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Dead for years with no one noticing


regretgirl

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I just watched this documentary about a woman who died at 38 years old, and no one noticed she wasn't around for 3 years.

She was found in her apartment completely decomposed into a skeleton, with the television still on. It wasn't until her door was busted down for not responding to dozens of eviction notices that anyone found out.

No one reported her missing. No one tried to contact her. No one missed her. For 3 years.

The documentary is basically about her "friends" and past coworkers describing how amazing she was, blah blah. That they were so busy with their own lives and they just figured she was busy with hers too. And time slipped away.

I think about how lonely I am, and how this will probably be my destiny. If she had friends and no one noticed, what about me?

I don't have any friends at all, not one. In fact I haven't hung out with a single person in many years. If it wasn't for my immediate family, I could have disappeared a long time ago without anyone noticing I'm not around.

This has made me think about my future. I'm unattractive and have nothing of substance to offer to anyone .I will likely be single forever, and not have the children or husband I dream of. My parents will pass on. And I will likely be a recluse, as I am now. At 25 this loneliness is hard enough, but as I get older I don't see it getting any better. When I die, I truly believe my fate will be like this woman. Alone in a house, that's gathering dust. Days will turn to months, and months to years. And I will be just as invisible dead as I am while alive.

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Regret Girl,

I'm 70, and in the same boat.  I'm not a recluse, but close to it.  One friend, a lady next door.  I do know how you feel.

So, I'm going to suggest something besides the normal here.  You have a fine sense of writing.  Your exposition is not overwrought, and it's crisp.  At  twenty five, you've plenty of time to develop.  Try writing a journal.  Go to the store, and look around you.  Writing can be therapeutic; your writing shows clarity.  Nothing to lose.  Feel better, just because you can if only for moments. 

Bulgakov

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I agree completely with @Bulgakov. Your writing is very engaging.

And, like James from NZ said, if you were nearby we could hang out now and then for coffee. The only person I hang out with now is my adult daughter--and it's mainly because she is legally blind and cannot drive herself. She relies on me to get around.

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23 hours ago, regretgirl said:

I just watched this documentary about a woman who died at 38 years old, and no one noticed she wasn't around for 3 years.

She was found in her apartment completely decomposed into a skeleton, with the television still on. It wasn't until her door was busted down for not responding to dozens of eviction notices that anyone found out.

No one reported her missing. No one tried to contact her. No one missed her. For 3 years.

The documentary is basically about her "friends" and past coworkers describing how amazing she was, blah blah. That they were so busy with their own lives and they just figured she was busy with hers too. And time slipped away.

I think about how lonely I am, and how this will probably be my destiny. If she had friends and no one noticed, what about me?

I don't have any friends at all, not one. In fact I haven't hung out with a single person in many years. If it wasn't for my immediate family, I could have disappeared a long time ago without anyone noticing I'm not around.

This has made me think about my future. I'm unattractive and have nothing of substance to offer to anyone .I will likely be single forever, and not have the children or husband I dream of. My parents will pass on. And I will likely be a recluse, as I am now. At 25 this loneliness is hard enough, but as I get older I don't see it getting any better. When I die, I truly believe my fate will be like this woman. Alone in a house, that's gathering dust. Days will turn to months, and months to years. And I will be just as invisible dead as I am while alive.

I know what you mean. I don't have friends and the people I know actively dislike me and have made a point in ignoring me and then have "laughing meetings" elsewhere and whisper when they pass me. I guess if I was gone for 3 years they'd say "Oh that was that annoying woman we didn't like". I'm incompetent at my job, a horrible mother, and don't have any hobbies unless you count Netflix and phone games. You are 25 though and so much can still change for you. I'm 46 and theres not much to look forward to at this point in my life. Once I'm retired, people will not hate me anymore - I'll just be invisible entirely. 

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On 9/4/2018 at 3:59 AM, regretgirl said:

I just watched this documentary about a woman who died at 38 years old, and no one noticed she wasn't around for 3 years.

She was found in her apartment completely decomposed into a skeleton, with the television still on. It wasn't until her door was busted down for not responding to dozens of eviction notices that anyone found out.

No one reported her missing. No one tried to contact her. No one missed her. For 3 years.

The documentary is basically about her "friends" and past coworkers describing how amazing she was, blah blah. That they were so busy with their own lives and they just figured she was busy with hers too. And time slipped away.

I think about how lonely I am, and how this will probably be my destiny. If she had friends and no one noticed, what about me?

I don't have any friends at all, not one. In fact I haven't hung out with a single person in many years. If it wasn't for my immediate family, I could have disappeared a long time ago without anyone noticing I'm not around.

This has made me think about my future. I'm unattractive and have nothing of substance to offer to anyone .I will likely be single forever, and not have the children or husband I dream of. My parents will pass on. And I will likely be a recluse, as I am now. At 25 this loneliness is hard enough, but as I get older I don't see it getting any better. When I die, I truly believe my fate will be like this woman. Alone in a house, that's gathering dust. Days will turn to months, and months to years. And I will be just as invisible dead as I am while alive.

I've seen that documentary. It was very poignant and sad. I've never forgotten it.

This really could happen to anyone in the western world especially. We are locked away in our own little boxes, most of us hardly even knowing our own neighbours.

And, as we get older we lose more and more people, even if we have been popular all our lives. Even folks with kids and partner are likely to live alone eventually after the inevitable loss of one partner.

And, most likely, die alone too.

Sad truth.

We only have ourselves to rely on to make sure we are connected to people as long as and as much as possible.

We have to get out there and get involved as much as we can.

It is very easy to become isolated in our society. I certainly am but I'm working on it.

I'm the only one who is going to make a difference in my life. I am making myself do things that make me uncomfortable because I know otherwise I will go downhill and become more and more isolated. 

 

 

Edited by jeremiah
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I haven't seen that documentary, but it sounds both horrifying and plausible. I also live alone in a flat and if I were to die at home, I imagine it would be a long time until anybody noticed my demise.

I've been doing volunteer stuff in an attempt to try and get out more and meet new people, but it's not making much difference. It becomes tougher to make new friends when everybody your age is marrying up and having all their spare time taken up by work and child-rearing.

 

 

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3 hours ago, Mark250 said:

I haven't seen that documentary, but it sounds both horrifying and plausible. I also live alone in a flat and if I were to die at home, I imagine it would be a long time until anybody noticed my demise.

I've been doing volunteer stuff in an attempt to try and get out more and meet new people, but it's not making much difference. It becomes tougher to make new friends when everybody your age is marrying up and having all their spare time taken up by work and child-rearing.

 

 

Hey buddy, I would notice. I've missed our chats! 

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I find myself feeling the opposite.  I would LOVE to be able to die/disappear and have nobody be affected by that.  Because then I would be allowed to escape without harming anyone.   Now, I am definitely just as lonely as you and have no friends that would actually miss me.  But many, many people depend on me to always be there.  If I was not I would cause lots of disruptions in peoples’ lives.  For me, true freedom would be having the ability to slip out of this world without anyone knowing that I was gone.

I do, however, relate to being lonely when you’re young.  When I was 25 I was still just as alone but at that age having friends is everything.  I get that.  So being lonely is that much more excruciating.  Hang in there.  If you can’t get out there, meet people, and make friends, at least get out into the world and undertake quests that will make you feel proud of yourself.

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I’m 33 years old. I feel I’m in your boat. Currently, I live with my aging family but soon we will have to leave seperate ways.  My state of preperation is not good, yet I work a meager job currently, with ppl older than me mostly. I am taking a recreational class, yet I have a feeling this women in the class is rather too friendly towards me and I might stop going. I don’t have friends to hang out with and those I text I feel are not close.    Yet, I do have friends online, I never met but at least give a positive outlook in life. Some day, I want to meet them  and give them a thank you hug.

 

You at 25. You are young and I know people in your age who are worse off in other countries. Heck, I have a brother, who is trying to get to Med school and hasn’t really worked in his life. So, count your blessing and look at the positive, and see what you can do better.

Go join a group of your interest amd make friends. It’s only by constant association, friendship grows. Choose your friends well, those who care about your well being and feel comfortable to hang around. 

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