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20YearsandCounting

How Do You Feel Right Now #8

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3 hours ago, sober4life said:

Thank you but I've given up on that part of my life.  My dream of having a family of my own has died.  I'm tired of trying to figure out why nobody likes me.  People are wonderful here.  If this was real life there would be hope but this isn't real life.  In real life there is no hope.

There is always hope as long as you can 

believe in it 

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1 hour ago, bellerose said:

What do you do when you are tired of being alive? Life seems bothersome to trudge through. I feel slightly depressed, but mainly fed up with the struggles that come along in life. Tbh, in comparison to most, life doesn't give me much troubles. But for a brain like mine, its enough for me to feel this way.

"but for a brain like mine, it's enough" says it all for me. 

Ditto.

My brain is often like an unbreakable, wild colt.  I need the Horse Whisperer for it, more than a shrink, I think.

Nevertheless, most days of the year, he lays in his stall eating carrots.  I hope yours does too!!!

These times are what we go through.  They pass!

Please remember that!

Hugs

Brian

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8 hours ago, Floor2017 said:

There is always hope as long as you can 

believe in it 

There is hope I know that.  Someone like me is made by a very tragic life.  I've been abused my whole life.  I've never felt loved until I came here.  It really screws a person up when they live their whole life feeling alone in this world.  The only people around are manipulative or abusive.  I'm so sick of being scared in this world.

Edited by sober4life

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15 hours ago, lonelyforeigner said:

All of us exist in the real world too 😉  I understand about giving up though, the odds of finding someone compatible seem insurmountable at times. Having a family of your own is obviously hard given the circumstances but I truly think there's still hope that you may find someone who likes you back someday. My grampa fell in love again in a retirement home in his 80s despite being a recluse. It can happen! But yeah, it's hard to keep up hope after a lifetime of rejection, I am there too. Funny thing is, I can find something that's lovable in just about everybody other than me, depression keeps you from viewing yourself objectively. 

I want children of my own more than anything.  I would do anything to have that even if I had to give up being myself forever.  If I had to wear a bear suit for the rest of my life to have a family of my own I would do it.

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I feel like a butterfly who is stuck in it's cocoon. I sometimes get out and fly around a bit but the next minuet I'm back struggling to get out again and live my life. Always struggling, never ending, and I just can't stop it.🙁I just want to live my life and not constantly be struggling to get out so that I can fly. 🦋 Can anyone relate?

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4 minutes ago, BeyondWeary said:

I feel like a butterfly who is stuck in it's cocoon. I sometimes get out and fly around a bit but the next minuet I'm back struggling to get out again and live my life. Always struggling, never ending, and I just can't stop it.🙁I just want to live my life and not constantly be struggling to get out so that I can fly. 🦋 Can anyone relate?

Yes, my friend you just must try to get out 

more until you become accustomed to 

flying around and enjoying the beauo

that Mother Nature has to offer us on 

a daily basis.

Fly my friend fly    🦋

 

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13 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I feel pretty good today.  The sun is shining today.  I need to go enjoy it.  Soon the sun will be gone for months.

Girl you better get out there and get 

you some of that ☀️.  I’m actually sitting 

in the truck absorbing it all in while my 

wife shop.    😎

 

 

   

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3 hours ago, BeyondWeary said:

I feel like a butterfly who is stuck in it's cocoon. I sometimes get out and fly around a bit but the next minuet I'm back struggling to get out again and live my life. Always struggling, never ending, and I just can't stop it.🙁I just want to live my life and not constantly be struggling to get out so that I can fly. 🦋 Can anyone relate?

I sure can, especially now that I'm in the dumps again.

 

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I think we all feel like that.  I'd love to be able to wake up every day and just do what I want.  The average person has no idea how lucky they are.  If I have to do something as simple as go get groceries I have to worry that I won't have the energy to make it back home.

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I am pretty happy right now. I increased revenue for two major client websites that had been declining in revenue and traffic for months. So I came on board and made some major changes to their sites, and voila! The money is on the up and up! At least so far this month -- we have to wait until the end of the month to see full results, but still..... I am thrilled beyond belief. My work is so nerve wracking because when you makes changes, you're not 100% sure of the results..... but I ran some tests in my last job and figured out a formula that worked with Google, so I am now applying that formula and I am seeing success --- PHEW. That's a HUGE sigh of relief. 

Also, I had a pretty nice/amazing vacation, so I am still glowing from that wonderful break in life. 

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1 hour ago, RiverLight said:

I am pretty happy right now. I increased revenue for two major client websites that had been declining in revenue and traffic for months. So I came on board and made some major changes to their sites, and voila! The money is on the up and up! At least so far this month -- we have to wait until the end of the month to see full results, but still..... I am thrilled beyond belief. My work is so nerve wracking because when you makes changes, you're not 100% sure of the results..... but I ran some tests in my last job and figured out a formula that worked with Google, so I am now applying that formula and I am seeing success --- PHEW. That's a HUGE sigh of relief. 

Also, I had a pretty nice/amazing vacation, so I am still glowing from that wonderful break in life. 

I'm very proud of you!  Your story definitely inspires me.  You give me hope that a better life is possible.

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On 10/17/2018 at 9:59 PM, bellerose said:

What do you do when you are tired of being alive? Life seems bothersome to trudge through. I feel slightly depressed, but mainly fed up with the struggles that come along in life. Tbh, in comparison to most, life doesn't give me much troubles. But for a brain like mine, its enough for me to feel this way.

I suppose that applies to me as well. I have a place to live and food to eat. I also have 2 cats! I live better than probably 90% of humanity on this planet. My job is stressful but it could be far, far worse.

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16 hours ago, sober4life said:

I think we all feel like that.  I'd love to be able to wake up every day and just do what I want.  The average person has no idea how lucky they are.  If I have to do something as simple as go get groceries I have to worry that I won't have the energy to make it back home.

That's really true, isn't it. It takes a lot of effort for me to do something seemingly simple, like shopping. I get in the mode of wanting to isolate as soon as the work day is done. Last thing I want to do is drag my carcass to a grocery store. Which reminds me. Every time I go to the grocery store, I can't decide what to buy. I always end up with the same crap...bananas, blueberries, strawberries, sourdough bread, and peanut butter. Sometimes I'll buy pasta and sauce, but that's elaborate for me. I used to make stir fry meals all of the time but I don't have the energy now.

@salparadise6132What did today bring for you? Sorry you are in the dumps (again). I'm picking at garbage in my own dump too.

I had something stupid happen to me last night that sent me spiraling down. Most people would merely shrug and go on with their lives. Me? I obsessed about it all night, replaying the incident over and over again instead of sleeping.

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I was doing pretty good for a week...I guess you could say that I was sort of happy for once. But it never lasts, and I had a rough night last night. I'm in school right now, and I'm trying to get work done in the library but I can't focus no matter how hard I try. I feel so empty inside. At least it's Friday.

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1 hour ago, JD4010 said:

That's really true, isn't it. It takes a lot of effort for me to do something seemingly simple, like shopping. I get in the mode of wanting to isolate as soon as the work day is done. Last thing I want to do is drag my carcass to a grocery store. Which reminds me. Every time I go to the grocery store, I can't decide what to buy. I always end up with the same crap...bananas, blueberries, strawberries, sourdough bread, and peanut butter. Sometimes I'll buy pasta and sauce, but that's elaborate for me. I used to make stir fry meals all of the time but I don't have the energy now.

@salparadise6132What did today bring for you? Sorry you are in the dumps (again). I'm picking at garbage in my own dump too.

I had something stupid happen to me last night that sent me spiraling down. Most people would merely shrug and go on with their lives. Me? I obsessed about it all night, replaying the incident over and over again instead of sleeping.

Boy do I get that, JD!  Some little thing - and boom - your mind thinks it's been hit by something ejected from the Enola Gay.

I was better yesterday.  Too early to tell about today.  I've been in a down cycle and it will take time for me to get out of it.  A lot of ups and downs!

Take care, my friend!  I am going to PM you about another matter, if that's OK?

Cheers

Brian

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2 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I have a PTSD episode every time I leave the house and a depressive episode every time I stay home.  I hate life!

I’m sorry my friend that you are 

experiencing some anxiety from time 

to time when leaving and staying home 

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