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How Do You Feel Right Now #8


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On 10/22/2018 at 8:19 PM, sober4life said:

I definitely get much worse when the sun goes down.  I begin to feel very alone and paranoid.  Usually by the time I go to bed I think everyone on earth hates me.

Of course they do, silly girl!  You're not paranoid at all.😜

(God, I hope you think that's funny.  That's how it was meant.  No disrespect!)

xoxo,

WOTL

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On 10/23/2018 at 3:59 AM, womanofthelight said:

I . . . don't know how to recover from the actual physical loss of my brother. 

It's like . . . when Wile E. Coyote runs through what looks like the desert.  But in truth, Road Runner has (somehow!) managed to set in place a huge backdrop through which Wile E. chases him, and in doing so falls off a cliff, leaving a hole in the landscape that is the exact shape of Wile E.

There's a hole in the world where Paul was and it's too late to catch him before the fall . . .

And then there's the turn of the knife . . . His will states that he's leaving his assets to his "real family" of friends.  Of his blood family he writes:

"Paul’s immediate kin, though possessing considerable talents and virtues, he has been estranged from for years, and by this estrangement discovered more refined and humanitarian qualities in himself."  

He truly did not love us any more.  (Even before he cut ties with me, he said he never wanted to hear the word "love.")

Maybe life really is just a cartoon.  But I'm not laughing yet.  I feel as though I've been beaten with a bat and there's a mountain with stars circling the top of my head.

Wishing I could be in whatever dimension he's in now.  With him.  Maybe he'd love me if I were there. 

I may have to find a grief counseling group. 

Thank you all for your support, dear DF family.

WOTL

My friend it is so hard to lose a friend or a

love one regardless if it’s through death or 

they chose to cut you out of their life but

your life must go.  Perhaps if you want to 

show a loss for a love one or a friend do 

something that they loved to keep there 

memory or life alive still.  Example if they 

played music or drawed pictures you can 

donate or allow others to appreciate there

life accompolishments by viewing it or

playing their music.  Find ways to help 

bring others to you or find ways that you 

can go to other people like volunteering 

where people are needed to help others .

:hugs:   :hugs::hugs:

Edited by Floor2017
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2 hours ago, roadking02 said:

A bit nervous/anxious because of what's going to happen tomorrow. Heading to Tennessee to pick up a Triumph Thruxton R. Won't be riding it home because of the weather so I'll haul it back home in a truck. My Dad is going with me which is nice, perhaps he'll get the urge to buy a Triumph himself. Weather here won't be great, supposed to rain this weekend but I don't feel like riding a brand new bike this time of year would be a great idea because of deer.

Just be extra careful on the ride home.  No reason to add unneeded risk.

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On 10/22/2018 at 4:48 PM, Devlinkyla said:

Am so emotional I feel sick if that makes any sense 

Yes, my friend it makes a lot of sense 

that you can become so emotional that 

it can actually make you to begin to feel 

sick.  Depression is nothing to play with 

hang in there my friend and hopefully

things will begin to change for you 

:hugs:

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4 hours ago, womanofthelight said:

Of course they do, silly girl!  You're not paranoid at all.😜

(God, I hope you think that's funny.  That's how it was meant.  No disrespect!)

xoxo,

WOTL

Thank you I will start feeling better.  I'm not worth worrying about to be honest.  I'm more worried about you.

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6 hours ago, JD4010 said:

Damn. I'm sorry, my friend. If misery loves company, I'm right there with you.

I'm sorry you are going through hell like me.  The last thing I want is for you to feel like I do.  I can't remember the last time I felt this bad.

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13 hours ago, Floor2017 said:

My friend it is so hard to lose a friend or a

love one regardless if it’s through death or 

they chose to cut you out of their life but

your life must go.  Perhaps if you want to 

show a loss for a love one or a friend do 

something that they loved to keep there 

memory or life alive still.  Example if they 

played music or drawed pictures you can 

donate or allow others to appreciate there

life accompolishments by viewing it or

playing their music.  Find ways to help 

bring others to you or find ways that you 

can go to other people like volunteering 

where people are needed to help others .

:hugs:   :hugs::hugs:

Thank you, Floor2017.

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10 hours ago, sober4life said:

Thank you I will start feeling better.  I'm not worth worrying about to be honest.  I'm more worried about you.

Of course you're worth it, dear. 

Also, I found an interesting quote by Virginia Woolf, considering the way she died.

"We insist, it seems, on living." 

I think we're all members of the "How-long-am-I going-to-last-with-this-pain?" club.  Or something like that.

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14 hours ago, sober4life said:

I'm sorry you are going through hell like me.  The last thing I want is for you to feel like I do.  I can't remember the last time I felt this bad.

Wow. I'm sorry about your hell too of course. You mentioned your depression gets worse as a result of the seasons...is this a big part of why you feel so bad right now?

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On 10/23/2018 at 12:04 PM, sober4life said:

I know what it takes to get PTSD.  Everywhere I look through my life I see abuse!  I hate that you were destroyed by people like I have been.  I'm so sick of people!

Life never tells us the when's or why's.. I wish I knew why.....but I'll never know why life hated me so much to cause me so much cruel and inhumane pain from a young age. It makes no sense..but at the end of the day it is what it is.

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25 minutes ago, ladysmurf said:

Life never tells us the when's or why's.. I wish I knew why.....but I'll never know why life hated me so much to cause me so much cruel and inhumane pain from a young age. It makes no sense..but at the end of the day it is what it is.

I feel you my friend because I have been 

like this ever since I been old enough to 

understand things about life.  All I can say 

is try to find something in life that you

enjoy doing to help bring you some joy and 

perhaps help to lift other sufferers up as

well.    :hugs:

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Not replied to texts and calls in two weeks. I don't want to pretend like I'm happy interacting with other people. I'm not. I don't even feel like making an appointment with my therapist, who I used to always look forward to, even when I was isolating.

I can't say I've been particularly depressed or lonely either. But God knows if that's true or if I'm just repressing my true feelings. I don't seem to know myself.

Mainly I just feel guilty for hurting other people's feelings or worrying them. I will start contacting people today...

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1 hour ago, Floor2017 said:

I feel you my friend because I have been 

like this ever since I been old enough to 

understand things about life.  All I can say 

is try to find something in life that you

enjoy doing to help bring you some joy and 

perhaps help to lift other sufferers up as

well.    :hugs:

joy does not exist in my life. i'm sorry if i bring others down, i will stop posting.

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11 minutes ago, ladysmurf said:

joy does not exist in my life. i'm sorry if i bring others down, i will stop posting.

No, my friend we are here for you

regardless of how you feel because we

need each other here.  So, please keep on

posting and I’m looking forward to hearing 

from you real soon 

 

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Terribly stressed. Colonoscopy is in a week and very low on money. It just seems so hopeless! I meet with the therapist on Monday at least. 

So depressed that I felt out of it at Best Buy, a store I always enjoyed. So sad to have no energy or happiness. 

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