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How Do You Feel Right Now #8


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Having a baaaaad daymare (nightmare in the day).

I've had that everyone hates me feeling. Usually happens the more I try to get out there and do stuff.

It's toxic, I can literally feel my body filling up with toxicity from the awful thoughts in my brain. Nothing bad has even really happened to me today but my mind has been determined to tell me that everything is ruined and awful, that nothing I've done today  has been anywhere near good enough. 

Any action or interaction has to be perfect it seems or it's useless. 

Feel like I'm coming out of my skin. This is what I get for trying. 

The day I tried to live by sound garden springs to mind.

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27 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

Had my final probationary meeting today. They will be deciding tomorrow whether or not to keep me around after 30 years of working at this place.

I hope things work out for you.  It's ridiculous that they are putting you through this!

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After a couple good weeks, I'm starting to spiral again. Anxiety is back up, and it's getting harder and harder to stay grounded. Hopefully this one stays short term, because the last one lasted quite a while, and I don't know if I have the strength to make it through another long-term episode.

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Never stop posting smurf and you don’t bring us down - say what you feel and don’t be insincere just because of other’s expectations....

7 hours ago, ladysmurf said:

joy does not exist in my life. i'm sorry if i bring others down, i will stop posting.

 

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I know you may struggle at your job (like a lot of people) but I also know that you are a conscientious human being with a lot of patience and integrity. I can't see them letting you go, and if they do it is their loss...

 

1 hour ago, JD4010 said:

Had my final probationary meeting today. They will be deciding tomorrow whether or not to keep me around after 30 years of working at this place.

 

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7 hours ago, jeremiah said:

Having a baaaaad daymare (nightmare in the day).

I've had that everyone hates me feeling. Usually happens the more I try to get out there and do stuff.

It's toxic, I can literally feel my body filling up with toxicity from the awful thoughts in my brain. Nothing bad has even really happened to me today but my mind has been determined to tell me that everything is ruined and awful, that nothing I've done today  has been anywhere near good enough. 

Any action or interaction has to be perfect it seems or it's useless. 

Feel like I'm coming out of my skin. This is what I get for trying. 

The day I tried to live by sound garden springs to mind.

I have this same feeling every day.

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I feel very out of it. It seems like B might have the flu (body aches, headaches, fatigue, etc), and I started feeling it today. I feel completely worn out. So I just finished a mug of night time Theraflu, hoping that it'll help knock me out.

The end of my job appears to be coming soon. Our parent company finally has a plan for absorbing the rest of our work through November, so I'll likely be laid off at the end of December or January if all goes as planned. I'm totally conflicted about it. And thinking about it sends me into a tailspin. 

That's my story today. Just gonna shut my eyes and run through these next few months. 😒

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Depressed.

Wasn't sure if I was in a depressive phase but...yep. Weeks of feeling apathetic and then it came in like a wrecking ball. Stuff today shouldn't have bothered me so much but I feel distraught.

My entire life seems to consist of being a coward and letting people down.

Hope things are better for everyone tomorrow.

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8 hours ago, sober4life said:

I have this same feeling every day.

I'm sorry you feel like this daily. It happens to me fairly frequently but it's not constantly this bad. It's still here today but I'm hoping it will fade towards the end of the day. I'm expecting it to.

I think I keep it at bay a bit by lying low a lot. If I carried on with my plans today I think it would add fuel to the fire so I've cancelled half of my plans for today (the challenging half).

I think I somehow diffuse it by keeping to myself and taking it easy but this means I hardly have any life and am quite literally disabled. I'm not living any kind of 'normal' life. 

I need lots and lots and lots of downtime. Perhaps I need to accept this. 

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Just wanted to add that I've lost many friendships and relationships because of this sudden inability to function.  If people could just understand and not take it personally things could be a lot better .....

Edited by jeremiah
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2 hours ago, jeremiah said:

I'm sorry you feel like this daily. It happens to me fairly frequently but it's not constantly this bad. It's still here today but I'm hoping it will fade towards the end of the day. I'm expecting it to.

I think I keep it at bay a bit by lying low a lot. If I carried on with my plans today I think it would add fuel to the fire so I've cancelled half of my plans for today (the challenging half).

I think I somehow diffuse it by keeping to myself and taking it easy but this means I hardly have any life and am quite literally disabled. I'm not living any kind of 'normal' life. 

I need lots and lots and lots of downtime. Perhaps I need to accept this. 

I need lots of downtime too.  A normal life is impossible for me right now.  I have to recover from everything.

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Irritated that I had another rough morning.  I was able to let off the gas a little but the thoughts that illicit an unwanted angry response from me keep coming up.

I am angry that I must keep doing things that I do not want to do so I can keep moving forward.  

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26 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I'm sorry if I worried people lately.  I've been really struggling lately but I will be ok.

I’m glad to hear my friend that you are 

going to be ok, it brings great joy to me

to know that you are strong and you are 

a overcomer of many obstacles that have 

stood in your way over the years.  

Continue to fight the good fight my friend 

and you shall win in the end.

 

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1 hour ago, Rattler6 said:

Irritated that I had another rough morning.  I was able to let off the gas a little but the thoughts that illicit an unwanted angry response from me keep coming up.

I am angry that I must keep doing things that I do not want to do so I can keep moving forward.  

Sometimes my friend it is good to be 

moving at all especially if you can even

advance forward can be considered a 

win for you because there is nothing 

like being stuck in the mud and you are 

using all of your might and energy but 

you don’t seem to be going anywhere 

but just wasting yourself away.  Hang 

in there my friend and I can tell you that 

I have been there and I’m still there.

However, we are conquerors and we 

refuses to quit on ourselves regardless 

of what others might think 🤔 of us,

 we are winners because we don’t quit.

Edited by Floor2017
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34 minutes ago, Floor2017 said:

I’m glad to hear my friend that you are 

going to be ok, it brings great joy to me

to know that you are strong and you are 

a overcomer of many obstacles that have 

stood in your way over the years.  

Continue to fight the good fight my friend 

and you shall win in the end.

 

I'm strong but I'm stupid.  I push myself too far over and over and crash over and over.  I'm like the bug that keeps hitting the bug zapper getting shocked over and over.  I'm done pushing myself beyond my means for people in my life that see me as nothing more than a work horse.  Oh well if she falls over and dies we just get a new horse is all the more concern they have.

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25 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I'm strong but I'm stupid.  I push myself too far over and over and crash over and over.  I'm like the bug that keeps hitting the bug zapper getting shocked over and over.  I'm done pushing myself beyond my means for people in my life that see me as nothing more than a work horse.  Oh well if she falls over and dies we just get a new horse is all the more concern they have.

🤣

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