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What should I do?


alxdx

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Hi.

I don't know if I've come to the right place, but I need some advice.

I'm turning 25 this month, and I have no idea where am I going with my life. I'm shy, insecure and introverted. I don't have any friends and I've never had a girlfriend. I have no problems simply talking to people, but I am unable to forge lasting relationships - nobody ever calls me just to chat, and I generally avoid calling people myself. I'm rather distant with my family, even though I still live with them. Even on the Internet, I avoid talking to people. I have made several posts in various places recently, but I'm afraid to go back to them to read the responses. I'm always second-guessing myself, and I'm terribly afraid that people will hate me for what I say.

As a result, I have many issues I want to talk about, but no one who could provide emotional support.

In general, I lack motivation - I work hard only if I have made a commitment to somebody, since I don't want to dissapoint people. I have no problems going to work, but when it comes to personal life, I just sit in front of my computer all day. I want to do something - start exercising, learn to draw, learn programming, learn to play an instrument - but I can't keep on with it longer than a couple of days. I'm also slowly gaining weight and I hate myself for it. The only part of my life that I can be proud of is my career - I work in a large multinational company as a financial auditor, and I have been recently promoted to a second-grade assistant.

For the last three or so years I have been in depression. I'm taking antidepressants now, and I feel much better than before. I don't feel anymore soul-crushing despair and ******ous rage at the world that I used to feel. Still, this doesn't solve the core of the problem. My life feels empty and pointless, and I'm afraid that if I stop taking the pills, the depression will return.

What should I do?

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Welcome to our forum family.

If you read the many posts from our depressed members you'll find that "emptiness" is ever so common.

My response is always a reminder that the emptiness is metaphorical.

I have found that realizing this is a giant first step to finding the way out of the depression cave.

Our goal here is to not leave anyone behind in their depression darkness.

I'll not comment on your question about antidepressants because I never used them.

I do hope you'll stick with us find a comfortable home on this awesome forum.

Oscar

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I also want to welcome you to the Forums, Alxdx ! Hope you will find these Forums as helpful to you as they have been to me.  

You may not realize it, but your post helps me and many others here to feel less isolated and alone with our own personal anguish and pain.  That is not only a healing gift, but a life saving gift.  So I and we are profoundly grateful to you ! ! !  Hope we can be as helpful to you as you have been to us.  - epictetus

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Hi Alxdx, welcome to DF. Reading your post reminds me a lot of me. I suffer from social anxiety disorder, never had a girlfriend and I tend to be a loner. Also suffer from depression and some other things. Well my advice is to seek for psychotherapy, if you aren't seeing someone already. Living a lonely life can be real tough but there are ways you can crawl out of your isolation, and that is therapy and a lot of willpower. Maybe when you get a gf or more friends you will see there is no need for meds any longer. I always thought meds are like training wheels for some of us. So I don't think you necessarily need the meds to feel better, try making small changes in your life and you eventually get there, step by step.

Hope my message is useful in some way.

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I am really sorry for your depression, alxdx. It really is hard.
I can see, however, that there are a lot of things going for you. You have a great career, a job in a big company, probably good income. You really have no problem relating to people because you can talk to people. You are just shy and introverted but these are not really liabilities. These are part of who you are. To other people, these are actually strengths because these allow them to focus, be introspective and even become deep thinkers.

For now, it seems that insecurity is a hurdle for you and because you want to please everyone, it puts a lot of pressure on you to deliver. But we are humans and failure is part of life. So, for now, it might be hard to develop friendships or romantic relationships because you will feel bad when you don’t meet their expectations. Would you consider going to a local church and ask a pastor to help you and while you are there you might meet people who are down to earth and will love you for who you are. This might be worth a try and it might help you not only get used to mingling longer but even develop lasting friendships and who knows even a romantic one.
 

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You have three things goung for you that are putting you on the right path. Youve started on an antidepressant that is helping...thats great. You can talk to people, a lot of us can't, and you have a good job, so youre keeping busy, making money, and youre around people. All very good things you should be proud of yourself for. I agree some therapy might teach you where your hangups are, and how to keep moving forward. Id keep up with the meds for now, and keep working on your issues. You just need to get better at socializing and you're home free. Good luck.

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Hello alxdx.  Glad you found us.  If only to drive the point home, I'll agree with those who have suggested therapy.  CBT has held some successes for me.  I'm hoping my new T will help me build on that.  Sounds like you already have a good foundation with the meds and that you can function.

Shop around.  You don't have to settle on the first one.  Google "how to choose a therapist" and you'll find some excellent suggestions.  Some suggestions I haven't used, to my eventual regret.  Other times, as with the current search, I believe those suggestions have saved me a lot of problems.  One T lasted about half an hour, if that, when she claimed to specialize in "everything."  No shame in walking out.  From personal experience, I'd also suggest avoiding therapist interns.

From reading a few of your posts, too, it sounds like you have a good handle on being able to understand motivations or lack thereof.

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