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Myshka

Sometimes I miss having an ED.

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Hi everyone. 

I'm 31 and about four years in recovery. I loved the way I looked at my smallest, even if I looked slightly underweight. I've been okay with my natural shape since my recovery for the most part.

Last year, however, I became a mother. The weight came off easily enough at first....but then I got a Nexplanon implant. It made my life hell, as most hormonal birth control methods have. It made me gain weight when there was no way in hell I should have been. I got it removed two months or so ago and was excited at first that my weight seemed to be going down.

Lately, I just haven't been happy with my body at all, however. I don't overeat. I exercise. My body just does not look as good as it used to and it destroys me at times.

My husband finds me attractive but I don't as much anymore and I don't think others really would, either. Of course, their opinions wouldn't matter, but it's so hard. I used to look so good. And now, even though I'm trying, I don't. I don't know if it's because I've given birth now, if it's because I'm in my 30s now, because I have a desk job or what. I had a desk job before I got pregnant and diet and exercise kept me looking well, so I don't think that's it. 

It's also discouraging because when I'm not at work, my life is dictated by my eleven month old. I don't have the time for elaborate workouts and meal prepping like I used to. Some days, I can't even get all of the basics done. I do put forth some effort but I just feel as if it isn't good enough.

I know that losing weight slowly is the way to go. There were many rough consequences when I did it the unhealthy way years ago. It's just so discouraging at times and I wonder what's the use. As twisted as this is, I miss the willpower I had in my ED days. 

Edited by Myshka

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Have you talked to your doctor about this?  Your hormones may be unbalanced because of the baby and the birth control.  I recently started using a progesterone cream which is really helping me maintain my weight.  Also, have your had your thyroid checked?  Low thyroid caused weight gain.  

I know how you feel because I have always been thin.  It killed me when I gained 40 pounds with each baby.  But it eventually came off.  Just be patient with yourself.  Keep doing the right things.  I have found that just doing small things on a regular basis are more important than "being on a diet".  For instance.  I drink a lot of water, I keep fresh fruits and vegetables on hand so I can grab them easily instead of an unhealthy snack.  I eat yogurt every day and stay away from processed foods and fast foods.  Also, getting enough sleep is very important.  I heard recently that you should fast 12 -13 hours during every 24 hour period.  So, for instance, if you eat dinner at 5:00, don't eat any snacks in the evening and don't eat breakfast until 6:00 or 7:00 the next morning.  And as soon as you get up drink a big glass of water with lemon. This has really helped me.

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Getting off the birth control has definitely helped! I try to be healthy and it is paying off, I just tend to be impatient and hold myself to the same standards as when I was younger and hadn't given birth. All I hear from mothers is, "Your body will never be the same again, no matter what!" That is just so disheartening.

I don't know much about progesterone cream.

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On 9/5/2018 at 1:54 PM, Myshka said:

Getting off the birth control has definitely helped! I try to be healthy and it is paying off, I just tend to be impatient and hold myself to the same standards as when I was younger and hadn't given birth. All I hear from mothers is, "Your body will never be the same again, no matter what!" That is just so disheartening.

I don't know much about progesterone cream.

Yes, I know what you mean.  When I was younger I could skip a couple meals and lose weight.  Now it seems like the weight is a lot harder to take off.  But trust me it is not impossible.  I also have a nordic track in my basement.  I jump on it several times a day for a few minutes.  I hate to exercise and it's hard for me to exercise for 20 to 30 minutes at a time.  But I heard that doing brief bursts of cardio exercise through out the day is just as effective.  

My body does not look like it did when I was 21, but it looks pretty good for my age I think.  

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You sound "normal" in your weight/parenting struggles;  I just wanted you to know you aren't alone and your feelings are entirely normal as well. There are mom exercise groups/classes if you want company in your fight to drop some weight. Stroller walks/jogs are nice and gets you outdoors. You might want to indulge in a hair styling/makeup/photo session so you can "see" yourself all over again, plus you might find yourself feeling pampered and special, which is always good for a low ego.

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