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Does therapy or counselling help?


nirah007

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I had another argument with my Husband.. he insists counselling doesn’t help cos they are a bunch of money-sucking people and they say things which he himself have told me many many times and if I don’t want to improve, no matter what other people advise n teach me, I will never change and I’ll just be throwing my money away. He went crazy when he found out I “throw” MY money into counselling. Then he insists he doesn’t want to talk to me since I’m going counselling I can talk to her about all my problems and I don’t need to talk to him about my problems at all. And it hurts. How am I suppose to live together with him if I can’t talk to him at all?? And now I’m in office trying to work but it’s hard to focus cos of our conversation this morning :tear2:

Edited by nirah007
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Well, you're both kind of right. If you go to therapy and dont put in the work yourself, it can be a waste of money. The therapist guides, he doesnt fix. But the therapist also has more experience guiding you through your issues than the general public so it can be quite valuable. The fact that your husband doesnt want to contribute, or go along isnt helpful as you implied. It sucks when people that are close to you dont 'get it' about this mental health stuff.

Maybe go to the therapist and start with discussing your mate's attitude. Maybe the therapist can offer suggestions to get him on board.

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Sorry that you are suffering so. That's a difficult place to be. Your husband sounds like he has some major issues and they are not really about you. Hurt people, hurt other people without thinking. What you are doing is a very good thing to do. Keep at it and let us know how you are doing.

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Sorry that you are going through this.  If your therapist is good and you do the work outside of your sessions then yes therapy is worth it.  And whether or not you have a therapist you still need to be able to rely on your spouse to talk about your joys and struggles.  If not then wtf is the point of marriage?  You are either sharing your life with someone or you aren't. 

Edited by jsop4
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Hi Nirah,

Hope things are easing up for you.  My experience with counseling hasn't been extensive, but on and off for lots of years.  How effective they may be depends of course on you, and them.  Like some docs, some counselors whatever their rank, are just punching  clock.  They have a script they've been following for years, and they conclude a session by declaring you're making headway.  Others listen, and if you--or anyone--can be honest with themselves, then they can be invaluable. 

Generally, those provided by government health services are clock punchers, and they check off some boxes saying you have had no recent thoughts of hurting yourself or others, etc.  My last was a "TV" psychiatrist, and I met her once, onscreen live from her kitchen.  Then she quit the job, doubtless because the local agencies don't have the funds to keep credentialed professionals. 

For me, it's like ads for the friendlier service you'll receive from "X" bank or chain fast food:  it just depends on the individual.  You need to be able to find one that is compatible with you, and you need to be ready to move on if you find that, for you, help has not been coming.

Again, for me, my experiences have not been productive.  I've gotten equal or better council from my doctor, or a fellow sufferer in the waiting room.  I appreciate others have had much better results, and think that the more extreme your problems, the more immediate and needed advice can be offered.  Good luck.

Bulgakov

Edited by Bulgakov
confusion from bad spelling
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