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20YearsandCounting

How Do You Feel Right Now #8

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1 minute ago, evalynn said:

Would it make me a terrible person to lie and say I have a pdoc appointment I can't reschedule?

No I would probably say that.  I can't go to funerals.  The last one I went to was for one of my best friends and I said I would never go to another funeral.  If it's going to make you sick why go?

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8 minutes ago, evalynn said:

Would it make me a terrible person to lie and say I have a pdoc appointment I can't reschedule?

This sounds like something I would do. I've used similar excuses before. Like sober says above, if attending the funeral makes you feel awful, then why do it? I went to my mom's funeral and remembered her saying how badly she hated funerals while I helped carry her coffin.

I somehow need to get over the guilt of not "being there" for my family members. They don't understand my isolation of course. I'm not sure what to feel any more.

Edited by JD4010

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2 minutes ago, sober4life said:

No I would probably say that.  I can't go to funerals.  The last one I went to was for one of my best friends and I said I would never go to another funeral.  If it's going to make you sick why go?

No, I agree. We've got your back on this one 🤫

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3 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

This sounds like something I would do. I've used similar excuses before. Like sober says above, if attending the funeral makes you feel awful, then why do it? I went to my mom's funeral and remembered her saying how badly she hated funerals while I helped carry her coffin.

I somehow need to get over the guilt of not "being there" for my family members. They don't understand my isolation of course. I'm not sure what to feel any more.

I have a lot of guilt over deaths in my life.  I was very close with my grandpa.  He died from a heart attack when I was in jail.  I've always told myself he had a heart attack and died because I went to jail.

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Thank you guys for all the support. I am agonizing over this, and even that is making me feel like I'm being selfish, making it all about  ME and how I feel and not the person who died, my grandmother who I wouldn't exist if not for her. But I really, really get anxious in uncomfortable situations and this would be one for sure. I want to be the good daughter and be there for my dad--especially with all he does for me, he's practically our handyman--but I just...don't know if I can force myself to do it. I just hope my family doesn't think badly of me. I wish they could understand what my level of anxiety feels like, but it's not something I know how to explain and talking about our feelings isn't really how our relationships work. I will probably end up going with the psyschiatrist excuse if I need to. I really could use something right now ( a took a few lorazepam but that's all  asI'm off other meds for the moment since I'm (somewhat) trying to get pregnant (which is a whole other story lol). Pills have never done much for me anyway. That's why I count on TV and internet and my room and surrounding myself with things that make me feel safe. And I've never been good with feelings. I had a doctor tell me once that I'm afraid of them, and only sometimes do I think I understand what she meant. But I've been going on for too long now and I don't know what I'm even talking about right now so I'll stop this emotional diarrhea. 

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52 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I have a lot of guilt over deaths in my life.  I was very close with my grandpa.  He died from a heart attack when I was in jail.  I've always told myself he had a heart attack and died because I went to jail.

:hugs:I'm sure he loved  you very much. And I'm not a spiritual person, but it's in the realm of possibility that he knows and understands how much you love him.

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I can't talk about feelings with any of my family except for mom.  We are both constant feelings and out of control emotions.  The rest of the family would never talk about mental health no matter what and they all have issues that's for sure!

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3 minutes ago, evalynn said:

:hugs:I'm sure he loved  you very much. And I'm not a spiritual person, but it's in the realm of possibility that he knows and understands how much you love him.

Thank you.  He knew I loved him.  As a child I was always at his house.  I had to escape the nightmare at home.  He was the best grandpa ever!

Edited by sober4life

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i would say im not emotionally well enough to handle this right now.

Personally im done with funerals...cant do it. Everyone is just going to have to get over it where im concerned.

Id rather remember people as they were alive. I have enough funeral 'pictures' etched into my brain that will haunt me forever. Im happy about the ones i didnt attend, i can remember the good instead of the bad.

Sorry, i have serious issues with death.

If you had to comfort someone else that was attending, that would be slightly more pressure in my mind, but it sounds like thats sufficiently covered.

If youre over 18, what you do is up to you, no one else.

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It's Sunday night, and I'm usually quite depressed on Sunday nights. I interacted with a lot of people today, but I still felt invisible. I always feel lonely no matter who's around and I hate it. I honestly don't want to wake up and go to class and then work tomorrow, but I guess there's really no choice huh? Lately, I've been thinking about asking my Dr to up my dose for my medications cause it's just not the same anymore. I don't care if it doesn't let me sleep, I just don't want to feel like this anymore 😕

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25 minutes ago, ComeHereOften said:

Wishing I knew why I felt depressed. All I know is I do and I can’t ever pinpoint exactly why...

Depression are mostly 2 kinds: situational & financial. Situational means you get depressed because disastrously catastrophic circumstances have been happening to you continuously for the past 2 or more years.

Financial: lack of money, low paying job.

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Very IRKED. People on this other forum are toxic. I don't know why I even bother there. Two different people dumped on me because I am very happy and because my fiance treats me very well. Well, I'm sorry if you're in a bad situation with your own boyfriend, but don't come down on me because I am happy and you're jealous of that. GEEZ! 

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6 minutes ago, RiverLight said:

Very IRKED. People on this other forum are toxic. I don't know why I even bother there. Two different people dumped on me because I am very happy and because my fiance treats me very well. Well, I'm sorry if you're in a bad situation with your own boyfriend, but don't come down on me because I am happy and you're jealous of that. GEEZ! 

Trust me, I really understand what you 

are going through it is almost like people 

much rather hear a sad depressing story 

than a good one.  Hang in there my friend

and I appreciate your good fortunes.  

:hugs:

Edited by Floor2017

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2 minutes ago, Floor2017 said:

Trust me, I really understand what you 

are going through it is almost like people 

much rather hear a sad depressing story 

than a good one.  Hang in there my friend

and I appreciate your good fortunes.  

:hugs:

Thank you so much, Floor. It is SO true. People on this other forum don't like to hear anything positive. All it does is make them envious, negative and mean. What the hell. People should be happy to see others happy. If they want that for their own lives, they've gotta make it happen. I made it happen for myself with a lot of work.  And if you're unhappy in a relationship, then get out for crying out loud. 

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2 hours ago, ComeHereOften said:

Wishing I knew why I felt depressed. All I know is I do and I can’t ever pinpoint exactly why...

I feel you my friend and I know your 

pain :hugs:

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23 minutes ago, RiverLight said:

Thank you so much, Floor. It is SO true. People on this other forum don't like to hear anything positive. All it does is make them envious, negative and mean. What the hell. People should be happy to see others happy. If they want that for their own lives, they've gotta make it happen. I made it happen for myself with a lot of work.  And if you're unhappy in a relationship, then get out for crying out loud. 

I agree my friend and we will have to 

continue to fight for our own happiness 

Edited by Floor2017

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5 minutes ago, Floor2017 said:

I agree my friend and we will have to 

continue to fight for our own happiness 

Thank you vm! We DO have to fight for it. It took a lot of years and a lot of miserable circumstances for me to get through, and I personally had to fight for it myself. It's well worth it in the end. We are each responsible for our own happiness.... we have to create it and carve it out for ourselves. It's the only way. 

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1 minute ago, RiverLight said:

Thank you vm! We DO have to fight for it. It took a lot of years and a lot of miserable circumstances for me to get through, and I personally had to fight for it myself. It's well worth it in the end. We are each responsible for our own happiness.... we have to create it and carve it out for ourselves. It's the only way. 

So, true my friend and for each of us 

happiness might come to us in a very 

different way.  Also, we must recognize 

happiness when we see it.  Hugs for 

happiness in everyone life. :hugs:

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I feel like I’m trapped in a world that

doesn’t really care about the majority 

of average class working citizens.  This

probably is one of my biggest triggering 

factors for my depression and anxiety.

Knowing no matter what I do things 

want change for me.  Despite this flaw

with mankind I still try to remain up beat

and persevere on with joy and happiness 

in my heart for everyone.  Hugs for all 

the hurting people in the world 🌎.  :hugs:

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