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How Do You Feel Right Now #8


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2 hours ago, ladysmurf said:

Life is so unfair to some, it will never make sense to me..

I know exactly what you mean. I tell myself that they may be happier but chances are they are more superficial too...

And inevitably they will go through the big losses at some point. Maybe later rather than sooner for them. 

Spirituality says that suffering brings us closer to god and I agree, I'm on my knees! Lol 

Still, it actually feels better to feel happy for others if we can muster it, no?

Edited by jeremiah
Correcting grammar
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Unstable. On Friday I felt like crying the whole day at work. Had a very pleasant evening but got really down when I got home. I cried almost the whole day yesterday. I'm feeling better now although nothing has changed. Maybe it's me being hopeful...

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18 hours ago, jeremiah said:

I know exactly what you mean. I tell myself that they may be happier but chances are they are more superficial too...

And inevitably they will go through the big losses at some point. Maybe later rather than sooner for them. 

Spirituality says that suffering brings us closer to god and I agree, I'm on my knees! Lol 

Still, it actually feels better to feel happy for others if we can muster it, no?

i don't wish harm on anyone. i'm not jealous to the point of wishing anything bad to happen to people..i am jealous that i don't have my health to enjoy my life, my hobbies, etc..that I admit...life never gave me a break, and it probably never will that's why it seems so unfair to me.

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3 minutes ago, ladysmurf said:

i don't wish harm on anyone. i'm not jealous to the point of wishing anything bad to happen to people..i am jealous that i don't have my health to enjoy my life, my hobbies, etc..that I admit...life never gave me a break, and it probably never will that's why it seems so unfair to me.

It is unfair because I know you are a good person and all you want is to be happy and have a normal life like me.  That's what is heart breaking that we are good hearted people with good intentions and life still won't give us a break.

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I'm going to be very scared and paranoid this week.  I'm terrified of how my brain will try to derail things so I am going to only do what I have to and then hide here at the house so there is no chance of something making me relapse.  If I relapse during this last week my brain will use it against me forever.

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1 hour ago, ladysmurf said:

i don't wish harm on anyone. i'm not jealous to the point of wishing anything bad to happen to people..i am jealous that i don't have my health to enjoy my life, my hobbies, etc..that I admit...life never gave me a break, and it probably never will that's why it seems so unfair to me.

I understand. Hugs to you. (((((Ladysmurf)))))

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It was actually a pretty good weekend from me, outside my quick blip. Isolation and immersion into hobbies has actually worked to make me feel more 'normal.' And I should have a quiet night at work tonight, too!

That being said, now I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop, because it always does.

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On 9/1/2018 at 5:57 PM, 20YearsandCounting said:

You took the words right out of my mouth. 

Second that. I refuse to give up, though. What say JD? Soldier on?

Sorry I stole your words. 😁

I dunno what to do. "Follow your dreams," they say. I suppose that's possible if you're successful and/or wealthy. When you're broke, dreams are free but acting upon them is a..well, pipe dream.

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Positive: my cat 😺watched me do yoga today for the first time lol. She has always been terrified of my yoga practice and bolts out of the room when my mat comes out ... today she sat on the table looking down at mum doing wierd stuff with interest. ..aw, she's gaining confidence all of the time 🙂

negative: I don't know why I find simple things so hard. Having a frickin shower feels like climbing everest. I know I get ocd with things but that wasn't too bad today. It was just hard work. Maybe I'm just worn out 😴

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7 hours ago, jeremiah said:

Positive: my cat 😺watched me do yoga today for the first time lol. She has always been terrified of my yoga practice and bolts out of the room when my mat comes out ... today she sat on the table looking down at mum doing wierd stuff with interest. ..aw, she's gaining confidence all of the time 🙂

negative: I don't know why I find simple things so hard. Having a frickin shower feels like climbing everest. I know I get ocd with things but that wasn't too bad today. It was just hard work. Maybe I'm just worn out 😴

This made me laugh!!!!  I loved it.  I love cats, I have two two-year old sisters.  But God they are the most cautious and skitzy creatures that we have domesticated :).  Afraid of yoga!  I've heard everything now.  They live with us, but by god they don't trust us one bit!!!

 

 

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5 hours ago, Steveab63 said:

Having that feeling of impending doom. Its dreary and rainy outside. Reminds me of when i was little...makes me realize ive had depression since i was a little kid. Its like heavy weights are attached to my body.

Yeah, certain smells or certain weather patterns immediately transport me back to a childhood time when I felt alone, unloved, abused, and discarded.  It's amazing what the senses can do to take over our emotions.

Hugs, Steve!!!

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9 hours ago, salparadise6132 said:

This made me laugh!!!!  I loved it.  I love cats, I have two two-year old sisters.  But God they are the most cautious and skitzy creatures that we have domesticated :).  Afraid of yoga!  I've heard everything now.  They live with us, but by god they don't trust us one bit!!!

 

 

They don't! Lol

I have a bengal. She is half monkey, half wild cat and 100% two year old child 

🐒 🐆 🤸‍♀️ = 😺

On a serious note I wouldn't recommend anyone get a bengal from a breeder. They're too wild to be domesticated. I have to dedicate two hours every day to playtime. It may not sound like much but it's a big commitment. She gets very unhappy otherwise and is not quiet about it!

I rescued mine, she had been abandoned. Obvs too much for previous owners to handle. It's very common with bengals 😥

Edited by jeremiah
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9 hours ago, sober4life said:

Something just happened to take me back to the darkest time of my life so I know.  I threw up when I remembered and I'm shaking.  Life is really trying to break me right now!:sniffle1:

Hope you are feeling a little better sober4life. I have trauma in my past too which has certainly made me shake to think or talk about.  I don't talk about it. 

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