you are seeing one if not you may think about it. When I lost my main residence for similar reasons I too had an extremely hard time but in the end I concentrated on changing things, changing my priorities, which meant my mental health. Please try not to think about ending things but about your mental health. There are good people out there who are or will be a true friend. And we are here for you, to encourage, vent or whatever we can do from here.

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Thanks for your feedback.  I'm not seeing a therapist to talk things threw but I think I'll try to find one since I think I need one.  The past year has been hard I lost my dog and cat to old age, I had a really good friend I met at work that I knew for 7 years who past away from stage 4 lung cancer that spread, grand mother passed away last summer and still hurting from my dad who passed away from heart failure a few years ago.  He wasn't very old only 67 with two months to retirement.  The recent job and the girlfriend loss feels like it pushed me over and broke something inside me.  The friend now kind of feels like a loss to.  The one thing I really miss about my dog was that he was always there for me and only death took him away.  That's what I love about dogs they are always loyal and your friend to the end no matter what.

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So many significant personal relationship losses in such a short span is bound to feel crushing...lord, I know that doesn't even begin to describe it.  I'm encouraged you're considering therapy.

I'll go with @Floor2017 on this, for starters.  If your two furballs were bonded, yeah, it might be a good idea for you to rebuild some kind of family, starting with a similar mixed pair - no matter their age - who already get along.  You likely know all the reasons.  They're reliant on you for their care, sense of safety, etc.  They'll help you get out of yourself.  Their love is unconditional.

I'm a cat daddy.  More than once, particularly in the past 16 years, my  guys have kept me from doing myself in.

Edited by MarkintheDark
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Sorry about all all your losses, I know how devastating it is. There are days that are truly unbearable but in the end we have to make choices; do we give up, which really isn't a choice or do we find a way to go on. I've been around a long time and I count maybe 3 people who are real friends whom I've known for many years. Obviously I don't know you are the person who disappointed you but please consider this one thing: some people for whatever reason just can't deal with others in an unselfish way. They may want to but just can't. And I think you already know this, sometimes we are just better off with certain people in our lives. 

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Sorry this is going on... I can relate to you, bud. My childhood friend- just like your friendship- we was always with each other. When I had my first son, he has rarely talked to me. My son also had some health issues a year or so ago.. I needed a friend to be there for me and he was nowhere to be found. I am sorry this happened and want you to know that I am praying for you. I also found a link to some articles you may want to check out.     

Edited by 20YearsandCounting
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