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I made 3 small accomplishments yesterday


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1. I made a doctor's appointment finally. Unfortunately she is booked until October, but I got an appointment for Oct 23rd. I'm going to get a physical and hopefully a referral to a psychiatrist, so I can get on some medication and hopefully regain my life. She will be my regular doctor, pretty sure.

2. I finally requested my last W2 I needed to make my tax extension deadline here soon, and get perhaps get some money back.

3. I called my social worker at my local Health and Human Services offices, so see about getting unemployment for now.. I just don't feel mentally strong enough to go back to work yet, even though it has almost been a year. I left a message, so hopefully she will get back to me soon. If not I guess I can just go in when they open and just wait to be seen, even if it takes a few hours of waiting.


Today seems okay. I'm proud of myself for making a doctor's appointment, it's been well overdue for me to get that going. My mom and my best friend told me they were proud of me for taking the first step toward getting better. Wish my boyfriend would of said something like that, but he has his own things going on in his head. I haven't done anything else today besides eat. I don't usually get any type of energy or motivation until 1-2 pm. It's almost 12 pm now.


My head and heart is still aching, just due to the fact I feel more like a friend to my boyfriend, than I do a girlfriend. The fact that I feel like he's closer to his ex's and his guy friends than he is to me. The fact that he isn't nearly as affectionate or considerate toward me as much as he used to be. It's not even a bad thing either, it has helped me distance myself mentally and just focus on me. He asked me for a back rub this morning, well he didn't really ask as much as he was like "My shoulders are super sore right now" and I said "I'm sorry babe, mine do too" and got up to use the restroom. He's like "So no rubs?" and I continued my pee, lol, ignoring him.


Other than that, I am only anxious for him to come home. Trying to train myself not to be.

Mind is racing a bit atm, but I just need to relax.



Also, I may be hanging out with my boyfriend's cousin's girlfriend on Saturday. We might go to Home Depot to pick out some paint, then I will help her paint their studio. I am feeling nervous about Saturday and was wondering if maybe I should just not follow through, but I think I will try to make myself go with her. I need to get out as much as I can I think. Plus we get along really well and she actually watches some of the silly shows I watch too.



Edited by sabiflitch
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It sounds like you had a great day and that you are getting stronger and stronger. It's so wonderful that you are doing things for yourself and taking care of you. If the person that you are planning to go to Home Depot with on Saturday with is a kind and considerate person, then do your best to go. It will energize you and social connections are so important. Don't stop the positive forward movement now. It sounds like you are disappointed with the relationship with your boyfriend. Have you communicated this to him? If you have, how does he respond? If he is not sensitive to you, this is something to really be cautious about.

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