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How Do You Feel Right Now #8


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3 hours ago, Lynn1954 said:

I understand, thanks for explaining.

While your mom is living with you, will you be able to have access to "Home and Community Based Services" that send nursing help, cleaning help, shopping help, etc. ?  Every county has a local "Area Agency on Aging" and many of those services are available to all homebound seniors, whether financially challenged or financially well-off.

The extra assistance can really help with the stress for both you and your mom.

Thank you I will make sure I get all the help I can.  She is only 60 years old.  All of this happened because of a botched surgery and medical malpractice that I will not let them get away with.

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35 minutes ago, bellerose said:

 

Still hating myself. This is the depression kicking in but that doesn’t really make me feel better knowing that. It just makes me feel broken and flawed more than a normal human being.

 

I like to think of it as I have a serious illness to deal with that others don’t have. If I didn’t have it, I would be no more broken and flawed than a normal person. Hang in there, bellerose, and let’s work at not being hard on ourselves. 

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3 hours ago, roadking02 said:

 On a good note Saturday I took off work (the 15th) and went to Knoxville to finally ride a Triumph Thruxton R. I have been looking at them for well over a year and I have finally found the motorcycle I've been looking for. Since my left hand is messed up the clutch is going to instantly decide on if I can even ride the thing in the first place. To my surprise the clutch on this Thruxton was actually even easier to pull than the one on my Ninja. The dealership let me out on my own which was nice. I was able to ride it on main roads and the high way for a bit. I also took it to a parking lot and did some slow speed things just to make sure I could make emergency turns if I ever needed to. What else surprised me was the size of the Thruxton overall. It's not that much bigger than my Ninja but the engine certainly is. The Thruxton is literally the most powerful motorcycle I've ridden which actually made it the easiest to ride because I didn't have to rev it up really high to get anywhere. Still will be waiting until Spring to get one but it'll certainly be worth the wait 🙂

Wow. I'm living vicariously through you here!  I'm envious of your ability to ride big & fast bikes. They still fascinate me, even though I no longer ride.

I enjoy the high torque engines like that Thruxton has. I frankly don't like the 9000 RPM shifts...even though that's where the power is made. Same with cars--I'd rather have large displacement engines that have a lot of grunt at low RPM, instead of smaller engines that you have to wind the whee out of all the time. My old minivan has a pushrod V6 in it. Great torque at low RPM--just the way it should be for a heavy vehicle!

Sorry, I geek out with gearhead stuff.

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1 hour ago, bellerose said:

Still hating myself. This is the depression kicking in but that doesn’t really make me feel better knowing that. It just makes me feel broken and flawed more than a normal human being.

I so get this feeling. It's the worst. Feeling like some sort of subhuman species! Not nice. 

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3 hours ago, vega57 said:

At my age I've finally accepted that nothing, absolutely nothing will fix whatever the hell is broken and I've resigned myself to quit pretending. 

I wonder if we are of similar age. If I was a horse, I would have been put out to pasture long ago. In fact, I'd probably be glue by now. But in this wonderful society in which we live, we have to work like fiends until we die.

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2 hours ago, HeatherG said:

Mom's commenting on my lack of a life.  🤬

OMG OMG!! I have this from my mother. She calls me a hermit. It's the worst insult I could imagine.  It makes me furious too and I haven't spoken to her in months after the last time she said it. Time before, it was months too!

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13 minutes ago, jeremiah said:
2 hours ago, HeatherG said:

 

OMG OMG!! I have this from my mother. She calls me a hermit. It's the worst insult I could imagine.  It makes me furious too and I haven't spoken to her in months after the last time she said it. Time before, it was months too!

I think we need to be hermits in ways to survive and if other people don’t understand it, then they aren’t dealing with their own pain and that’s too bad for them. 

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2 hours ago, velvetpuddles said:

Extremely tired these last few days, more so than usual. I've been sleeping so much. Can barely get myself to work today. Gloomy, rainy days don't help.

The weather and the seasons affect me big time!  Knowing that winter is coming terrifies me!

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28 minutes ago, BeyondWeary said:

I think we need to be hermits in ways to survive and if other people don’t understand it, then they aren’t dealing with their own pain and that’s too bad for them. 

I do have to hide away to survive.  99 percent of people make me literally sick when I'm around them.

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2 hours ago, sober4life said:

The weather and the seasons affect me big time!  Knowing that winter is coming terrifies me!

Me too! I'm so tired of the heat and humidity, but I need sunlight and the ability to sit outside or walk without freezing. I'm afraid of how I'll handle the cold and dark winter right now!

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33 minutes ago, velvetpuddles said:

Me too! I'm so tired of the heat and humidity, but I need sunlight and the ability to sit outside or walk without freezing. I'm afraid of how I'll handle the cold and dark winter right now!

I know it goes 3 or 4 months without ever seeing the sun here during the winter and the vitamin D and depression lights do almost nothing for me.  Every winter I barely make it.  People say I should move to Alaska with family.  Yeah right I can't imagine what the seasonal depression would be like there!

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2 hours ago, sober4life said:

I know it goes 3 or 4 months without ever seeing the sun here during the winter and the vitamin D and depression lights do almost nothing for me.  Every winter I barely make it.  People say I should move to Alaska with family.  Yeah right I can't imagine what the seasonal depression would be like there!

I've never tried supplements or the lights, but I really can't imagine them helping much! There's nothing like fresh air and sunshine. We are geographical neighbors, so I know you understand all the overcast all the time in this region. We'll get through it as we always do. 😁

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6 hours ago, JD4010 said:

I wonder if we are of similar age. If I was a horse, I would have been put out to pasture long ago. In fact, I'd probably be glue by now. But in this wonderful society in which we live, we have to work like fiends until we die.

Lol. And then comes the real let down. The repetitive nature of mental illness and it's gride coupled with the "other" things of life at certain point just get to be a bit much. But then I wonder: if I didn't have mental illness would I really be me. Lol. Sad, just sad. 

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Lost and forgotten cause I'm grieving...I think?

See, I generally don't handle separations well, even if they're temporary. And I have this friend whom I'm very, very close to and she's on vacation for three weeks And it doesn't help that I'm honestly afraid that she's not going to come back , dumb as that sounds.

Plus, this is the longest I've ever been apart from her, and even though we've been apart before, it wasn't for such a long time. I...I'm not handling this well at all tbh.

And even though I could email her, I also don't want to interrupt her vacation...so idk what I'm going to do. Missing somebody isn't a joke, I swear.

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1 hour ago, tanfrancing said:

See, I generally don't handle separations well, even if they're temporary. And I have this friend whom I'm very, very close to and she's on vacation for three weeks And it doesn't help that I'm honestly afraid that she's not going to come back , dumb as that sounds.

Could "lost and forgotten" also be called a feeling of abandonment?  And, no, it's not dumb.

Depression can magnify those kinds of emotions for me.  Quite frankly, I come here to dump a lot of it just to "take out the trash," so to speak.  Clears my head a bit...and can even give me a perspective that actually FEELS a little bit better.

I wonder if a short email or text telling her you miss her AND wishing her well on her vacay would be helpful.  Reason I mention that is isolation is something a lot of us do in depression.  Yeah, for me it's sometimes forced, but reaching out like that - a huge step for me sometimes - is my attempt to break the isolation.

While I'm at it, you have any social outlets?  PM if you prefer.

Edited by MarkintheDark
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I do understand my friend.  Get it girl and

rest after it.  I usually do that the last day 

before I go back to work.  It makes me 

feel good to drive upon the yard and see 

a well maintained yard.  It lets me I have 

something to live for and to work for 

my family and the lifestyle we enjoy 

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