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I'm really dealing with this alone, aren't I?


SheWrites

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I've had a really bad few weeks, and today it all seemed to come crashing down on me. I desperately need someone to talk to. I called friends, but they're either not around or too busy. I've been on hold with my employee assistance program, waiting to talk to a counselor, for more than 20 minutes. They keep playing recorded messages urging me to go to the emergency room. Is that mental health care in this country? People have to get to the point of wanting to hurt themselves before anyone will pay attention?

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I'm with you on the frustration and what sounds like complete exhaustion.  Sometimes it can only take a week of that kinda sh#t to put me in crisis.  If anything, I want to assure you you're not alone in this.  I'll try to give you a few specifics that may help:

 

If you can, focus on making it through the next hour or, frankly, next minute.

In speaking with my T a couple weeks ago - he was aware I'd been in crisis - he encouraged me that there's no shame in calling 911 or getting to an emergency room.  If you need a break, then you need a break, ok?

Another thing I've sometimes used, when calling the hotline doesn't work, is that I Google crisis lines no matter where they may be.  And I keep calling until I find someone who's willing to listen and let me cry it all out.

Of course, too, you've got your DF family here.  It may simply help to pour it all out right here in the thread.  Please keep posting.

 

 

Edited by MarkintheDark
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I'm sorry to hear that you do not feel so well right now.  Hang in there

my friend and let it all out here on the forum.  It usually help to clear

your mind of all the frustration that is bottle up inside of you.  We

understand and we will not judge you because we know how difficult

life can become and sometimes we all need someone to lean on or

a comforting word from a friend

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Thanks to you all for your support. Today was a little better, but tomorrow I have to go back to work, which is a big source of stress for me. I tried again to reach friends, but only heard back from one, who said she was too busy to talk but would try to call soon. It's just been a really bad year, and I have no idea how to turn things around. I wish I had someone to talk with, but everyone is always too busy. I'm tired of sitting here alone, trying to fight off the negative thoughts by myself.

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She writes,

I'm sorry to hear how bad things have been for you lately. Yes, trying to get a hold of doctors/ counseling offices can sure be a hassle sometimes.  You are not alone there. I am here to help you out along with others if you would like some one to listen or need encouragement or direction, we are here for you

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On ‎9‎/‎9‎/‎2018 at 9:08 PM, SheWrites said:

Thanks to you all for your support. Today was a little better, but tomorrow I have to go back to work, which is a big source of stress for me. I tried again to reach friends, but only heard back from one, who said she was too busy to talk but would try to call soon. It's just been a really bad year, and I have no idea how to turn things around. I wish I had someone to talk with, but everyone is always too busy. I'm tired of sitting here alone, trying to fight off the negative thoughts by myself.

I, too, struggle a lot with work stress. It can be so hard. What is helping me is taking more breaks and imagining I have an invisible shield around me that toxic things bounce off of and fly out the window. 

Yes, we are here for you. So if you want to PM me, please do so. I'm on this site most days for a time.

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Thanks again to everyone for your support. Today's starting out to be another bad day. I don't know why. I wish I did so I could do something to turn things around. A friend did call this morning, but she talked nonstop for a little more than 10 minutes about herself. Never asked how I'm doing or let me get a word in edgewise. Then she had to leave to run errands. I'm tired of only hearing from people when they want to talk about themselves. I'm tired of the stress at work. I'm tired of either being so depressed I can barely function or so numb I don't do anything. I feel like I've lost my life completely. I don't enjoy anything anymore. I have two cats that I used to love dearly, but now I barely interact with them. I have no one to talk to. I have no support system at all. I've tried calling hotlines, but since I'm not suicidal, they tell me to take a walk or watch a funny movie and try to find a counselor. Except that my insurance doesn't cover counseling, and I make too much money to qualify for a sliding-scale fee but not enough to be able to afford $100 a week out of pocket. Even if I could, I generally can't get away during business hours. Plus, it would be a couple of weeks before I could get in to see someone. What am I supposed to do in the meantime?

I'm tired of feeling this way. I'm tired of feeling this way. I'm tired of being depressed and overwhelmed. I've had a really bad year, and I can't seem to turn things around by myself, and I can't find anyone who can or will help. I've been fantasizing a lot lately about packing up some clothes and possession, tossing my cats in the car, and driving away. Just driving until we run out of gas, then taking whatever job I can find and starting over. Maybe I wouldn't screw things up so badly again ...

Sorry for the rant. It's just one of those days ... again ...

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SheWrites,

I totally know how you feel!!! I really do. I’m depressed but not suicidal.  But every where I turn I’m not depressed enough to get the help I need.

I have very few friends, I’m a single mom, work 6 days a week and find it hard to motivate myself to do all I need to in one day.  I do most things because I physically cannot stay in bed with a 5 year old.  I feel alone constantly and constantly looking for ways not to feel or be alone but I always wind up alone.

Im like you I have health insurance but don’t cover counselor and can’t afford $150 an hour in my area. 

With us being in same situation, let’s try to just get through one night. And in morning we can find strength to get through that morning.  

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8 hours ago, SheWrites said:

Thanks again to everyone for your support. Today's starting out to be another bad day. I don't know why. I wish I did so I could do something to turn things around. A friend did call this morning, but she talked nonstop for a little more than 10 minutes about herself. Never asked how I'm doing or let me get a word in edgewise. Then she had to leave to run errands. I'm tired of only hearing from people when they want to talk about themselves. I'm tired of the stress at work. I'm tired of either being so depressed I can barely function or so numb I don't do anything. I feel like I've lost my life completely. I don't enjoy anything anymore. I have two cats that I used to love dearly, but now I barely interact with them. I have no one to talk to. I have no support system at all. I've tried calling hotlines, but since I'm not suicidal, they tell me to take a walk or watch a funny movie and try to find a counselor. Except that my insurance doesn't cover counseling, and I make too much money to qualify for a sliding-scale fee but not enough to be able to afford $100 a week out of pocket. Even if I could, I generally can't get away during business hours. Plus, it would be a couple of weeks before I could get in to see someone. What am I supposed to do in the meantime?

I'm with you and I'm sorry you're going through this suffering. Your words hit home for me as well; your situation is probably the closest to mine out of all posts I've read here. Unfortunately, I haven't come up with real solutions, even though I know it's possible to feel better and get through this. You mentioned job stresses and living single as well, which can be potent fuel for depression when it takes over (otherwise these aspects are just part of life).

I really wish I could say or do something to help you find a way out of this, but it's hard to come up with any new ideas. As trite as it sounds, it helps to know that many others are dealing with the same sort of misery as well, even though I wouldn't wish this brand of pain upon my worst enemy.

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