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Not posted in a while.

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Hi all. I’ve not posted in a while. I’m still all over the place. I can’t forgive my self for my dads death. I’m in such a lonely dark place. Every day I plaster a smile on my face for the world to see but inside I feel dead. I have no friends,no money,nothing really. I’m married with a child. But my husband is one of them guys that says don’t worry it willl b ok when bills are piling up. My sister had a baby today and as ALWAYS my mum has rubbed in my face bout how great she is and is perfect. My sister has always been my mums favourite. As my mum left me when I was small and my dad bought me up TIL I was 17. Then I lived in a hostel where something terrible happened. I lived with mum for a while. But she has never hid the fact my sister is her favourite and can do no wrong. Even tho couple years ago she was taking Cocain. And sleeping with 2 different men. But now the new baby is here me and my child will get pushed out again as always. I just don’t think it’s fair. I just don’t no how much longer I can put a smile on I can feel the cracks appearing. My mum also has health conditions and I take care of her every day my sister does nothing but my mum still favours her and does everything she asks. 

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So sorry that you are in such a difficult place. Sounds very hurtful for you. It has helped me to put some distance between my self and people that are toxic to me. It can be easier said than done. Even if I just imagine I have a invisible shield around me and their hurtful words just bounce off and fly out the window, it helps. Also it helps to get some supportive people in my life. Hope you can do that too.

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