Jump to content

How Do You Feel Right Now #8


Recommended Posts

I feel sad these 2-3 days. I cant find any reason. My work is as usuall, nothing different, I did my routine job as usual. 

I can't get rid the thought of death for myself after reading the last post of our friend in here. Everyday I'm waiting for my last day.

Edited by Camellia
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm a bit energized. Just finished a performance review at work. I continue to suck, but I'm apparently making a little progress towards sucking less. I gotta pull it all together in the next 2 weeks or I'll get the bum's rush out the back door. As bad as I can hate the job, I desperately need the money (as we all do). Gotta keep that hamster wheel spinning.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

finally feeling human again. have a very short list of tasks for the day and the whole day to do it. it's the perfect setup for either accomplishment or procrastination. my tasks are finishing my quilt, work out, and prepare dinner. very accomplishable today. the quilting will be fun but difficult since i'm a beginner, so it may take up most of my day. that's what i'm hoping at least. 

as i was writing this post i received a message from a recruiter at a place i've been applying to. hopefully I'll hear some good news when i call them back today. a bit too anxious to do it now though. gotta prepare.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Kinda all over the place...relief, anxiety, "guilt"

Made three calls.  One to get an extension of a couple weeks for Mom's physical therapy at home.  It appears it will get her cardiologist's approval.

The other two were for my dental...cleanings and an extraction consultation.  Not anxious about the procedures, but that I pushed my envelope a bit by scheduling early appointments (I'm lousy in the morning and they may wipe me out for the rest of the day).  But I just want to get this sh#t done and off my mind.

The relief is that I actually was able to make the calls.  The "guilt" is that I feel I should also mow my yard this week and idk that I have the stamina.  I feel like I may be treading in dangerous territory.

Edited by MarkintheDark
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, MarkintheDark said:

Kinda all over the place...relief, anxiety, "guilt"

Made three calls.  One to get an extension of a couple weeks for Mom's physical therapy at home.  It appears it will get her cardiologist's approval.

The other two were for my dental...cleanings and an extraction consultation.  Not anxious about the procedures, but that I pushed my envelope a bit by scheduling early appointments (I'm lousy in the morning and they may wipe me out for the rest of the day).  But I just want to get this sh#t done and off my mind.

The relief is that I actually was able to make the calls.  The "guilt" is that I feel I should also mow my yard this week and idk that I have the stamina.  I feel like I may be treading in dangerous territory.

You are exactly like me.  I had a nightmare day today and all day my mind was making me feel guilty about the yard that needs mowed.  Yes the grass is a foot high but I will get to it when I can.  My mind never lets me rest.  All day every day I have to do this.  I have to do that!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 9/2/2018 at 3:04 AM, RiverLight said:

Yes, if you want to! It took me a very long time, but I finally found true love. I know what it's like to feel lonely. But I truly believe that if you want something badly enough, it will find you or you will find it. ((((Hugs))))) 

Thank you ❤️ I really hope so...

On 9/2/2018 at 3:48 AM, sober4life said:

You will find that person one day and that person will be the luckiest person in the world.  I would give anything to come on here one day and see a post from you saying you are happier than you have ever been and you have exactly the life you want.

Thank you, so kind of you. I hope so, truly...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm seriously tearing up because my dad just informed me that my favorite restaurant in my hometown, the one I used to go to all the time with my mom for the best lobster rolls and clam chowder and views of the beach, unexpectedly closed down. It's just a restaurant, but it was the number one thing on my list for my trip next month and I feel like someone just stabbed me in the childhood.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm feeling sick of the person I am. Yesterday, I felt fine with myself, but today, I suck at being me.

12 minutes ago, evalynn said:

I'm seriously tearing up because my dad just informed me that my favorite restaurant in my hometown, the one I used to go to all the time with my mom for the best lobster rolls and clam chowder and views of the beach, unexpectedly closed down. It's just a restaurant, but it was the number one thing on my list for my trip next month and I feel like someone just stabbed me in the childhood.

I know exactly how that feels @evalynn I'd always assumed a certain place would be there forever (it's where I had my first grilled cheese sandwich in a restaurant and I lo-o-o-oved it!).  "Stabbed in the childhood' is a perfect phrase.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Irritated. It's my Mum's death anniversary today but that's not really why I'm bummed out.

Relatives telling me how they want to see my older brother and asking questions about him (I have not been on speaking terms with him in years).

My Mum STILL doesn't have a headstone after 5+ years because my other brother has taken over on that front and for whatever reason he keeps waffling on the headstone design. My aunt was guilt-tripping me about it on the phone today and it's like, okay, do you think I haven't been pushing for a headstone to be finished for years now?

But my dad enables both my brothers, my say means jacksquat, and I get to be the spokesperson answering questions from relatives. I was asking my dad to phone my aunt and say thank you for some fruits she left at our front door on his birthday. He kept putting it off saying she would phone eventually (like how rude is that?) until I just decided to phone her and thank her myself.

My therapist is always wondering why I'm so codependent on my family. I think a large part is because somehow the things they do end up reflecting badly on me. I'm just done with it. I don't want to feel responsible for other people's irresponsibility anymore. I've already got a full plate with my own irresponsibility.

/rant

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Still tired. Had to shop after "work" today, but spent the rest of the evening watching The Wire with Bryan, working on a wire suncatcher that I'm making, and porch sitting with the neighbors.

Had a bit of a relationship chat stemming from the ghosts of secretive phone usage from Bryan's and my past. In some moments, I'm not sure how to move on from such a betrayal, but then 99% of the time, I don't even think about it and realize how thoroughly he's evolved from this debacle.

But yeah, I'm tired, as always. My mind has been shot today.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Things should be much better today.  I have to mow my yard and actually do a good job this time because family will be here tomorrow and I have to make it seem like I'm keeping this place going.  I'm the master of laziness and rest but also the master of keeping up appearances.  I'm sure I will put on a good show for them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Frustrated.  Arrived at 8:15 for an 8:30 dental appointment.  Waited until 9:00...and nothing.  I walked out.  Wasted two hours of my morning.

Oh, NOW they're leaving messages for me.  I'm ignoring them until I cool off.

 

Edited by MarkintheDark
Link to comment
Share on other sites

i just keep dipping into it. i'll be fine, then suddenly sad and/or irritable. i feel like i can't predict how i'm going to feel. it's really a bummer. all i can do is numb the pain. we'll see how that goes. at least i won't be alone for part of it. but once i am alone, i hope it won't hurt as much.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...