Jump to content
A New Look Read more... ×
20YearsandCounting

How Do You Feel Right Now #8

Recommended Posts

11 hours ago, Lynn1954 said:

Wow, having a hard time keeping down my sadness and anxiety.

I've been crying a little bit.

I'm trying to think positive thoughts about myself.

I'm the total opposite of a narcissistic personality, but I'm trying to adopt just one characteristic of the way they think: I just want to like myself and accept myself.  I want to stop criticizing myself and putting myself down.

As I'm writing this, I'm thinking that I might be able to train my mind to accept myself.

I think you can.  It takes time and help.  I have made great strides in that area, but, still, I relapse and hate myself again every once in a while.  But, it is much better than where it was for 25 or so years after I fled my abusive parents.

I believe that self-esteem is essential to recovery.  I am just trying to tell myself that it will never be 100 percent cured and that I will relapse and that that is OK.

I hope you do the work to be able to see that you are a beautiful human being of great worth!!!!  Because, it's true.  It's true of all of us on here.  I know, because the hearts on hear are giving and strong.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
15 hours ago, Lynn1954 said:

@Kogent5 

THANK YOU SO MUCH for making me laugh at myself, I'm actually laughing out loud right now !!

In my previous message, I'd written Although I haven't started yet, I'm about to begin reading some books with the themes of "forgive yourself" and "starting over despite previous mistakes." and then you logically asked me "What are you reading?"

Well, I'm laughing because my statement was my depressed self thinking vaguely that I "should" search the Internet or buy a book at Amazon about those topics because that would be a good way to help myself and possibly feel better.

But, of course, like many depressed people, I don't always do what I think about, it's just wishful thinking !! I haven't actually searched for or purchased any such reading material !! And no gumption yet to do so !!

 

Lol! Honestly, I'm so sick of trying to find that book that just clicks and sticks with me long-term. I always feel like I get important info from self-help books and then a few weeks later I forget everything or the exercises the book taught me lose their effectiveness. I'm kinda sick of trying right now. Thank goodness for the library so I haven't had to spend a lot of money on self-help books 😁

14 hours ago, JD4010 said:

1977 here. That's when I graduated high school and went off to college. I "discovered" booze late that year. If I could do it over, I'd never start drinking. I'd also make a bunch of different choices over the next 4 or 5 years.

I actually had a dream of a "parallel" me who had followed a different path. I really liked that version of me. Much more together and productive.

This is a very unhealthy game but...

2002 - before high school started. Family dynamics changed and never recovered. I want to change things that were out of my control 😕

2012 - mum died and I went from doing really good (for me) to spiralling into what I am today. I wish I had forced myself to go back to normal life as quickly as possible.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 minutes ago, Laila said:

Worried... i had been doing quite well for the last few days but now my anxiety is back.

My anxiety has been very severe lately. I woke up in the middle of the night today and had a panic attack. I’m still anxious. 

I’m starting to stress eat as well. I eat lunch in 10 minutes. 

Edited by JustAnotherSufferer

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Nothing is ever going to get better.

"Change the things you can" they say. None of that helps at all. The changes, the small things you actually have an influence on, choices you CAN make if you will, mean absolutely nothing. They don't change the big picture. I still stay stuck in Ground Hog day. Whatever I do, i end up in the same nowhere - place. After 50 odd f ukcing years on this sad planet I have given up.

All I am doing is getting older and my chances of finding a better life for myself dwindle like my declining health and persistant muscle and tendon issues that jusr get worse. I may be looking at redundancy in a couple of years time.I don't even like my job. I've been unemployed before, twice. in my twenties I was unemployed for 1,5 years. In my 30's another 1,5 years. It was hell when I was younger. But ending up redundant in your mid fifties without a decent education or any kind of skillsets.. I have no chance in the job market. No one wants a stupid, talentless invalid on there pay roll. Not that I am even interested in making the effort anymore. I am screwed however you look at it.

Nothing interests me enough to put in the effort. I have failed every time I have tried to better myself. I am tired of life. I am fed up with myself. I am not fighting the inevitable anymore. I am a loser. I don't like this world and I hate myself. I just want to get out of this bul s hittery called life.

Edited by samadhiSheol

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Coming up on the four year "anniversary" of the emotional collapse that turned me from a content human being into the suicidal wreck I am today.

In some ways I am more functional now - I'm able to do some part-time work and I am better at hiding my distraught from others. But on a personal level I feel no better, and in many ways worse. 

My thoughts are with everyone who suffers from emotional dysfunction today and every day - it is appalling to me how this condition destroys lives and families. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Tilted Good to "see" you in this thread. Sorry you continue to feel bad/worse. It is appalling just how pervasive mental and emotional issues are. The way our society is structured is very unhealthy, obviously. Right now I'm watching people making the mad rush to work, jockeying for positions at the next traffic signal. Many of these people hate what they do but they are furiously trying to get to their cubicle of hell "on time". It is very sick indeed.

@samadhiSheol I feel for you man. I'm in a similar situation...I hate my job but I'm stuck here. I'm closing in on 60 and chronic health issues plague me as well. I'm completely spent. HOWEVER, just from your writing style I can tell that you are anything but stupid. I'd say you are analytical in addition to being a good writer.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
23 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

 

@samadhiSheol I feel for you man. I'm in a similar situation...I hate my job but I'm stuck here. I'm closing in on 60 and chronic health issues plague me as well. I'm completely spent. HOWEVER, just from your writing style I can tell that you are anything but stupid. I'd say you are analytical in addition to being a good writer.

Well whatever I am has done me no service whatsover. So it amounts to the same. 

As to my writing, ..haha I dont even like writing really.  All I'm doing is repeating myself and going nowhere fast.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Like many of you, I also feel that things are not going to get better, and each day is a struggle.

More than once I worked at jobs that I hated, that is a crushing feeling.  I'd get brief relief on Friday afternoon as I drove away, then all too fast it's Sunday night, with that sickening feeling in my stomach and terrible dread and desperation.

Thank you to everyone who writes here, I know this thread helps me a lot, and many of you have said that this thread helps you, too.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I feel myself slipping, im definitely on the edge of the downward spiral of self destruction again and I really don't care anymore.

I'm 30 years old and have been alone for 10 years, sure I have friends but its not enough. I also still live with my parents, yes I was forced to move back after a spell in hospital after I had an "episode" but ive been here for too many years now and i feel pathetic.I still miss my ex after 10 years. 

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Lynn1954 said:

Like many of you, I also feel that things are not going to get better, and each day is a struggle.

More than once I worked at jobs that I hated, that is a crushing feeling.  I'd get brief relief on Friday afternoon as I drove away, then all too fast it's Sunday night, with that sickening feeling in my stomach and terrible dread and desperation.

Thank you to everyone who writes here, I know this thread helps me a lot, and many of you have said that this thread helps you, too.

Same here! My stomach has been awful today!

i have been feeling anxious all day long, I’m sick of it. I’m home how, yet I can’t even relax, it sucks.

I may also be getting/having a Strep throat. I’m burning myself out in just a week 😞

Edited by JustAnotherSufferer

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
12 minutes ago, JustAnotherSufferer said:

I despise Facebook. It’s filled with attention grabbing adults who act like kids. Its such a Toxic place.

Exactly! That's why I closed it... Too many self-absorbed, bragging fake friends! No offence but that's what most of them were 😕  

Edited by babyxgothxx

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 9/12/2018 at 10:52 PM, Kogent5 said:

 

I feel like me wanting a do-over is part of my personality of running away from my problems, but I'm just so sick of being pessimistic and negative. I wanna have hopes and dreams again and feel like I have a chance at happiness.

What years do you choose?

If I could go back...2013 or 2002.

I find that I’m always choosing 1988, 1991, 1986 sort of in that order because that’s when things started going downhill for me.  Decisions I made back then, or didn’t make, end up have no cascading ramifications every year that has gone by since.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 I'm not doing well, and it feels good to have a place to admit that. I have more that I want/need to say, but...I'm still having trouble with finding the right words (and I'm of the opinion that unless the words are right, there's no use in saying them at all), so I'll just leave it at that.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am feeling basically okay today.  An undercurrent of fear and dread is running below the surface though.  Last year I had the flu and it almost killed me and so I am not eager for this year's flu season.  I can isolate which will lower my risk of getting the flu but this will make my mental health worse or I can go out and raise the odds of getting the flu.  Part of me sees this is just a tempest in a teapot compared to what other people face daily, hourly and moment by moment.  I am so lucky that I ought to just take it all in stride.  My heart goes out to all of you and especially those who are suffering so greatly ! ! !

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, work has definitely gotten far better as time goes on. I just got home from a long day, but we had a party bash for a colleague who is getting married. What company throws a pre-wedding party for their colleagues??? Unheard of! I love this company! I feel elated right now too because the HR Director chit chatted with me afterwards and told me that they love me there, meaning the higher ups in the organization, including the CEO. She said she's really happy I am there and gave me a big hug. It felt soooo nice, especially after being abused by multiple bosses for years and years! I've never been so appreciated OR loved at work. It feels really really nice for once. Wow, I don't know what I did to deserve this, but I'lll take it for sure. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Like yesterday, a mixed bag.  And I'm ok with that at the moment.

Rough start getting Mom dressed and to her GP's office, where she had a bit of a fit. Her doc and I work well together, so we were able to shut that down.  I like her doc A LOT.

A one-on-one with Mom's banker as we outlined some plans for the next 4-6 weeks.  Back home a raft of phone calls on MY health issues, only half I got done.  But that's fine.  Hell, at least MY stuff is moving forward.  Took a three-hour nap.

Mom's nurse/PT called to say she's doing an unusual Saturday visit with Mom.  That will help her frame of mind for the weekend.

All in all, this was a considerably more balanced, manageable week than I've had lately.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.

×