My boyfriend is calling his ex girlfriend pet names he uses for ME

[sabiflitch]

I know it's wrong, and I definitely have some self esteem and trust issues, but am I wrong for feeling this way? I went through my boyfriends texts the other day, which I really need to stop doing.. and I saw a short conversation between him and his ex girlfriend Melissa. She was only asking something about cars/mechanics around town, and she greeted him by his name in the text, but he responded with "Hi meow!" which is what he calls me. 

 

He dated Melissa for a really long time, I think he said almost 9 years. I understand he has had to get out of the habit of calling her certain things.. but me and him have been together for almost 3 years now. Shouldn't he be over this by now, the habit of calling her that? 

 

I told him about it, but I didn't make a big deal out of it. He just said "Baby, stop worrying. You're good. I love you."

But, still, I won't be calling him that anymore. I'd prefer him not to call me that but I don't want to seem like I'm making a huge deal of it.

 

Edited August 20, 2018 by sabiflitch

[Wizardwarrior315]

I think it's normal to feel that way, and would keep an eye out for things like that (although perhaps not on your boyfriend's phone).  That being said, it could be just a one time thing, and wouldn't worry about it too much unless it becomes a regular thing.

Hope this helps.

-Wizardwarrior

[June322]

I definitely think its odd . I dont think people should be texting their ex and the fact that he had that comfortable reaction and called her something like that , that is usually an affection name he uses for you seems off putting  Idk I feel like your bf has given so many warning signs and you seem to always put all the blame on yourself and you seemed trained to put all the blame on your "insecurities" but i think boyfriend seems like he has a lot to do with it!

Edited August 22, 2018 by June322

[sarahbeth24]

On 8/20/2018 at 10:44 PM, sabiflitch said:

I know it's wrong, and I definitely have some self esteem and trust issues, but am I wrong for feeling this way? I went through my boyfriends texts the other day, which I really need to stop doing.. and I saw a short conversation between him and his ex girlfriend Melissa. She was only asking something about cars/mechanics around town, and she greeted him by his name in the text, but he responded with "Hi meow!" which is what he calls me. 

 

He dated Melissa for a really long time, I think he said almost 9 years. I understand he has had to get out of the habit of calling her certain things.. but me and him have been together for almost 3 years now. Shouldn't he be over this by now, the habit of calling her that? 

 

I told him about it, but I didn't make a big deal out of it. He just said "Baby, stop worrying. You're good. I love you."

But, still, I won't be calling him that anymore. I'd prefer him not to call me that but I don't want to seem like I'm making a huge deal of it.

 

I wouldn't be happy if my partner called their ex by pet names that they called so I totally understand how you feel

I don't think you are being unreasonable being upset at all.

I am sorry this is happening to you

Sarah x

[jsop4]

You are right to be upset.  If you are too the point where you feel you need to check your boyfriend's texts he isn't trustworthy in your eyes and essentially the relationship is not solid.  A guy in love doesn't call an ex-girlfriend pet names. 

[sabiflitch]

17 hours ago, June322 said:

I definitely think its odd . I dont think people should be texting their ex and the fact that he had that comfortable reaction and called her something like that , that is usually an affection name he uses for you seems off putting  Idk I feel like your bf has given so many warning signs and you seem to always put all the blame on yourself and you seemed trained to put all the blame on your "insecurities" but i think boyfriend seems like he has a lot to do with it!

Yeah.. a lot of times he does make me feel bad. Things are tough right now, a lot of financial stress, and me having a real struggle with my depression/anxiety. I feel like I'm being taken advantage of and like my feelings aren't as important to him and his own. I get tired of him asking me for a back/foot massage, grab me this, do this, and then I get little to no patience with him. Then he does something sweet, but it doesn't exactly make up for how I have felt lately. I don't understand why he is comfortable calling his ex that. 

Edited August 23, 2018 by sabiflitch

[sabiflitch]

2 hours ago, jsop4 said:

You are right to be upset.  If you are too the point where you feel you need to check your boyfriend's texts he isn't trustworthy in your eyes and essentially the relationship is not solid.  A guy in love doesn't call an ex-girlfriend pet names. 

He isn't in love with me the way I am with him. That's for sure. I've been coping with this by kind of distancing my "heart" from him. I don't call him certain "pet" names anymore and I'm not as sensitive to him. Feels nice actually..

[jsop4]

21 hours ago, sabiflitch said:

He isn't in love with me the way I am with him. That's for sure. I've been coping with this by kind of distancing my "heart" from him. I don't call him certain "pet" names anymore and I'm not as sensitive to him. Feels nice actually..

Good for you.  Start giving yourself the love and support he isn't giving you.