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wavesoflife

Sadness that is masked but never gone

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Anyone else experience this?

 

About once a month at least I just experience extreme sadness. I don't feel or act like myself.  I find joy in nothing, I feel anger...and sadness. I don't want to be around anyone, nor do I want to socialize. Almost a numb feeling.

Is followed by a lot of crying, or simply lashing out. Like I LITERALLY just want to be alone. I'll usually get super emotional and wanna talk to someone ASAP to calm down, but if I don't...or nobodys available...then I get into this shut down phase. WHere I either again go numb, cry a lot, etc but refuse/have no want to talk it out with people.

Normal depression feelings?

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Welcome wavesoflife! Yes, those do sound like depression symptoms to me. I have many of them that fluctuate through each week. You are not alone. This forum helps me to get grounded and connected. Then my head isn’t in such a crazy place alone. 

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Me for as long as I have remembered even as a child. Mostly I have become a loner now even though my job involves tons of people everyday (I’m a flight attendant). I long for silence so I can just sit down and cry myself to sleep or just cry. It’s hard living this way because it’s so exhausting but here I am, somehow still alive day after day. 

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Yes, as far back as I can remember I really didn't want to be around people

than there was a part of me wanted to have friends but didn't know how to

fit in with everyone else.  I would always be around a lot of people but just

like you described I would be there but not really socially engage in the environment

with my peers.  This might sound kind of crazy but it actually worked to my advantage

because my peers sold drugs and stole things from people that lived near by.  So, I

Just thought that I was making a good decision not to be around them but when I became

and adult I still was the same way and I could not use this as a excuse because now I

live and work around doctors, nurses and other professional in the hospital.  So, about

forty I finally realized something was not right with me when we adopted my two nieces

who have bipolar disorders and I noticed a lot of their symptoms in me.  So, after

years of taking them to the Psych doctor I began to get me something for my numb

feelings and my anti - social behavior.  So, yes I feel the pain and I understanding

all the things you want to do but your mind want allow you to be free as everyone

else to be able to enjoy your life and have a good social life with friends and co- workers.   

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I understand completely what you are saying. For me, it's easier in many ways to be alone than to have to pretend to be happy, etc. But then i recognize the being lone leads to loneliness much of the time but I am too tired emotionally and physically to do much about it. I LOATHE where I live and for circumstances I am not able to change, I have no choice but to make the best of where I'm at. People looking at my life from the outside wouldn't think it so bad..but everything I ever thought I was or would become..had eluded me and now, whether it's accurate or not, I feel like I'm just marking time. A life mostly wasted.

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The depression cave is so dangerous.

Getting lost and trapped inside of oneself is my description of depression.

The good news is that if there is a way into the depression cave there is a way out.

My approach is to place myself at the ENTRANCE/EXIT but with my back metaphorically turned to the abyss.

I find this forum to be very helpful with insights and meaningful support.

We just need to be there for each other and try not to leave anyone behind in their depression darkness.

Oscar

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44 minutes ago, Oscar K said:

The depression cave is so dangerous.

Getting lost and trapped inside of oneself is my description of depression.

The good news is that if there is a way into the depression cave there is a way out.

My approach is to place myself at the ENTRANCE/EXIT but with my back metaphorically turned to the abyss.

I find this forum to be very helpful with insights and meaningful support.

We just need to be there for each other and try not to leave anyone behind in their depression darkness.

Oscar

 Oscar, I’m extremely visual when it comes to learning and you have no idea how much the cave image helps me. I’m going to try to picture myself at the entrance or exit next time a wave of depression hits me. Thank you. 😌

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Dear wavesoflife,

Yes, I experience all of the things that you describe, and I feel exactly like you.

You're wondering is anyone else feels the same way that you feel.  Yes, I do.

Yes, these are symptoms of depression.

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MakeThePainGoAway,

You're very welcome.

Actually there more implications of the cave metaphor that I have found quite helpful over the years.

I can go into more detail if you are interested.

I have learned the power of metaphors and now I think of them as: MEDaphors.

Oscar

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31 minutes ago, Oscar K said:

MakeThePainGoAway,

You're very welcome.

Actually there more implications of the cave metaphor that I have found quite helpful over the years.

I can go into more detail if you are interested.

I have learned the power of metaphors and now I think of them as: MEDaphors.

Oscar

Yes, please share your knowledge.  🙂 

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2 hours ago, MakeThePainGoAway said:

Ha! Gynos never want to take PMDD seriously. It’s so annoying. 

Sorry your Dr doesnt think it's a thing. I know someone who was unbearable to be around, until she got some meds for it. I think it was a small dose of prozac...something like that. Worked wonders. 

Edited by Steveab63

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Okay here goes.

I think of depression as a natural condition / formation / resource.

In nature caves are formed by erosion,stress,upheaval. ( sound familiar ? )

If you try to figure out how a cave was created it won't change the cave. ( I compare this to endless therapy.)

A cave can be great for temporary shelter but not so great for long-term residence.

A cave can be useful for storage. Unwanted, unneeded, painful and harmful memories can be consigned or stored in deep and hopefully inaccessible pits.

Treasured memories and precious thoughts are best stored near the ENTRANCE/ EXIT.

Attempting to fill in a cave just creates a depression or hole somewhere else.

I constantly need remember the old adage: In a cave or any dark place it is better to light a (metaphorical candle) than to curse the (metaphorical darkness).

Anyway maybe this is some food for thought.

Oscar

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23 hours ago, Oscar K said:

Okay here goes.

I think of depression as a natural condition / formation / resource.

In nature caves are formed by erosion,stress,upheaval. ( sound familiar ? )

If you try to figure out how a cave was created it won't change the cave. ( I compare this to endless therapy.)

A cave can be great for temporary shelter but not so great for long-term residence.

A cave can be useful for storage. Unwanted, unneeded, painful and harmful memories can be consigned or stored in deep and hopefully inaccessible pits.

Treasured memories and precious thoughts are best stored near the ENTRANCE/ EXIT.

Attempting to fill in a cave just creates a depression or hole somewhere else.

I constantly need remember the old adage: In a cave or any dark place it is better to light a (metaphorical candle) than to curse the (metaphorical darkness).

Anyway maybe this is some food for thought.

Oscar

Omg that brought tears to my eyes because that’s so true!! I took a screenshot of it and I’m going to read it everytime I get discouraged. Thank you so much Oscar. I am so grateful. You have no idea. 

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LOved reading everyone's responses.

 

PHEW. IT FEELS GOOD to know I am NOT alone!!!! 🙂 it does...this is why i'm seeking out support/others who know the feeling.

 

What about anger? Gosh, I feel angry a LOT. It's horrid, seems to go with the depression?

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On ‎9‎/‎9‎/‎2018 at 1:01 PM, Steveab63 said:

If youre a woman, look up PMDD and ask your gyno. 

yes I am.

 

wow does describe me.

 

see i'm pregnant right now though and still experiencing it.. maybe it's around my period time? not sure.

but the pregnancy is making it worse.

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