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20YearsandCounting

How Do You Feel Right Now #8

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Yesterday I basically felt like the day after a drinking binge.  It's been over a year of sobriety now to still feel so delicate.  I don't know why I felt that way yesterday.  That's what scares me the most.  That day came out of nowhere.

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On 8/25/2018 at 3:55 PM, sober4life said:

Yes that's exactly how I feel.  Everyone around me uses me up and runs me into the ground.  They offer nothing and they take everything including my sanity.  Since getting sober I'm realizing all the people in my real life are toxic. They are users and abusers.  How will they manipulate me today?  Since getting sober I think who wouldn't be sick in my situation?  How did I survive this situation this long?  I can't get myself well and run away fast enough!

You go to any meetings... They could really help like 12 step rational recovery or smart recovery

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Just now, Karolina1 said:

😞 I feel like that a lot... Is there any dbsa meetings around you... They can be really helpful, I found

No, not where I live. I can barely meet my shrimp either because she’s always busy with other patients.

I’m just scared. I haven’t been feeling so down in a long time. It’s like things only get worse and worse as time goes by.

Im sorry you feel the same way Karolina. None of us deserve to suffer like this.

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I was feeling okay for a while on Celexa and lamotrigine, but then I got a big trigger which in my mind I perceived as detrimental and I haven't been able to get it out of my mind. My severe anxiety came back I went into a mental hospital they put me on Effexor which is really hard to get off of it curves 80% of my anxiety but not depression and it doesn't take away the reoccurring negative thought and the need for certainty and everything is going to be okay. What is your med situation like if you don't mind me asking...

Edited by Karolina1

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30 minutes ago, Karolina1 said:

You go to any meetings... They could really help like 12 step rational recovery or smart recovery

I don't but I need to start.  I wouldn't consider myself a dry drunk and I wouldn't consider myself recovered.  I'm somewhere in the middle.

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It's been a very hectic day.  After I got done mowing I got home and some random stranger flagged me down and he was having a heart attack so I had to call the ambulance.

Edited by sober4life

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7 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I just hope he's ok.  It's strange how life works.  You think it's all random but is it?  I arrived at just the right time.  I wasn't going to come straight home after mowing but something told me to at the last second.

I do to my friend and I'm so glad that you took the time to check on him and to call

the ambulance, because in today times you never know if there intention are good

or not.  I'm glad to know you and I appreciate all that you bring to this forum and

your act of heroism

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I'm headed to our first engagement party with my family -- exciting! I still cannot believe that I am engaged to the most amazing and wonderful man I've ever known. We may elope! We don't know how a wedding would be paid for -- we don't really have the funds for that, and we both have to start saving for the honeymoon -- we want to go to Hawaii! I've always wanted to go. I would marry him today if he wanted to. He says he cannot wait to call me his wife -- that makes me so happy! I can't wait to call him my husband. I bet we'll marry sooner than later. We're not planning for a long engagement. 

 

 

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These past few weeks have been rough. I was hoping that I could make it a habit to come here to help me cope, but my mind was clouded and I completely forgot. I'm dealing with loneliness, to say the least. I feel like my social anxiety often costs me my opportunities of getting a job that I really need right now. I can do so many things, I just can't seem to get past the interview process. 

I went to the hospital for my anxiety last week, and I'm trying my hardest not to be trouble to those around me. I feel like that's making my anxiety worse. I feel like the toughest part of dealing with anxiety and depression is worrying about being too much for people. I never want to be too much. I'm really shy, but deep down inside I feel clingy and needy and attached to those close to me. I'm afraid to speak my mind all the time. I'm known for holding back, but during the times I do decide to be open, anxiety takes over. I wish it was so easy to be open with my thoughts and feelings, and that it didn't come with extreme guilt afterwards. 

It's hard to face harsh realities and realize that it's time to let go of certain things. Well, not really let go, but maybe not hold on as tight. I'm glad you're busy and have more friends now. You seem happier. I feel selfish wishing I had more time, or wishing things could be like how they used to.  Maybe I give others too much of my time. I always tell myself that I won't make myself so available anymore, yet I still end up doing it because I feel like I should. I just wish you were here, and I feel so scared when I'm dealing with depression and anxiety because I don't want to chase anyone away. It's so hard to hide it. 

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My friend you did all that could be done 

it shouldn’t ruin you because of you, he

was given a chance to live.  Even if for 

some reason he doesn’t make it, You 

gave hope to almost a hopeless 😩 

situation.  Don’t allow the unknown 

to ruin your day.  You should be feeling 

good about yourself because you did

the right thing.  Now cheer up and give 

me a big bright 🤣

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On 9/22/2018 at 7:18 PM, MarkintheDark said:

Count your blessing you don't get OCD on appearance items.  I'm serious.  Something happens to my 12-year-old wundercar and I'm all over eBay to find a replacement.  Until that happens and I've effin' installed the little mofo, no matter how pristine (that's a relative term) she looks, that's all I can see.

I used to be that way with my cars. All of my "spare" time was spent keeping the car's appearance perfect. I hated even driving on gravel because it would make the tires look crummy. After getting past the gravel, I'd get out and wipe off each tire's sidewall. It didn't help that the car had "raised white letter" performance tires (a real 1970s item) or on the other car, whitewalls (big luxury cruiser). I'm not sure what happened because now I really don't get worked up about it.

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On 9/22/2018 at 8:07 PM, velvetpuddles said:

I'm feeling really good tonight. I spent half the day lazing around the house. Great french toast breakfast. Then went to a local wi.ne and cider tasting festival, followed by a festival of bonfires being lit on a local river. 

I never really cared much for birthdays, but the weather was beautiful and cool and went to some really cool (and all free!!) events. So all and all, I think I'm ringing in 31 on a high note.

Tomorrow the neighbor's and us are driving up to the groundhog city 😂 for a massive flea market. I'm really, really excited for it.

Oh man! I'm sorry I missed your birthday! Sounds like you had a lot of fun.

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