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How Do You Feel Right Now #8


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9 hours ago, salparadise6132 said:

 

Love your sense of humor, girl.  I was hoping that post didn't hurt you.  I strongly suspect she meant no harm, likely unaware of who you are and your story.

Hugs, bud!

You remain an inspiration for me!!

Brian

I'm obviously missing something  (or a lot) here. 

I definitely do not mean any harm to anyone,  here or otherwise.

 

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35 minutes ago, jeremiah said:

I'm obviously missing something  (or a lot) here. 

I definitely do not mean any harm to anyone,  here or otherwise.

 

I know you were trying to help me. There was no way for you to know that I'm transgender.  I don't talk about it that much anymore.  I'm so comfortable with myself at this point I don't even think to bring it up anymore.

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I'm feeling...nothing. Which is far and away better than feeling despair of course. I got a half way decent walk in earlier today and that seemed to lift my spirits a bit.

I'm dreading yet another Monday, of course...

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13 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

I'm feeling...nothing. Which is far and away better than feeling despair of course. I got a half way decent walk in earlier today and that seemed to lift my spirits a bit.

I'm dreading yet another Monday, of course...

I'm glad you're walking.  This is the best time of year to walk.

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3 hours ago, sober4life said:

I'm feeling pretty good today.  That's it really.  The weekend went much better than I thought it would.

I'm glad you're feeling much better today my friend and I'm proud to hear that you had a

much better weekend than you thought you would.  😀

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Being born in Turkey is something like choosing "hard" when you start a game.

There is a chance that you will be blown up on a public transport vehicle without growing up, even in the mother's womb. Without knowing anything, someone can end your life just because you were not born in Norway. New hopes to fly to the airport, you can leave in the blood of someone's arm. No one is guilty. You're guilty. It's your fault, you were born here.

If you're a woman, you're choosing "very hard." Without your own choice, you can be married to your uncle when you're ten years old. Or you may be involved in any foundation at that age, or you may be raped for walking on the road. State elders may say "women have jobs because they are looking for work." You can throw away your career dreams with your psychology. But no, you're a criminal.

When you're a soldier, they're ditching you at 3:00 a.m. to protect a rogue seat. You die at 20. Your lover, you will leave your future dreams in a blind spot. They say, "For the homeland." They get in the car, and your mother stays. And with a big flag. Tell the woman not to worry, you chose it. You're the culprit. Not they.

Anxiety of future causes the whites of hair at an early age. You did everything, completed your education with great hopes, but someone's cousin got what you wanted in front of you? They are normal. You read about six years and started looking for empty shops. The idea that engineering education gives you is to open a "playstation cafe". What a beautiful future he prepared for you. Of course, they're not guilty, "every university graduate will find a pedestal," they said, why, you did not listen. You're the culprit.

You want to start a family, the "community" don't let you to decide. You can't marry who you want. Big problem if you get married. Even when you are dreaming about the future, you do account for the end of the month with the woman / man you die from happiness. For a week holiday, you have to work together for a period of 35 months. Don't complain, it's your fault.

Unhappily spend 30 years seeing your dreams collapsed one by one and you retire. He refuses to initiate your retirement when he is on a world tour with the boat of the bosses you work for. You make an effort to get half your salary. The world tour is something you can laugh at, the years have taught you this. Just say "take my medicine." Drugs are hard enough. You expect to finish your time in this ****ing country in a corner. The only thing you can do is watch television in an apartment.

And then they say, "he's dead." They think you were living before you die.
 

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18 minutes ago, JellyThou said:

Being born in Turkey is something like choosing "hard" when you start a game.

There is a chance that you will be blown up on a public transport vehicle without growing up, even in the mother's womb. Without knowing anything, someone can end your life just because you were not born in Norway. New hopes to fly to the airport, you can leave in the blood of someone's arm. No one is guilty. You're guilty. It's your fault, you were born here.

If you're a woman, you're choosing "very hard." Without your own choice, you can be married to your uncle when you're ten years old. Or you may be involved in any foundation at that age, or you may be raped for walking on the road. State elders may say "women have jobs because they are looking for work." You can throw away your career dreams with your psychology. But no, you're a criminal.

When you're a soldier, they're ditching you at 3:00 a.m. to protect a rogue seat. You die at 20. Your lover, you will leave your future dreams in a blind spot. They say, "For the homeland." They get in the car, and your mother stays. And with a big flag. Tell the woman not to worry, you chose it. You're the culprit. Not they.

Anxiety of future causes the whites of hair at an early age. You did everything, completed your education with great hopes, but someone's cousin got what you wanted in front of you? They are normal. You read about six years and started looking for empty shops. The idea that engineering education gives you is to open a "playstation cafe". What a beautiful future he prepared for you. Of course, they're not guilty, "every university graduate will find a pedestal," they said, why, you did not listen. You're the culprit.

You want to start a family, the "community" don't let you to decide. You can't marry who you want. Big problem if you get married. Even when you are dreaming about the future, you do account for the end of the month with the woman / man you die from happiness. For a week holiday, you have to work together for a period of 35 months. Don't complain, it's your fault.

Unhappily spend 30 years seeing your dreams collapsed one by one and you retire. He refuses to initiate your retirement when he is on a world tour with the boat of the bosses you work for. You make an effort to get half your salary. The world tour is something you can laugh at, the years have taught you this. Just say "take my medicine." Drugs are hard enough. You expect to finish your time in this ****ing country in a corner. The only thing you can do is watch television in an apartment.

And then they say, "he's dead." They think you were living before you die.
 

I'm sorry to hear about things that people experience on the other side.  Posts

like your make me appreciate being an American even more than before.  Forgive

me for not being as appreciate as I should be for the life style that I have.  Be blessed

my friend and I wish nothing but the best for you and your family.

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So very tired today.  Got out for a drive/short walk with my wife in the sun.  Managed to just put on a smile and go this morning despite some dark thoughts and fear.  I'm exhausted from it now, all ,maybe that will lead to better sleep tonight !  I'm apprehensive about the coming week, but trying to stay connected to today.  I'm also feeling thankful for finding this forum. Another tool in my journey to getting healthy.  

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1 hour ago, Floor2017 said:

I'm glad you're feeling much better today my friend and I'm proud to hear that you had a

much better weekend than you thought you would.  😀

Thank you!  I found a great restaurant to eat at today.  It's always about food with me I guess.

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31 minutes ago, jeremiah said:

Sad to say, as much as I fear the world sometimes...it's never hurt me as much as my own family has.

The world is much kinder 🌍

I feel the same way.  My whole life I have been afraid of family most of all.  That's why I always say I want a family of my own.  I have to have that.  When family hurts you you live your whole life with an empty feeling.  

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3 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I feel the same way.  My whole life I have been afraid of family most of all.  That's why I always say I want a family of my own.  I have to have that.  When family hurts you you live your whole life with an empty feeling.  

Yep, I understand. I feel like I brought myself up and so I grew up the hard way. No support, comfort, security or peace of mind.

I swear if I'd been given half a chance I could have made a decent life for myself.

I'm hoping I can make a start soon, on my own terms. I say soon, because I'm still trapped in my family's toxic web and all I can think of is how to escape. 

It can be done but it will mean no contact and moving away. Getting away will most likely be fraught with their interference but this may be my only chance at some sort of peaceful life.

 

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32 minutes ago, jeremiah said:

Yep, I understand. I feel like I brought myself up and so I grew up the hard way. No support, comfort, security or peace of mind.

I swear if I'd been given half a chance I could have made a decent life for myself.

I'm hoping I can make a start soon, on my own terms. I say soon, because I'm still trapped in my family's toxic web and all I can think of is how to escape. 

It can be done but it will mean no contact and moving away. Getting away will most likely be fraught with their interference but this may be my only chance at some sort of peaceful life.

 

It's very sad what you wrote.  I agree with everything you said though.  I'm planning my exit strategy myself.  There is no fixing things with my family.  I have never fit in with them because thankfully I'm not like them.  Life is short I'm going to make a happy life for myself away from here.  It's not quite time for that but it will happen soon.

Edited by sober4life
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22 minutes ago, sober4life said:

It's very sad what you wrote.  I agree with everything you said though.  I'm planning my exit strategy myself.  There is no fixing things with my family.  I have never fit in with them because thankfully I'm not like them.  Life is short I'm going to make a happy life for myself away from here.  It's not quite time for that but it will happen soon.

Sometimes

'You just gotta do what you gotta do.'

I've tried a million different ways to have some sort of meaningful relationship with my family members and I have bent myself into a  million different shapes to try to get along with them.

Now, I just want to be myself. I don't think that's too much to ask.

 

 

 

Edited by jeremiah
Jazz hands
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I'm making a list today of all of the items I REALLY need to take with me on my next move. I'd really like to leave the furniture here. Whether I like it or not and regardless how much I spent on it, I'm just so sick of moving it all around. 

I must have moved 20 times in my life time. If not more. I will work it out and post it here lol.

Mostly, I've been running away from my family. 

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1 hour ago, jeremiah said:

I'm making a list today of all of the items I REALLY need to take with me on my next move. I'd really like to leave the furniture here. Whether I like it or not and regardless how much I spent on it, I'm just so sick of moving it all around. 

I must have moved 20 times in my life time. If not more. I will work it out and post it here lol.

Mostly, I've been running away from my family. 

You can reach escape velocity.

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11 hours ago, iWantRope said:

Well food won't backstab you or throw you under the bus..

I used the laugh emoji on the original post because this struck me funny. But yeah, food generally doesn't do that. It only makes me fat.

On edit: more accurately, stuffing food down my gullet makes me fat.

Edited by JD4010
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21 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

I used the laugh emoji on the original post because this struck me funny. But yeah, food generally doesn't do that. It only makes me fat.

On edit: more accurately, stuffing food down my gullet makes me fat.

Eating right and maintaining a healthy level of activity is important.  Then again I have always been a small and fit guy.  

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