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God, I keep fighting

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Hi everyone, I'm very new to this and have never posted on line before,well apart from twitter! 

I'm a 45 year old woman married to Chris for 11 years.I live in a small place in maghull in liverpool. 

Together we have a blended family of three children. 

The reason why I wanted to join is because I can't cope.

Ten years ago I married Chris I love him so much .9 months later we Had our first girl together. 

Then everything went wrong.I developed sepsis and was in a coma for three weeks. 

Since then then we've struggled financially .due to sepsis I can't remember anything about any thing. 

I have a very difficult relationship with my parents and family. My parents love me but are too crital of me.

I've now not seen them in three months as they hate my husband. 

One year ago Chris suffered two heart attacks. 

I've been through addiction for painkillers and sleeping tablets. 

Chris is no longer working and we might lose our house, it's mortgaged  so we don't get help.

We are also being chased by baliffs for non payment of concil tax for 2019.

We have no food on a regular basis or electricity or gas to heat the house.

The most thing that's upsetting me is I miss my parents and feel I can't go round there as they slag off my husband and will give a hard time when I go.

I'm on anti depression ser tramline 10mg but it's not working.

I'm also off subozone so that's hard too.

I buy sleepingpills so I can sleep but I still can't sleep.

At the moment we have 5.00 to last us till next week.

Am not suicidal as I couldn't do that to my daughter or hubby or our boys.

I just want someone to listen.thanks so much for taking the time to read this,and I hope everyone else on this site is doing ok.

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Welcome Beth! My heart goes out to you. Thanks for sharing so honestly. Hope you find some support here. Sorry that life is so hard for you now. Please keep coming back, reading other's posts, and posting yourself. We are a supportive community of people who share in the struggle. You are not alone.

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Just now, Epictetus said:

I also want to welcome you, Beth.  I am so very, very sorry that you are suffering ! ! !  It is really heartbreaking what you are enduring and have endured ! ! !  

- epictetus

Hi epic, ahh thankyou so much, I could cry right now,life's a bit right now,I hope ur doing ok??

I think I should of disguised my name!but that's me! Too open.thankyou so much for reaching out ,its wonderful, x

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Hi Beth, We are so glad you reached out on this forum. There are so many wonderful and supportive people hear who listen and encourage.  I am so sorry for all the things you are going through. My heart goes out to you.  I am not familiar with the rules in Liverpool.  I know in the US there is governmental help you can apply for.  I will be praying for you and your family.  You are a strong person and will be able to get through these tough times. Please continue to reach out and share, we are here for you.  God Bless and lots of hugs!

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👋 Beth, I’m sorry to hear that you are 

going through difficult times and I know 

what going without means.  Every month 

when I was a kid we would always run out 

of food before the month was out and we 

would have to find unique ways to feed 

everyone.  Hang in there my friend and I 

pray that the mercy of the Mighty One

touch your finances and your health so 

that your family might be able to get all

the things that your family stand in need

of.  When I sit down to eat with my family 

I will be thinking 🤔 and praying 🙏 for

yours as well 

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Hey floor, your very kind ,gosh I'm just flabbergasted the love on this forum is just wonderful. I know about God, he never ever let's me down,he's watching everything, I think he has a plan for me but I don't know what it is.

Thank you so much for  your heartfelt response, I made dinner this evening but told the kids I had already eaten as you do.god will provide when he's ready too.I think this is a test y know? Sorry for rambling on!

Blessings love health and light to you and your lovely family xxxxx 

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I will continue to pray for you.  I pray your husband heals. I know God will provide what you need. I am also glad that you have this forum to support you.  Reach out anytime. I am always available to listen.  Have a blessed week and I pray you get what you need this week for you and your family.  Blessings and hugs!

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Oh when you mentioned going off of suboxone, that in itself can be devastating for mood. In fact, for me, I was on opiates for about 4 years, and while I used them just as prescribed, they actually cured my major depressive disorder, during that time. Except when it was time to go off of them. Now, the cure is gone And my dark depression that has found no relief from anything else is back along with 

pain. This made me realize my depression is definitely from having my opiate receptors out of whack. Probably endogenous opioid dysregulation. So, you have so much going on in life on top of a strong chemical issue that can make your mood. It’s so rough. I can’t get out of bed Because of low mood from depression that a simple opiate takes care of. You have opiate withdrawals PLUS situational stressors. Not having money and food and worrying about basic needs along with the loss of Mom and Dad is a lot on your plate   

You aren’t alone. 

Glad to read things are starting to look up 

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