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How Do You Feel Right Now #8


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I just bought a pair of $250 tall boots to replace my old ones that are now unwearable. Yes, very expensive, but heck, I have expensive taste and it makes me feel better. 

And... I just realized now I REALLY have to lose the weight I've gained in the last year. ARGH. I've put on extra weight living with my fiance. I want to look fantastic in my wedding dress! I know it sounds superficial, but what bride doesn't want to look beautiful in her special gown, right?? 

Edited by RiverLight
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1 hour ago, HeatherG said:

Thank you for taking care of our little furry creatures!   I do hope the recovery won't be as excruciating as their telling you.  Yes please keep in touch with us.  I wish you the best 🙂

Thank you for your kindness!! I have a 6 toed two eye colored kitty laying on my lap rn. 🙂 

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1 hour ago, RiverLight said:

I just bought a pair of $250 tall boots to replace my old ones that are now unwearable. Yes, very expensive, but heck, I have expensive taste and it makes me feel better. 

And... I just realized now I REALLY have to lose the weight I've gained in the last year. ARGH. I've put on extra weight living with my fiance. I want to look fantastic in my wedding dress! I know it sounds superficial, but what bride doesn't want to look beautiful in her special gown, right?? 

Would love to see a pic of those boots!! Treat yo'self..LOL It is not superficial to have the desire to look amazing on your wedding day. I am sure your fiance' loves you the way you are. How much time do you have before your special day if I may ask?

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1 hour ago, nhyris said:

Got a cold. Not feeling very motivated. I always get anxious when I'm sick. So many things I feel like I should be doing but can't. Also, have to make sure the rest of my family does not get sick.

I hope you feel better.. :hugs:

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10 hours ago, mistfied said:

Would love to see a pic of those boots!! Treat yo'self..LOL It is not superficial to have the desire to look amazing on your wedding day. I am sure your fiance' loves you the way you are. How much time do you have before your special day if I may ask?

The boots are beautiful! They're a maroon color with laces all up the back to the knee. 

And thanks! Yeah, I suppose every bride wants to look good, right? We haven't set an exact date yet, but we know it will be next year sometime and in Florida where his parents are. 

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12 hours ago, anon22ae said:

Back after years... amazing what happens when the same sort of deepest depression hits again. Sort of like being repeatedly kicked in the head or dissected alive... ☹️

Hello, anon22ae:

I'm so sorry that your depression came back.  I hope you find some comfort by posting here.  Especially on this specific thread, the people are so caring and compassionate.

I'm so grateful to have this DF forum, but I have a fantasy wish that all of us could solve our problems 100% and not need to be here!!

Do you want to tell us more about your depression returning?  Is it situational, or did your meds stop working, or no known reason?

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9 hours ago, Kogent5 said:

I've slowly but surely ruined my life. I want a do-over.

Hello, Kogent5,

I could've written those words about myself!!

I feel that I made so many mistakes that caused many or my troubles.

Depression and sadness are especially difficult when you believe that you caused them yourself.

My situations where I can honestly feel "That wasn't my fault" are so much easier to handle than the sharp knowledge of "That was all my fault."

Although I haven't started yet, I'm about to begin reading some books with the themes of "forgive yourself" and "starting over despite previous mistakes."

Long answer just to let you know that what you wrote resonated with me. 

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13 hours ago, nhyris said:

Got a cold. Not feeling very motivated. I always get anxious when I'm sick. So many things I feel like I should be doing but can't. Also, have to make sure the rest of my family does not get sick.

I'm sorry you're sick, and I hope the cold passes fast.

I understand your anxiety of thinking about what you "should" be doing, but remember that taking care of your body when sick is an active thing to do, not a passive thing to do  !!  When you sit in a chair or lay down in bed, that is not a passive "doing nothing".  It's an active "making my body stronger".

If you can, try to frame the resting and lethargy as a positive step toward getting well, not a negative step of skipping other tasks.

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On 9/11/2018 at 10:32 AM, Epictetus said:

I am feeling fine except for a little anxiety about a doctor's appointment this afternoon and the drive to and from.  

Hello, Epic !!

I hope your doctor appointment went well yesterday, as well as the drive there and back.

I'll bet you're glad that it's in the past now!

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22 hours ago, sober4life said:

It's time to cut myself off from the world.  I don't care about the work I need to do.  I'm done being hurt by the world.  I probably have 40 more years left and I hope I never see anyone again in those 40 years.

Hi, sober4life,

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, because I feel this way, too.  I won't say "I know how you feel" but I will say "I think I know how you feel" and it's a crummy !!

I'm isolating more and more, and people are aggravating me more and more.  In such a big world, we wish we cold find a person or an activity that brings peace of mind, but it's so far very elusive.

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22 hours ago, JustAnotherSufferer said:

I’m sorry to hear that. I feel the same way, I feel completely lost in the world we live in, it’s scaring me a lot. We can’t simply live simple lives anymore, now we have to get an education and jobs and all that stuff.

 

Hello, JAS -- the complexity and unhappiness in the world is getting to me, too.  Everything seems too overwhelming.  It's really hard to feel like an outsider looking in.

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21 hours ago, MtnDreams said:

Feeling lost, abandoned, rudderless, hopeless, worthless, empty.  Totally embarrassed, ashamed, and fed up with myself.  I won’t talk to anyone because every time I do that creates some other negative situation that makes me feel even worse about myself.  The problem is that I have to be among people and I have to interact if not command other people.  I wish I could be invisible and just drift away without anyone missing me or being affected by my absence.

I can relate to every adjective you wrote about yourself, as I feel the same way you do.

I really understand trying not to interact with people, instead of just feeling normal and natural I feel like I'm watching myself talk and then judging what an ***** I am.

I especially relate to wanting to drift away without my disappearance hurting other people.  I have adult children, so I decided that I'll be patient and wait for the end of my life, and just try to make the waiting bearable as much as possible.

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20 hours ago, JD4010 said:

Yes. Being forced to function within this terribly sick society is at the root of most of my "issues." I keep dreaming of moving to a small Arctic village somewhere and not having to worry about meetings, deadlines, unending bills, etc. If I get really sick, just put me on an iceberg and set me loose.

Hi, JD,

I hope you're having a smooth day today.  I dream of disappearing, too.  In the meantime, I'm still very much in the real world.

I know you like cars, I have an aggravating / funny car story.  I had been driving around doing errands, and my last stop was Panera Bread. Pulled in a parking spot, intending to eat inside the restaurant, but the driver door of my car WOULD NOT OPEN !! Not from the inside, not from the outside !!  I was panicked, but then went in to problem solving mode. First and most important, I went through the drive-thru and bought my food anyway HA HA.

So when I went home, I had to pull my old-lady no-muscle body up over the center console to the passenger side to get out, then later that night I had to get on again and move from passenger seat to driver seat to take car to dealer for repair, then I had to do it a third time to get out at the dealer!!

The problem was the the lock actuator, and the car is fixed now.

This is the kind of stuff that happens to me !!

Counting my blessings: glad I have a car, glad I could get it repaired (expensive repair, though!! Lots of labor to remove door panel, etc.)

BTW I don't endorse your Arctic iceberg exit, I suggest instead you hop a plane to the Bahamas and be cast adrift on a boat in the warm sun.

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1 hour ago, JustAnotherSufferer said:

I’m feeling mediocre like usual to be honest. I’m going to play

the guitar for a bit and just try to relax. This week has definetely been rough, my narcissistic father destroyed Monday evening, I haven’t felt well at all since that happened. 

I hope you’re all doing fine

Playing the guitar is a great idea to calm down and clear your mind.

It's hard to forget about what happened on Monday, but try to stop when your mind thinks back, and focus on today only.

Your father is not there today, so blot out any thoughts about him when they pop up.

I hope your music is helping you.

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Today I feel exhausted and just tired of being tired. I see the Pdoc later and that makes me anxious, I am hopeful she will listen to me and we can start the daunting tasks of finding the "sweet spot". I really need something fast acting while the other meds are perculating. I feel like I want to jump out of my skin and am fighting so hard to appear "fine", such a constant battle without medication. The Cymbalta caused such bad side effects that I am not looking to trying other meds..I do want to feel better so there is that! I do want to have a restful mind and to feel joy in living again. Living with a belly full of regrets is exhausting.

Wish me luck today and let's see what the Dr. orders!!! Yikes...

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9 minutes ago, mistfied said:

Today I feel exhausted and just tired of being tired. I see the Pdoc later and that makes me anxious, I am hopeful she will listen to me and we can start the daunting tasks of finding the "sweet spot". I really need something fast acting while the other meds are perculating. I feel like I want to jump out of my skin and am fighting so hard to appear "fine", such a constant battle without medication. The Cymbalta caused such bad side effects that I am not looking to trying other meds..I do want to feel better so there is that! I do want to have a restful mind and to feel joy in living again. Living with a belly full of regrets is exhausting.

Wish me luck today and let's see what the Dr. orders!!! Yikes...

Dear mistfied,

Yes, I'm thinking about you and wishing you luck re: your doctor appointment and meds.

Medications can be very, very effective so don't give up because of your bad Cymbalta experience.

My meds mostly give me stability and peace of mind, although it's not 100% perfect.  Without them, I probably would've not survived, I would not even be here today.  I take Lexapro (escitalopram) and Klonopin (clonozepam). 

I'm having a tough time emotionally right now, but these two meds have previously given me a lot of peaceful days, and even now I get some peaceful days between my difficult days.

I also know that you're dealing with the stress of an upcoming surgery.  What is the surgery for?

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Well, I worked through the pile of dishes in the kitchen today and cleaned up a bit. It's horrific for me sometimes.

What would take most people half an hour takes me about 4. I go over and over things when cleaning. I'm guessing it's some form of ocd.

At least the kitchen looks acceptable again. 

I'm thinking of carting off a load of cups and dishes to charity so that I only have a couple and they can't pile up!!

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1 minute ago, jeremiah said:

Well, I worked through the pile of dishes in the kitchen today and cleaned up a bit. It's horrific for me sometimes.

What would take most people half an hour takes me about 4. I go over and over things when cleaning. I'm guessing it's some form of ocd.

At least the kitchen looks acceptable again. 

I'm thinking of carting off a load of cups and dishes to charity so that I only have a couple and they can't pile up!!

Congratulations !! Truly, cleaning up can sometimes be so hard for those of us with depression or anxiety.

It's okay if it takes you longer and you do a few OCD actions.  Those repetitive actions can sometimes provide a lot of comfort and relief.

Absolutely donate any cups and dishes that are more than you need.  I've previously donated a lot of my stuff, and I don't miss any of it.  If you donate your stuff, you'll be very glad that you did.

Again, feel proud that you accomplished the clean up today.

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