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Does anyone else take rejection really, really badly?


GoldenOne

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I am beginning to realize that, probably most of my life, I have always been really, really bad at handling rejection. I don't know why, but feeling rejected is probably the worst feeling in the world for me, and I am only starting to realize how bad it really is. That is probably why I fell into a downward spiral after my now ex girlfriend broke up with me. 

I am also learning how very important it is to surround yourself with people who like you for who you are and want to be with you. I think it is one of the best ways to increase your own self-esteem. When you are around people who you don't have chemistry with or for whatever reason aren't fond of you, it makes people feel bad about themselves, or maybe that is just me. I guess it could be just me, since I have a tendency to believe that other people rejecting me stems from me being "wrong". 

Anyway, does anyone recognize this? Feeling really, really awful when being rejected to the point where you feel depressed? 

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Oh, yes! Mine is more about abandonment. It is just awful and it does make me feel "wrong" and very depressed. You are very normal in how you feel. So sorry your relationship didn't work out. 🙁 You have some good insight about surrounding ourselves with people who accept us as we are.

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Yes, you are really onto something here because probably the majority

of us who suffers from depression or any other mental illness do not handle

rejection well.  I try really hard not to be rejected, when I was younger I would

break up in a relationship when I would begin to feel the pressure of the relationship

going South.  So, I would not have to be rejected or dropped like a hot potato.  Now

that I'm married I can not run from it so I have to try to manage my thoughts better

and just tell myself sometimes what I'm feeling is not real because all of the strong

signs that my wife love me are their regardless of what my mind might be telling me

because I'm not feeling being received.

Hang in there my friend and I'm praying for you to have a better day coming your

way when it comes to relationship building.  

 

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Oh definitely.  @BeyondWeary touched on one cause with which I can relate, abandonment.  Another in my case is being raised in a household where, as the only child, I was by default the target unrelenting criticism that, I learned later, were more an expression of my parents' own significant problems.  The criticism rarely had anything to do with me.  But, as children do, I took it to heart.  For the young, developing brain, I also learned that affected the way I was wired.

Though it often requires a conscious effort now, I can step back, evaluate the situation and usually assure myself it's NOT me despite my instant inclination to believe otherwise.  As you pointed out, sometimes it's as simple as chemistry.  Other times - had a particularly bad experience last winter - it's clearly THEM.  If the situation's especially bad, I've even sometimes been able to take the additional step, confront them, and speak my mind out loud:  "No.  It's not me.  It's you.  You're being an ass.  And I'm not gonna put up with it."

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Thanks for your replies.

I am trying to work on handling rejection better, but most of it is just emotionally. And I cant just make my hurt go away when I get rejected. So somewhere down the line, my feelings of hurt have to be less intense when I get rejected and abandoned. 

Like you guys, I am also deeply afraid of being abandoned. I said rejection, but I could easily have said abandon as well. It has always been with me, I think. I think most people feel terrible after rejection, but for some people it results in suicidal thoughts and depression, like in my case

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I think a lt of us are afraid of rejection. There are tons of posts about people afraid to talk to other people, or guys afraid to talk to a girl, all because of fear of rejection. Hell, i was lonely for years for that reason. It hurts but the alternative is hiding under a rock and never getting anywhere. Unfortunately it takes some of us a long time to figure that out.

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You could say I live my life in such a way that I avoid rejection and abandonment at all costs. I have no close friends, because I don't let anyone get close to me. Even my relationship with my husband is rocky. And I don't try to do things I think I'll be bad at. I've always quit when anything got tough. It's a really pitiful way to live.

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Heak yes! I think especially when someone has depression were used to isolating ourselves and not really putting ourselves out there because of the depression and anxiety and when we do put ourselves out there and were faced with Rejection it really hits us hard! I think we take it as a greater blow then most since other "normal" people know that rejection is normal and it happens because their used to having rejections and some success but for us to not put ourselves out there and when we do we get rejected it just hurts a little more 

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5 hours ago, evalynn said:

You could say I live my life in such a way that I avoid rejection and abandonment at all costs. I have no close friends, because I don't let anyone get close to me. Even my relationship with my husband is rocky. And I don't try to do things I think I'll be bad at. I've always quit when anything got tough. It's a really pitiful way to live.

Oh my This sounds like my first 30 years 

of life I ran from everything playing College 

Football, The Marine Corp and anything

that presented a major challenge 

in my life until one ☝️ day I woke up and 

said I’m not hiding or running any more.

Now I still feel that demon coming after 

me but I fight like hell not to surrender 

to it.

 

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