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20YearsandCounting

How Do You Feel Right Now #8

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I actually remember what it feels like, but it is definitely a foreign concept now. My memories of happiness seem like they happened to a different person in a different universe. Instead of providing comfort, happy memories are now just a haunting and unwelcome reminder of loss. Sorry you are struggling LonelyHiker - you are such a supportive member on here and you don't deserve to suffer.

24 minutes ago, LonelyHiker said:

I've forgotten what real happiness feels like...it's s completely foreign concept to me anymore.

 

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I am overloaded with terrible news from my city. Sad, sad, sad. It's just hard to avoid when it's your home. My coworker's brother is a city cop in that area. An old friend's family goes to that synagogue. I just hate seeing my home in the news for something so awful.

That's definitely overshadowed the weekend here. Otherwise everything has been good. I saw my boyfriend's family again for the first time since last year before we broke up. I was extremely anxious about it, but they always stood behind me through everything this year when we weren't together. 

So, I'm okay right now. We're back to a quiet house again. I'm still pretty down following some inconsistency with taking my meds. Just trying to hold steady for now.

My love to you all!

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Yes this is a crazy world!  In this world you might want to find some peace in religion or you might want to go watch your favorite movie or just wake up and go to school and end up getting shot.  People are crazy!  I desperately want to have children but would they really be safe in this sick world?

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31 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I hope I feel better than this tomorrow.  I have to put on a show.  If I had to do it today I would fail miserably.

Bleh. Monday is just around the corner. The feeling of dread is building inside of me. I'll be a basket case by 8 p.m.

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3 hours ago, Tilted said:

I actually remember what it feels like, but it is definitely a foreign concept now. My memories of happiness seem like they happened to a different person in a different universe. Instead of providing comfort, happy memories are now just a haunting and unwelcome reminder of loss. Sorry you are struggling LonelyHiker - you are such a supportive member on here and you don't deserve to suffer.

 

Thank you Tilted, I try to offer what support I can, though half the time I feel like a casino dealer giving advice to a gambling addict..

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7 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

Bleh. Monday is just around the corner. The feeling of dread is building inside of me. I'll be a basket case by 8 p.m.

I know how you feel.  Tomorrow will be an awful day.  It will be another day I have to recover from.  The last 9 months have felt like drowning in the middle of the ocean.  Any time I get a breath of air I get mowed down by a speedboat.

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6 hours ago, LonelyHiker said:

I've forgotten what real happiness feels like...it's s completely foreign concept to me anymore.

I'm sorry hiker. Just remember that so many of us out here feel the same way (millions?)

So in a very big sense we aren't as alone as we feel. We feel like we're separate little lonely beasts when really we are one and the same big lonely beast hungry for love.

Sending love to you LonelyHiker :hearts:

And hugs :hugs:

...And what do they say? If you feel lonely, look at the moon because someone, somewhere will be looking at it too. 

 

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45 minutes ago, jeremiah said:

I'm sorry hiker. Just remember that so many of us out here feel the same way (millions?)

So in a very big sense we aren't as alone as we feel. We feel like we're separate little lonely beasts when really we are one and the same big lonely beast hungry for love.

Sending love to you LonelyHiker :hearts:

And hugs :hugs:

...And what do they say? If you feel lonely, look at the moon because someone, somewhere will be looking at it too. 

 

Thank you, @jeremiah, for these very lovely words and sentiments! You are such a kind and thoughtful person.

 

Sending you ((((hugs)))) as well!

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52 minutes ago, sober4life said:

This time of day I begin to feel very paranoid.  I even begin to get suspicious of the face in my avatar.

Is it because of what tomorrow brings, thats what it always was for me, hope you fi d a way not to be paranoid

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5 minutes ago, surfcaster said:

Is it because of what tomorrow brings, thats what it always was for me, hope you fi d a way not to be paranoid

I live alone in the woods.  When it gets dark I start to think people will come in and hurt me.  That's how someone that has been abused their whole life thinks.  I don't trust anyone.

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7 hours ago, velvetpuddles said:

I am overloaded with terrible news from my city. Sad, sad, sad. It's just hard to avoid when it's your home. My coworker's brother is a city cop in that area. An old friend's family goes to that synagogue. I just hate seeing my home in the news for something so awful.

That's definitely overshadowed the weekend here. Otherwise everything has been good. I saw my boyfriend's family again for the first time since last year before we broke up. I was extremely anxious about it, but they always stood behind me through everything this year when we weren't together. 

So, I'm okay right now. We're back to a quiet house again. I'm still pretty down following some inconsistency with taking my meds. Just trying to hold steady for now.

My love to you all!

I am from Pittsburgh, and my brother and his family still live there, so I can empathize.

 

What a wonderful species we are.

 

And we wonder why a UFO doesn't just land and say "hello!"  - Carlin

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26 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I live alone in the woods.  When it gets dark I start to think people will come in and hurt me.  That's how someone that has been abused their whole life thinks.  I don't trust anyone.

I understand not trusting anyone, it only brings pain eventually, at least for me anyway, not sure how I'd do alone in the woods i think i would like it but i do understand how that would make you paranoid, hope someday you find peace 

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