I was feeling great an hour ago

[sabiflitch]

I was confident, listening to some uplifting music/videos, cleaned a bit, and was going to make a phone call. I can't find my phone, though. The effort to look would mean I need to clean up the house, or actually, mess it up more due to the fact I don't know where it is. I feel exhausted now and hopeless. I'm eating because I'm bored, and I just want to go lay down but at the same time I don't. I feel like I already failed myself today and for the rest of the year.

Edited August 20, 2018 by sabiflitch

[evalynn]

Do you find your moods swing through the day? That's what happens to me on a daily basis. I can be laughing one minute and then feel devastated 15 minutes later. It's awful. I also eat out of boredom, and I know that failure feeling. Have you ever felt like this before, or is it a new thing?

[karlbarx]

25 minutes ago, evalynn said:

Do you find your moods swing through the day? That's what happens to me on a daily basis. I can be laughing one minute and then feel devastated 15 minutes later. It's awful. I also eat out of boredom, and I know that failure feeling. Have you ever felt like this before, or is it a new thing?

Mine do constantly. The smallest thing can send me to pieces for the rest of the day. Unfortunately my most common trigger these days is simply the act of waking up in the morning and remembering who I am and what my life is.

[sabiflitch]

19 hours ago, evalynn said:

Do you find your moods swing through the day? That's what happens to me on a daily basis. I can be laughing one minute and then feel devastated 15 minutes later. It's awful. I also eat out of boredom, and I know that failure feeling. Have you ever felt like this before, or is it a new thing?

My moods do swing throughout the day. I'm like you, could be sobbing one minute, then laughing my butt off the next. This has been with me for 10 years love. It is exhausting. I don't like associating my behavior with bipolar because bipolar mood swings are more like.. manic for 2 days, depressed for 2.. etc. The ups and downs last longer in between "swings". I lean more toward BPD with PTSD. But, I don't wanna self diagnose.

[sabiflitch]

18 hours ago, karlbarx said:

Mine do constantly. The smallest thing can send me to pieces for the rest of the day. Unfortunately my most common trigger these days is simply the act of waking up in the morning and remembering who I am and what my life is.

I'm right there with you. If only we could wake up together, because for me, nothing helps more than being around someone who feels the same.

[evalynn]

1 minute ago, sabiflitch said:

My moods do swing throughout the day. I'm like you, could be sobbing one minute, then laughing my butt off the next. This has been with me for 10 years love. It is exhausting. I don't like associating my behavior with bipolar because bipolar mood swings are more like.. manic for 2 days, depressed for 2.. etc. The ups and downs last longer in between "swings". I lean more toward BPD with PTSD. But, I don't wanna self diagnose.

I told a therapist once I thought I had BPD and while she didn't laugh at me she was basically adamant that I did not. So I dropped it. I'm formally diagnosed with bipolar 2, but the symptoms of BPD just more relatable to me. Then again, I sometimes wonder if it's literally in my head...All I know is I used to not be this moody. As I get older, it seems to be getting worse. I feel out of control a lot of the time, and it's kind of scary to feel like that.

[sabiflitch]

17 minutes ago, evalynn said:

I told a therapist once I thought I had BPD and while she didn't laugh at me she was basically adamant that I did not. So I dropped it. I'm formally diagnosed with bipolar 2, but the symptoms of BPD just more relatable to me. Then again, I sometimes wonder if it's literally in my head...All I know is I used to not be this moody. As I get older, it seems to be getting worse. I feel out of control a lot of the time, and it's kind of scary to feel like that.

Yeah, that is what I am afraid of. I was diagnosed with BPD and clinical depression at 14 but I was too young for an accurate diagnosis, due to puberty being such a strong factor in my mood swings. I rarely experience mania. I don't even like calling it "mania" because it's more like I just get excited about something, so it makes me feel better, or I think of a joke, and once the thrill of how I feel is gone, usually within minutes, I'm back to my depressed state.

 

I am able to feel joy, it just doesn't really get to me much since my depression has plummeted further down this year. It's basically rolled downhill like a snowball. I guess when I try to evaluate my symptoms throughout the years, it's a very steady depression sided with social anxiety, and that type of anxiety where you are nervous all the time because you grew up very dysfunctional. 

[quentin360]

Hey there sabiflitch. Reading your post was great because I knew just where you're coming. First only lost phone issue. A few months back I lost my friend and one thing I hate intense is losing some and having to look for it makes me anxious beyond belief. I finally got a new phone a few weeks later and was getting something out of my bottom dresser drawer and lo and behold there was my phone. Yesterday I lost my wallet and thought I would lose my mind at the same time. I was standing at the dresser and said what the hell, I opened the bottom drawer and there it was. Apparently when I've got something setting on my dresser and I opened the bottom drawer for something it miraculously gets bumped off. Okay the serious part is I know the feeling of one moment you are on top of the world, getting stuff done and just feeling okay and good. But then, from out of nowhere and in a split second it all changes and speaking for myself I become so depressed and angry and wondering what the hell just happened. This has always been an issue with me. It's like a roller coaster ride in my brain and sometimes I won't even leave the house in fear that it will come over me in an instant. These damn brain chemicals are so frustrating. I guess the chemicals can be sort of where they needed me but then they decide to drop. Just know my friend and it's easy to say, you really did not fail your self is the same thing that goes through my mind. We have to be thankful for the time were feeling somewhat okay and maybe on the verge of being happy and no that you do deserve to be happy. When you roll it over in your hand again and again that you have somehow screwed up or failed yourself – just feeding into the depression. Be good friend and be good to yourself

[sabiflitch]

36 minutes ago, quentin360 said:

Hey there sabiflitch. Reading your post was great because I knew just where you're coming. First only lost phone issue. A few months back I lost my friend and one thing I hate intense is losing some and having to look for it makes me anxious beyond belief. I finally got a new phone a few weeks later and was getting something out of my bottom dresser drawer and lo and behold there was my phone. Yesterday I lost my wallet and thought I would lose my mind at the same time. I was standing at the dresser and said what the hell, I opened the bottom drawer and there it was. Apparently when I've got something setting on my dresser and I opened the bottom drawer for something it miraculously gets bumped off. Okay the serious part is I know the feeling of one moment you are on top of the world, getting stuff done and just feeling okay and good. But then, from out of nowhere and in a split second it all changes and speaking for myself I become so depressed and angry and wondering what the hell just happened. This has always been an issue with me. It's like a roller coaster ride in my brain and sometimes I won't even leave the house in fear that it will come over me in an instant. These damn brain chemicals are so frustrating. I guess the chemicals can be sort of where they needed me but then they decide to drop. Just know my friend and it's easy to say, you really did not fail your self is the same thing that goes through my mind. We have to be thankful for the time were feeling somewhat okay and maybe on the verge of being happy and no that you do deserve to be happy. When you roll it over in your hand again and again that you have somehow screwed up or failed yourself – just feeding into the depression. Be good friend and be good to yourself

 

Thank you for the kind and thoughtful response, @quentin360 It is exactly how you described. My emotions, when shifting, come on so suddenly and violently. It shuts me down, I become unresponsive to most external things. My partner is beginning to recognize when my moods change and he will ask me if I'm okay. When I'm upset or anxious, I can't look people in the eye. Not even the closest people to me like my partner and my best friend of 15 years. When my partner says my name, I automatically wonder what I did wrong or what he needs from me. I have preset thoughts that are not in my control right now. I'm at least going to try to find a psychiatrist.. I just feel like a loser to my partner, he wants me to get a job but he doesn't understand the struggles I go through every moment of every day.

 

These past few months, my depression has gotten worse. I'm awfully tired by 7-8pm, wake up early the next day, and then usually during the late afternoon I am able to nap, but I don't want to sleep all day. 

[Slow is Fast]

You could get a elastic silicone wristband. Snap it against your wrist, you'll get pain, your brain will be focus on your wrist some seconds. Then you'll find your mind will be changed. It could be adjust your emotions.