sober4life Posted October 7, 2018 Share Posted October 7, 2018 1 minute ago, evalynn said: Would it make me a terrible person to lie and say I have a pdoc appointment I can't reschedule? No I would probably say that. I can't go to funerals. The last one I went to was for one of my best friends and I said I would never go to another funeral. If it's going to make you sick why go? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JD4010 Posted October 7, 2018 Share Posted October 7, 2018 (edited) 8 minutes ago, evalynn said: Would it make me a terrible person to lie and say I have a pdoc appointment I can't reschedule? This sounds like something I would do. I've used similar excuses before. Like sober says above, if attending the funeral makes you feel awful, then why do it? I went to my mom's funeral and remembered her saying how badly she hated funerals while I helped carry her coffin. I somehow need to get over the guilt of not "being there" for my family members. They don't understand my isolation of course. I'm not sure what to feel any more. Edited October 7, 2018 by JD4010 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nightjar Posted October 7, 2018 Share Posted October 7, 2018 2 minutes ago, sober4life said: No I would probably say that. I can't go to funerals. The last one I went to was for one of my best friends and I said I would never go to another funeral. If it's going to make you sick why go? No, I agree. We've got your back on this one 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted October 7, 2018 Share Posted October 7, 2018 3 minutes ago, JD4010 said: This sounds like something I would do. I've used similar excuses before. Like sober says above, if attending the funeral makes you feel awful, then why do it? I went to my mom's funeral and remembered her saying how badly she hated funerals while I helped carry her coffin. I somehow need to get over the guilt of not "being there" for my family members. They don't understand my isolation of course. I'm not sure what to feel any more. I have a lot of guilt over deaths in my life. I was very close with my grandpa. He died from a heart attack when I was in jail. I've always told myself he had a heart attack and died because I went to jail. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
evalynn Posted October 8, 2018 Share Posted October 8, 2018 Thank you guys for all the support. I am agonizing over this, and even that is making me feel like I'm being selfish, making it all about ME and how I feel and not the person who died, my grandmother who I wouldn't exist if not for her. But I really, really get anxious in uncomfortable situations and this would be one for sure. I want to be the good daughter and be there for my dad--especially with all he does for me, he's practically our handyman--but I just...don't know if I can force myself to do it. I just hope my family doesn't think badly of me. I wish they could understand what my level of anxiety feels like, but it's not something I know how to explain and talking about our feelings isn't really how our relationships work. I will probably end up going with the psyschiatrist excuse if I need to. I really could use something right now ( a took a few lorazepam but that's all asI'm off other meds for the moment since I'm (somewhat) trying to get pregnant (which is a whole other story lol). Pills have never done much for me anyway. That's why I count on TV and internet and my room and surrounding myself with things that make me feel safe. And I've never been good with feelings. I had a doctor tell me once that I'm afraid of them, and only sometimes do I think I understand what she meant. But I've been going on for too long now and I don't know what I'm even talking about right now so I'll stop this emotional diarrhea. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
evalynn Posted October 8, 2018 Share Posted October 8, 2018 52 minutes ago, sober4life said: I have a lot of guilt over deaths in my life. I was very close with my grandpa. He died from a heart attack when I was in jail. I've always told myself he had a heart attack and died because I went to jail. I'm sure he loved you very much. And I'm not a spiritual person, but it's in the realm of possibility that he knows and understands how much you love him. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted October 8, 2018 Share Posted October 8, 2018 I can't talk about feelings with any of my family except for mom. We are both constant feelings and out of control emotions. The rest of the family would never talk about mental health no matter what and they all have issues that's for sure! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted October 8, 2018 Share Posted October 8, 2018 (edited) 3 minutes ago, evalynn said: I'm sure he loved you very much. And I'm not a spiritual person, but it's in the realm of possibility that he knows and understands how much you love him. Thank you. He knew I loved him. As a child I was always at his house. I had to escape the nightmare at home. He was the best grandpa ever! Edited October 8, 2018 by sober4life 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RiverLight Posted October 8, 2018 Share Posted October 8, 2018 Disgusted. People on another forum have no morals, integrity or anything. I am totally disgusted right now by people in general. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steveab63 Posted October 8, 2018 Share Posted October 8, 2018 i would say im not emotionally well enough to handle this right now. Personally im done with funerals...cant do it. Everyone is just going to have to get over it where im concerned. Id rather remember people as they were alive. I have enough funeral 'pictures' etched into my brain that will haunt me forever. Im happy about the ones i didnt attend, i can remember the good instead of the bad. Sorry, i have serious issues with death. If you had to comfort someone else that was attending, that would be slightly more pressure in my mind, but it sounds like thats sufficiently covered. If youre over 18, what you do is up to you, no one else. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cherryvlossom Posted October 8, 2018 Share Posted October 8, 2018 It's Sunday night, and I'm usually quite depressed on Sunday nights. I interacted with a lot of people today, but I still felt invisible. I always feel lonely no matter who's around and I hate it. I honestly don't want to wake up and go to class and then work tomorrow, but I guess there's really no choice huh? Lately, I've been thinking about asking my Dr to up my dose for my medications cause it's just not the same anymore. I don't care if it doesn't let me sleep, I just don't want to feel like this anymore Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chucapabra Posted October 8, 2018 Share Posted October 8, 2018 Ugly sad stupid Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeatherG Posted October 8, 2018 Share Posted October 8, 2018 mad at myself. so much to do and I don't have any energy to get things done. Nothing worse than disappointing myself. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
womanofthelight Posted October 8, 2018 Share Posted October 8, 2018 On 10/6/2018 at 7:31 AM, sober4life said: I hate seeing you in so much pain. I'm always here for you. We all love you here! Thank you, Sober. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ComeHereOften Posted October 8, 2018 Share Posted October 8, 2018 Wishing I knew why I felt depressed. All I know is I do and I can’t ever pinpoint exactly why... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iWantRope Posted October 8, 2018 Share Posted October 8, 2018 25 minutes ago, ComeHereOften said: Wishing I knew why I felt depressed. All I know is I do and I can’t ever pinpoint exactly why... Depression are mostly 2 kinds: situational & financial. Situational means you get depressed because disastrously catastrophic circumstances have been happening to you continuously for the past 2 or more years. Financial: lack of money, low paying job. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RiverLight Posted October 8, 2018 Share Posted October 8, 2018 Very IRKED. People on this other forum are toxic. I don't know why I even bother there. Two different people dumped on me because I am very happy and because my fiance treats me very well. Well, I'm sorry if you're in a bad situation with your own boyfriend, but don't come down on me because I am happy and you're jealous of that. GEEZ! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Floor2017 Posted October 8, 2018 Share Posted October 8, 2018 (edited) 6 minutes ago, RiverLight said: Very IRKED. People on this other forum are toxic. I don't know why I even bother there. Two different people dumped on me because I am very happy and because my fiance treats me very well. Well, I'm sorry if you're in a bad situation with your own boyfriend, but don't come down on me because I am happy and you're jealous of that. GEEZ! Trust me, I really understand what you are going through it is almost like people much rather hear a sad depressing story than a good one. Hang in there my friend and I appreciate your good fortunes. Edited October 8, 2018 by Floor2017 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RiverLight Posted October 8, 2018 Share Posted October 8, 2018 2 minutes ago, Floor2017 said: Trust me, I really understand what you are going through it is almost like people much rather hear a sad depressing story than a good one. Hang in there my friend and I appreciate your good fortunes. Thank you so much, Floor. It is SO true. People on this other forum don't like to hear anything positive. All it does is make them envious, negative and mean. What the hell. People should be happy to see others happy. If they want that for their own lives, they've gotta make it happen. I made it happen for myself with a lot of work. And if you're unhappy in a relationship, then get out for crying out loud. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
20YearsandCounting Posted October 8, 2018 Author Share Posted October 8, 2018 9 hours ago, chucapabra said: Ugly sad stupid Really missed seeing you around the boards. Glad you're back, sorry you are struggling with these feelings. You. Are. Amazing. & Beautiful! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Floor2017 Posted October 8, 2018 Share Posted October 8, 2018 2 hours ago, ComeHereOften said: Wishing I knew why I felt depressed. All I know is I do and I can’t ever pinpoint exactly why... I feel you my friend and I know your pain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Floor2017 Posted October 8, 2018 Share Posted October 8, 2018 (edited) 23 minutes ago, RiverLight said: Thank you so much, Floor. It is SO true. People on this other forum don't like to hear anything positive. All it does is make them envious, negative and mean. What the hell. People should be happy to see others happy. If they want that for their own lives, they've gotta make it happen. I made it happen for myself with a lot of work. And if you're unhappy in a relationship, then get out for crying out loud. I agree my friend and we will have to continue to fight for our own happiness Edited October 8, 2018 by Floor2017 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RiverLight Posted October 8, 2018 Share Posted October 8, 2018 5 minutes ago, Floor2017 said: I agree my friend and we will have to continue to fight for our own happiness Thank you vm! We DO have to fight for it. It took a lot of years and a lot of miserable circumstances for me to get through, and I personally had to fight for it myself. It's well worth it in the end. We are each responsible for our own happiness.... we have to create it and carve it out for ourselves. It's the only way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Floor2017 Posted October 8, 2018 Share Posted October 8, 2018 1 minute ago, RiverLight said: Thank you vm! We DO have to fight for it. It took a lot of years and a lot of miserable circumstances for me to get through, and I personally had to fight for it myself. It's well worth it in the end. We are each responsible for our own happiness.... we have to create it and carve it out for ourselves. It's the only way. So, true my friend and for each of us happiness might come to us in a very different way. Also, we must recognize happiness when we see it. Hugs for happiness in everyone life. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Floor2017 Posted October 8, 2018 Share Posted October 8, 2018 I feel like I’m trapped in a world that doesn’t really care about the majority of average class working citizens. This probably is one of my biggest triggering factors for my depression and anxiety. Knowing no matter what I do things want change for me. Despite this flaw with mankind I still try to remain up beat and persevere on with joy and happiness in my heart for everyone. Hugs for all the hurting people in the world . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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