evalynn Posted October 24, 2018 Share Posted October 24, 2018 The upside of being sick is I don't have the energy left to be depressed about my trip being over. All I want to do is rest in my pajamas until I feel better. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
womanofthelight Posted October 24, 2018 Share Posted October 24, 2018 On 10/22/2018 at 8:19 PM, sober4life said: I definitely get much worse when the sun goes down. I begin to feel very alone and paranoid. Usually by the time I go to bed I think everyone on earth hates me. Of course they do, silly girl! You're not paranoid at all. (God, I hope you think that's funny. That's how it was meant. No disrespect!) xoxo, WOTL 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeyondWeary Posted October 24, 2018 Share Posted October 24, 2018 I'm so very weary yet you all keep me going. Thanks!! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Floor2017 Posted October 24, 2018 Share Posted October 24, 2018 (edited) On 10/23/2018 at 3:59 AM, womanofthelight said: I . . . don't know how to recover from the actual physical loss of my brother. It's like . . . when Wile E. Coyote runs through what looks like the desert. But in truth, Road Runner has (somehow!) managed to set in place a huge backdrop through which Wile E. chases him, and in doing so falls off a cliff, leaving a hole in the landscape that is the exact shape of Wile E. There's a hole in the world where Paul was and it's too late to catch him before the fall . . . And then there's the turn of the knife . . . His will states that he's leaving his assets to his "real family" of friends. Of his blood family he writes: "Paul’s immediate kin, though possessing considerable talents and virtues, he has been estranged from for years, and by this estrangement discovered more refined and humanitarian qualities in himself." He truly did not love us any more. (Even before he cut ties with me, he said he never wanted to hear the word "love.") Maybe life really is just a cartoon. But I'm not laughing yet. I feel as though I've been beaten with a bat and there's a mountain with stars circling the top of my head. Wishing I could be in whatever dimension he's in now. With him. Maybe he'd love me if I were there. I may have to find a grief counseling group. Thank you all for your support, dear DF family. WOTL My friend it is so hard to lose a friend or a love one regardless if it’s through death or they chose to cut you out of their life but your life must go. Perhaps if you want to show a loss for a love one or a friend do something that they loved to keep there memory or life alive still. Example if they played music or drawed pictures you can donate or allow others to appreciate there life accompolishments by viewing it or playing their music. Find ways to help bring others to you or find ways that you can go to other people like volunteering where people are needed to help others . Edited October 24, 2018 by Floor2017 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nightjar Posted October 24, 2018 Share Posted October 24, 2018 On 10/22/2018 at 2:36 PM, Rattler6 said: You can reach escape velocity. I love this! It's now my new mantra. Escape velocity is the way forward. Motivates me and makes me chuckle Cheers rattler. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bbwolf Posted October 24, 2018 Share Posted October 24, 2018 depressed lonely unwanted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rattler6 Posted October 24, 2018 Share Posted October 24, 2018 2 hours ago, roadking02 said: A bit nervous/anxious because of what's going to happen tomorrow. Heading to Tennessee to pick up a Triumph Thruxton R. Won't be riding it home because of the weather so I'll haul it back home in a truck. My Dad is going with me which is nice, perhaps he'll get the urge to buy a Triumph himself. Weather here won't be great, supposed to rain this weekend but I don't feel like riding a brand new bike this time of year would be a great idea because of deer. Just be extra careful on the ride home. No reason to add unneeded risk. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Floor2017 Posted October 24, 2018 Share Posted October 24, 2018 On 10/22/2018 at 4:48 PM, Devlinkyla said: Am so emotional I feel sick if that makes any sense Yes, my friend it makes a lot of sense that you can become so emotional that it can actually make you to begin to feel sick. Depression is nothing to play with hang in there my friend and hopefully things will begin to change for you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JellyThou Posted October 24, 2018 Share Posted October 24, 2018 Start a new life in a new body or in a different form. But never knowing the body and past lives you died. I call this "The best definition of death" 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
surfcaster Posted October 24, 2018 Share Posted October 24, 2018 Less frustrated then yesterday, so ok i guess 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted October 24, 2018 Share Posted October 24, 2018 I made lots of big changes in my life that led absolutely nowhere. I feel exactly the way every person on earth would feel in that position. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted October 24, 2018 Share Posted October 24, 2018 4 hours ago, womanofthelight said: Of course they do, silly girl! You're not paranoid at all. (God, I hope you think that's funny. That's how it was meant. No disrespect!) xoxo, WOTL Thank you I will start feeling better. I'm not worth worrying about to be honest. I'm more worried about you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted October 24, 2018 Share Posted October 24, 2018 6 hours ago, JD4010 said: Damn. I'm sorry, my friend. If misery loves company, I'm right there with you. I'm sorry you are going through hell like me. The last thing I want is for you to feel like I do. I can't remember the last time I felt this bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
womanofthelight Posted October 25, 2018 Share Posted October 25, 2018 13 hours ago, Floor2017 said: My friend it is so hard to lose a friend or a love one regardless if it’s through death or they chose to cut you out of their life but your life must go. Perhaps if you want to show a loss for a love one or a friend do something that they loved to keep there memory or life alive still. Example if they played music or drawed pictures you can donate or allow others to appreciate there life accompolishments by viewing it or playing their music. Find ways to help bring others to you or find ways that you can go to other people like volunteering where people are needed to help others . Thank you, Floor2017. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
womanofthelight Posted October 25, 2018 Share Posted October 25, 2018 10 hours ago, sober4life said: Thank you I will start feeling better. I'm not worth worrying about to be honest. I'm more worried about you. Of course you're worth it, dear. Also, I found an interesting quote by Virginia Woolf, considering the way she died. "We insist, it seems, on living." I think we're all members of the "How-long-am-I going-to-last-with-this-pain?" club. Or something like that. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JD4010 Posted October 25, 2018 Share Posted October 25, 2018 14 hours ago, sober4life said: I'm sorry you are going through hell like me. The last thing I want is for you to feel like I do. I can't remember the last time I felt this bad. Wow. I'm sorry about your hell too of course. You mentioned your depression gets worse as a result of the seasons...is this a big part of why you feel so bad right now? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
norvils Posted October 25, 2018 Share Posted October 25, 2018 Feeling tired, because I am doing quite a lot at the moment. Hope I won't burn out. What motivates me is knowing, that time will always put things where they belong. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rattler6 Posted October 25, 2018 Share Posted October 25, 2018 A bit grounded. Tired even though it is early. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladysmurf Posted October 25, 2018 Share Posted October 25, 2018 On 10/23/2018 at 12:04 PM, sober4life said: I know what it takes to get PTSD. Everywhere I look through my life I see abuse! I hate that you were destroyed by people like I have been. I'm so sick of people! Life never tells us the when's or why's.. I wish I knew why.....but I'll never know why life hated me so much to cause me so much cruel and inhumane pain from a young age. It makes no sense..but at the end of the day it is what it is. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Floor2017 Posted October 25, 2018 Share Posted October 25, 2018 25 minutes ago, ladysmurf said: Life never tells us the when's or why's.. I wish I knew why.....but I'll never know why life hated me so much to cause me so much cruel and inhumane pain from a young age. It makes no sense..but at the end of the day it is what it is. I feel you my friend because I have been like this ever since I been old enough to understand things about life. All I can say is try to find something in life that you enjoy doing to help bring you some joy and perhaps help to lift other sufferers up as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kogent5 Posted October 25, 2018 Share Posted October 25, 2018 Not replied to texts and calls in two weeks. I don't want to pretend like I'm happy interacting with other people. I'm not. I don't even feel like making an appointment with my therapist, who I used to always look forward to, even when I was isolating. I can't say I've been particularly depressed or lonely either. But God knows if that's true or if I'm just repressing my true feelings. I don't seem to know myself. Mainly I just feel guilty for hurting other people's feelings or worrying them. I will start contacting people today... 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladysmurf Posted October 25, 2018 Share Posted October 25, 2018 1 hour ago, Floor2017 said: I feel you my friend because I have been like this ever since I been old enough to understand things about life. All I can say is try to find something in life that you enjoy doing to help bring you some joy and perhaps help to lift other sufferers up as well. joy does not exist in my life. i'm sorry if i bring others down, i will stop posting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Floor2017 Posted October 25, 2018 Share Posted October 25, 2018 11 minutes ago, ladysmurf said: joy does not exist in my life. i'm sorry if i bring others down, i will stop posting. No, my friend we are here for you regardless of how you feel because we need each other here. So, please keep on posting and I’m looking forward to hearing from you real soon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MatthewPA Posted October 25, 2018 Share Posted October 25, 2018 Terribly stressed. Colonoscopy is in a week and very low on money. It just seems so hopeless! I meet with the therapist on Monday at least. So depressed that I felt out of it at Best Buy, a store I always enjoyed. So sad to have no energy or happiness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Floor2017 Posted October 25, 2018 Share Posted October 25, 2018 I’m feeling ok at the moment my daughter text me wanting to know if I wanted to go out to eat since she was just getting back from traveling nursing. It made me feel good so I got up out of bed and fixed myself up and ate dinner with her 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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